Ask Me Help Desk - Sexually dissatisfied wife!

Sexually dissatisfied wife!

I need help. We have been married almost ten years now. Over the past 9 months, I have lost about 50 lbs (of course through my doctor) and now I'm in size 6 pants. For the past ten years, my husband has always been a taker. The only time he touches me is like rubbing my arms or hugging me asking me if I'm ready for sex. Other than sex, he shows no interest in my body. I brought it up a couple weeks ago, but he said he's one of those types of guys more interested in how smart I am instead of my body. It just aggrevates me because he don't have anything to do with my female area except sex.

If I was him, I think I would be all over me right now, especially with the way I look. I'm not trying to be conceited I promise, and yes, he tried to touch me one time but seemed very uninterested, and this was a month ago. I've been with partners before I got married who were all over me. And all my husband has ever wanted me to do is bj, or sex. Honestly, what guy is "never" interested in a female body because I absolutely LOVE when I receive oral... or even for him to use his hand, but my husband won't. Help.

I'm married and have 2 kids... I've always wondered how it would feel to be with a female (I'm female). Since my husband isn't sexually satisfying me, these urges have gotten worse... what can I do? And besides sexual probs, my family relationship is doing pretty good.

Quote:

Originally Posted by alybell

I'm married and have 2 kids... I've always wondered how it would feel to be with a female (I'm female). Since my husband isn't sexually satisfying me, these urges have gotten worse... what can I do? And besides sexual probs, my family relationship is doing pretty good.

How do you feel about cheating on your husband? Is that what you are asking?

No, I'm just aggrevated. He doesn't even cuddle me, he rarely touches me in any way... honestly, I just want to feel like I'm worthy and loved from him. I've talked to him before about how he is towards me and he seems to more so blow me off

Quote:

Originally Posted by alybell

No, I'm just aggrevated. He doesn't even cuddle me, he rarely touches me in any way...honestly, I just want to feel like I'm worthy and loved from him. I've talked to him before about how he is towards me and he seems to moreso blow me off

I'm not sure what you are asking - your thoughts about a lesbian relationship?

Why your husband rarely touches you any longer?

Quote:

I need help. We have been married almost ten years now. Over the past 9 months, I have lost about 50 lbs (of course through my doctor) and now I'm in size 6 pants. For the past ten years, my husband has always been a taker. The only time he touches me is like rubbing my arms or hugging me asking me if I'm ready for sex. Other than sex, he shows no interest in my body. I brought it up a couple weeks ago, but he said he's one of those types of guys more interested in how smart I am instead of my body. It just aggrevates me because he don't have anything to do with my female area except sex. If I was him, I think I would be all over me right now, especially with the way I look. I'm not trying to be conceited I promise, and yes, he tried to touch me one time but seemed very uninterested, and this was a month ago. I've been with partners before I got married who were all over me. And all my husband has ever wanted me to do is bj, or sex. Honestly, what guy is "never" interested in a female body because I absolutely LOVE when I receive oral... or even for him to use his hand, but my husband won't. Help.

If this has been going on for nearly 10 years then how you look doesn't seem to be a factor anywhere other than in your thoughts. Since you bring up the weight-loss and exes, I am wondering if your expectations may have been a bit high for his reaction to the 'new' you.

Some people have a mental hang-up about touching the pubic area or more specifically the area where waste products (and in the case of women, babies) come out. It sounds like he has always been this way and you have put up with it until now. Have you tried before the weight-loss to get him to be more attentive to your entire body?

Everyone is different in their desires and needs. You don't say anything about ages, health issues, medications, etc. which can also affect libido and sexual perceptions.

How is the rest of your relationship? Is he affectionate in non-sexual ways? If he won't use his hands, have you considered a compromise of using toys? Do you discuss and share fantasies?

Is marriage counseling a possibility?

Lets see, he's beem like this 10 years... you've been married 10 years. How long did you know him before you got married? He was like this before, right? This is why I always tell people date a few years before getting married... then you can see them REALLY being themselves. No people are almost never being themselves during the early dating stage.

People also don't change without a life altering event happening to them. I don't know if he could change even if he wanted to. Counseling is the best bet here. Just don't hold your breath.

Quote:

Originally Posted by alybell

No, I'm just aggrevated. He doesn't even cuddle me, he rarely touches me in any way...honestly, I just want to feel like I'm worthy and loved from him. I've talked to him before about how he is towards me and he seems to moreso blow me off

Ever consider getting up and just leaving? It's really the only way to solve this when talking about it has done nothing.

I know I know you can't leave him right? So if you can't leave him then you should just start putting up with it because it's probably never going to change from the looks of it.

It sounds as if your relationship isn't all that great. Why does he never like to cuddle you, show affection and have sex? Since when/how long ago did this start? Certainly not from the very beginning of your physical relationship?

After 10 years it seems that you would know how to get his attention and make him listen. Burn't toast or sleeping apart usually gets most guy attention and they know things are not happy in the kingdom.

Going along with the program makes no changes and over time, hubby will think everything is just fine. Sometimes actions speak louder than words, and maybe after 10 years, a finger up his nose and the very clear message of MAKE ME HAPPY, OR YOU NEVER WILL BE! Is what you need.

That's my advice, say what you mean, and mean what you say.

The question I answered is NOT the same question that is posted here. Were questions combined?

This started as someone having lesbian thoughts.

Now it's a "sexually dissatisifed wife." My post makes little sense connected to this (current) question.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

The question I answered is NOT the same question that is posted here. Were questions combined?

This started off as someone having lesbian thoughts.

Now it's a "sexually dissatisifed wife." My post makes little sense connected to this (current) question.

I quoted the op of the thread I commented on. It looks like we have multiple posts combined into one.

I know get to rethink my answer with the added information.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I quoted the op of the thread I commented on. It looks like we have multiple posts combined into one.

I know get to rethink my answer with the added information.

Oh, good - it's not just me.

It went from lesbian attractions to unhappy marriage in the snap of fingers.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Oh, good - it's not just me.

It went from lesbian attractions to unhappy marriage in the snap of fingers.

Big difference between shall I have Tacos for diner or Salami.

Sorry guys but we should know by now to check for multiple threads.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Sorry guys but we should know by now to check for multiple threads.

When I started writing my post she only had the one post showing on the post count.

I do try to check.