Ask Me Help Desk - A child in danger, is there anything I can do?

After being abused by my sons father and being very young my mother thought it would be best for my son for her to take him for a little while so that I could get my life together. I agreed, I was broken. I relinquished my rights , his fathers rights were terminated and my mom adopted him. It has been 8 years, of course I am in his life and he knows me as mom because he is with my mother. My mother is 60 and in poor health, she recently had a liver transplant due to hepatitis c and was in the hospital with that and other complications for the past 6 months. I do not agree with a lot of the ways that my mom has been raising him all along but especially now. He has been moved around staying with friends of the family since she went into the hospital. All of whom now see things for themselves and agree that he needs a more stable environment. He has anger and emotional instability. He had an eating disorder that he had picked up from her. He is being homeschooled and is told that he doesn't get along with other children. He does. She is completely controlling every aspect of his life because he started questioning things a few years back. Is there anything I can do. I know that adoptions are pretty much set in stone, but I legally am his sister. Is that a loophole I could use? To show her instability she has changed her will 3 times in the past year as to where he would go if something was to happen to her. One time it was changed from the person he has spent most of the past 6 months with while he was staying with her because she changed the place settings at my moms dining room table. People that are close are seeing the light , I am moving back to SC where I am from and where they reside. Do I have any options?

You literally have NO rights here... he legally is no longer your son. Those ended upon the adoption. And technically, if your mother so desired, she could have you charged with parental interference if she wanted.

You literally have nothing to say in how he is raised now. Doesn't matter if you are his sister legally now or someone that lives across town.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

You literally have NO rights here....he legally is no longer your son. Those ended upon the adoption. And technically, if your mother so desired, she could have you charged with parental interference if she wanted.

You litterally have nothing to say in how he is raised now. Doesn't matter if you are his sister legally now or someone that lives across town.

Thanks for being so kind in your answer. This isn't about me and how much I miss him, I and others are worried about his future. He has shown violent tendinceys towards other human beings and has shown many other signs of emotional instability. My mother can't unfortunately take care of her self, can barely walk and has no bowel control wearing diapers. I wish she wasn't sick but she is and it's not just effecting her. His future isn't safe right now.

Your best option is to get back into your mother's life in a good way, whether it hurts or not to get along with her, and get her to let you adopt him yourself. Meanwhile talk to law firms, law schools, and social services where he is and she is (when you get back there yourself) about her ability to care for him, which seems to be changing. And about your ability too! She shouldn't be farming him out to people, but you need to approach this in a non-confrontational way, because a lot of doors will be slammed in your face. It will be a lot of work, and you might not win with even the combined approach of through her and through the courts.

As noted, by allowing your mother to adopt rather then giving her temporary guardianship, you ended whatever rights you had to your son. Your mother can do whatever she wants with him.

You can report his issues to family services and even offer to foster him.. This might be allowed.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

As noted, by allowing your mother to adopt rather then giving her temporary guardianship, you ended whatever rights you had to your son. Your mother can do whatever she wants with him.

You can report his issues to family services and even offer to foster him.. This might be allowed.

Thank you for your response, I was wondering if this option is the best , I know that getting the state involved will cause I big disturbance and could get nasty but I also know that the state likes to place with the closest family member. I am trying to get moved down there ASAP and hopefully I won't have to do any of this and my mom will just come to terms that maybe she's not the best option anymore. Trying to prepare myself just in case. Thanks again for taking time out of your day to answer me, I really appreciate it.

I will address one issue, "homeschool" you say it as a bad thing, for most children that are home schooled they make better grades, do better in college and more. So this is not a negative by any means. If she is not doing it properly then it is.

But yes, if she is moving around from family to family, why do you not have them move in with you ?

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

I will address one issue, "homeschool" you say it as a bad thing, for most children that are home schooled they make better grades, do better in college and more. So this is not a neg by any means. If she is not doing it properly then it is.

But yes, if she is moving around from family to family, why do you not have them move in with you ?

I completely agree with you especially since most of the school systems are the way they are now, however I think it is to his disadvantage, my mother has told him that he doesn't go to school because he and other children his age don't get along, and while he wasn't with her this summer he flourished with the neighborhood children He became much calmer and way more socialized. A lot of his insecurities we're slowly diminishing too. I believe that the first year he was homeschooled was good for him because he had experienced a few bad years in a private school that he didn't fit well in. I believe he would do well in a monousori school. Because of his learning style. But I feel most that he is being told he is different , and he isn't, other people in his life after seeing him in a total different environment for 6 months are seeing the difference in him just changing that. It's a very sticky situation that I could never put all down in a bulletin board, thank you for your advice, I appreciate all outside perspective.