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-   -   Why does my girl friend want no sex? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=700173)

  • Sep 7, 2012, 11:50 AM
    warshrimp
    Why does my girl friend want no sex?
    Me (18years) and my girlfriend (18years) have been dating for just over 3 years and known each other for 14 years. We both love each other very much I always treat her I take her to watch films, shopping, camping, meals, restaurants, and even home made meals with romance.

    We did not rush into sex we first took it slow we started oral for about 2-3 months in the relation ship and then had sex in the 4th month, we both really loved it and we both said it was it was really great. This was going on for about four months, 2-3 a week. Then the oral and the sex just stopped just like that we did not have sex for 4 weeks, so I sat down with her and speak to her in a calm way. Later that day we had sex but this not sort the problem.
    We then decided to get her on the pill because she did not want to be pregnant yet, at last I thought I found the problem but I was wrong about 1 month after the she had the pill she does not want it at all, but when I try to speak to her she does not even want to know and some time it can turn to a argument, I try to tell here how I fell but she takes it to offense and thinks I am being mardy over it all, but all I am doing is just talking to on how I feel but does not take the notice. So then I spiced things up so I brought her a vibrator but that did not even effect it we had sex about once every 2 months, I even try dressing up and sex games but that don't seem to work.
    And now its just crumbled down, we have sex every 20 weeks now and we even miss sex on our birthdays, valentines day and even new years eve. I also found out she hates using condoms but she don't want to get pregnant, so either way we will not have it.

    About our sex.
    We had sex in in different positions and change all the time, we change oral sex and sex from time to time when she wants to and I can last a long time and I asked if there is anything she wants me to do and she's say no. we even had sex blind folded and she said it was sooo intense and she wants to do it again but that day has not arrive, also when she is ON she wants it really bad but she don't want to have sex because of she feels its unhygienic (which I fully respect that) so I don't win that way either

    Some one please help its destroying me and our relationship
  • Sep 7, 2012, 01:09 PM
    Toxic_Kiwiw
    Well, you might not want to hear this but, maybe she's not as into you as much anymore. Or maybe she's taking up a religeon that she hasn't told you about. Maybe she feels like you're smothering her, and she might want a little more space. Or maybe she doesn't like having sex, but she has it anyway because she doesn't want to lose you. Maybe if you gave her a little more space, then after a certain amount of time you ask her about sex, she'll say yes. Idk, I'm just suggesting things, things that could be of no help, or that could be. You'll just have to find out yourself.

    Hope I helped, I probably didn't but ahwell. Oops
  • Sep 7, 2012, 03:13 PM
    Cat1864
    Quote:
    me (18years) and my girlfriend (18years) have been dating for just over 3 years and known each other for 14 years. We both love each other very much I always treat her I take her to watch films, shopping, camping, meals, restaurants, and even home made meals with romance.

    we did not rush into sex we first took it slow we started oral for about 2-3 months in the relation ship and and then had sex in the 4th month, we both really loved it and we both said it was it was really great. This was going on for about four months, 2-3 a week. Then the oral and the sex just stopped just like that we did not have sex for 4 weeks, so I sat down with her and speak to her in a calm way. Later that day we had sex but this not sort the problem.
    We then decided to get her on the pill because she did not want to be pregnant yet, at last I thought I found the problem but I was wrong about 1 month after the she had the pill she does not want it at all, but when I try to speak to her she does not even want to know and some time it can turn to a argument, I try to tell here how I fell but she takes it to offense and thinks I am being mardy over it all, but all I am doing is just talking to on how I feel but does not take the notice. So then I spiced things up so I brought her a vibrator but that did not even effect it we had sex about once every 2 months, I even try dressing up and sex games but that don't seem to work.
    And now its just crumbled down, we have sex every 20 weeks now and we even miss sex on our birthdays, valentines day and even new years eve. I also found out she hates using condoms but she don't want to get pregnant, so either way we will not have it.

    About our sex.
    We had sex in in different positions and change all the time, we change oral sex and sex from time to time when she wants to and I can last a long time and I asked if there is anything she wants me to do and she's say no. we even had sex blind folded and she said it was sooo intense and she wants to do it again but that day has not arrive, also when she is ON she wants it really bad but she don't want to have sex because of she feels its unhygienic (which I fully respect that) so I don't win that way either

    Some one please help its destroying me and our relationship
    This isn't meant to sound judgmental, but by your post you started having sex at 15 years of age. Yes, you did rush into sex and sexual contact if you were having oral sex two months into the relationship and intercourse by the fourth month. It was great when it was new because of lust, the new sensations, the learning about how bodies connect, someone taking care of your sexual needs other than yourself, etc.

    It tapered off because sex isn't the only thing in a relationship. It isn't the only way to show affection and intimacy. It enhances a consenting adult relationship instead of taking it over.

    My impression from reading your post is that you allowed sexual gratification to take the place of non-sexual ways to show love. When it slowed down, I can guess that you started doing things in expectation of getting sex. Then when she still didn't respond the way you thought she should, you put more pressure on her to meet your needs. And she backed off. Have you given her space instead of birth control or vibrators?

    Are you both out of school yet? Is she trying to focus on the rest of her life, schooling, military service, job advancement, etc. Is she concerned about her future? Is she stressed about the present?

    Is there more to your relationship than sex? Do you love each other or are you still together because it is habit and what you have known?
  • Sep 7, 2012, 05:11 PM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by warshrimp View Post
    we did not rush into sex we first took it slow we started oral for about 2-3 months in the relation ship and and then had sex in the 4th month ...

    Isn't this pretty much what President Clinton said? Oral sex IS sex.

    If this is a deal breaker for you and she won't talk to you, then it's time for you to move on. Maybe she's afraid of pregnancy. If she is - are you prepared to raise a child financially and emotionally?

    People I found attractive when I was 15 are not the people I found attractive when I was 18.
  • Sep 7, 2012, 05:18 PM
    Alty
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    Isn't this pretty much what President Clinton said? Oral sex IS sex.

    If this is a deal breaker for you and she won't talk to you, then it's time for you to move on. Maybe she's afraid of pregnancy. If she is - are you prepared to raise a child financially and emotionally?

    People I found attractive when I was 15 are not the people I found attractive when I was 18.
    To add to that, people I dated when I was 18, I had no interest in when I turned 19.

    People change. Most people don't find their mate at 15.

    But I do agree with Cat. I have to say, judging by the question, you mention this sex issue a lot. You mention it all the time. It sounds like that's all you talk about. So let me ask you this. If your mother tells you to pick up your socks every day, because you leave them on the floor, how long before you're sick and tired of hearing about your socks? Do you pick them up once in a while to shut her up, but most of the time leave them on the floor to show her that you're in charge?

    Think about it.
  • Sep 8, 2012, 06:43 AM
    Fr_Chuck
    And it sounded unless I read it wrong, he was talking about all he did, and felt like sex was a trade off for things he was buying or doing. It does not work like that.

    You have to respect her wishes and work on the relationship without sex all the time, without asking for it, and see if things get back to normal
  • Sep 8, 2012, 06:47 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    and it sounded unless I read it wrong, he was talking about all he did, and felt like sex was a trade off for things he was buying or doing. It does not work like that.

    You have to respect her wishes and work on the relationship without sex all the time, without asking for it, and see if things get back to normal


    Good, FrChuck - I read what you posted, read backwards, and, yes, it does look like a trade off "sex for things."
  • Sep 8, 2012, 07:38 PM
    smoothy
    I also read into this thread.. three years of her being a sex toy... but nothing about them being engaged yet or even talking about taking it to the next level... marriage.

    I don't see a relationship.. I see a series of booty calls. And so does she most likely..

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