Ask Me Help Desk - I don't think my boyfriend is attracted to me anymore...

So my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. I am 20 going on 21 and he is 23 going on 24. When we got together things were great, he was honestly the perfect guy for me. We both wanted the same things and think the same things. We would have sex quite regularly, a few times a week (3-4ish). But I went on some medications and have gained about 15 ponds since we got together. I feel VERY unattractive in everyone's eyes. But worst of all is we stopped having sex. Right now I have not had sex for just about 2 weeks now and before that 3 weeks. I actually have to BEG for it and bug him for 3 days before he gives in. I have tried sexy clothes, being naked, initiating but nothing works. He is on some medications and blames that but honestly I don't believe him because he was on them when we got together as well.

I have tried to loose the weight but I have fibromyalgia (constant pain) and it makes it VERY difficult to go to the gym. I have gained the weight around the middle but it isn't THAT bad. I have large breasts and nice legs I guess but I worry he can't stand to look at me...

It has gotten to the point where if I touch him or try to initiate or ask he gets upset and mad with me for the rest of the day. On the rare occasions we do have sex he get in and gets out so to speak then gets out of bed and leaves, I will go into the bathroom and actually cry because I just feel used and dejected. Please give me some advice I HATE these feelings...

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Originally Posted by taggedalbum

So my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. I am 20 going on 21 and he is 23 going on 24. When we got together things were great, he was honestly the perfect guy for me. We both wanted the same things and think the same things. We would have sex quite regularly, a few times a week (3-4ish). But I went on some medications and have gained about 15 ponds since we got together. I feel VERY unattractive in everyone's eyes. But worst of all is we stopped having sex. Right now I have not had sex for just about 2 weeks now and before that 3 weeks. I actually have to BEG for it and bug him for 3 days before he gives in. I have tried sexy clothes, being naked, initiating but nothing works. He is on some medications and blames that but honestly I don't believe him because he was on them when we got together as well.

I have tried to loose the weight but I have fibromyalgia (constant pain) and it makes it VERY difficult to go to the gym. I have gained the weight around the middle but it isn't THAT bad. I have large breasts and nice legs I guess but I worry he can't stand to look at me....

It has gotten to the point where if I touch him or try to initiate or ask he gets upset and mad with me for the rest of the day. On the rare occasions we do have sex he get in and gets out so to speak then gets out of bed and leaves, I will go into the bathroom and actually cry because I just feel used and dejected. Please give me some advice I HATE these feelings...

Have you asked him if something is wrong, why things are "different"? The answers, of course, are stress, physical health, some other factor.

If a 15-pound weight gain, a 15-pound change in your appearance is a turn off for him I'd reconsider the relationship.

Medications can have that effect and they're also not immediate. Is there anything else going on in your lives? Major and stressful.

I have to agree with Judy that the 15lbs gain probably isn't the real reason or a reason at all. I think that is mainly in your head due to societally enforced insecurities that you have. It could also be a convenient cue for him to try to get things to go sideways so that he'll be the dumpee and not the dumper.

We need a little more information. For example, how is the relationship otherwise? How is he doing with work and home life? Alcohol and drug use? (Be honest, it is important!)

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but I have fibromyalgia (constant pain) and it makes it VERY difficult to go to the gym.

If fibromyalgia makes it difficult to go to the gym has it also affected other aspects of your life? How much has it limited your day to day activities? Does that put stress or strain on the relationship?

Has he tried showing you affection at other times only to be rebuffed because you are in pain? While you may be 'begging' for sex, is he afraid of hurting you or could he be feeling like you only want physical contact from him when it is sexual.

Have you tried backing off and not making sexual advances? Do you ever make any physical contact without the thought (or intention) of it turning into sex? Understand that the pressure to have sex is a libido limiter. Too much pressure and it becomes a libido and relationship killer.

Talk with him. Listen to him. If you are not sure what he means when he says something, ask for clarification. Encourage him to ask you. Work together.

His medications and the condition(s) they are for could be causing part of the issue. He may need to consult with his doctor and pharmacist to make certain they are still working correctly and that he isn't experiencing any interactions with foods, drinks, supplements, or between them.

Work on feeling secure with yourself. If you are feeling insecure and expecting him to make you feel better about yourself, it won't work. How he or anyone else thinks about you should enhance how you feel about yourself. Security and confidence come from inside. Give yourself the mental and emotional support to let them grow.