Ask Me Help Desk - Am I going crazy

I have been with my fiancé 4 1/2 yrs we have a child together and he is helping me raise 2 others from a previous relationship legally we are not married but it sure seems like it at times. I found out a lot about him within the first year he lies about money he is secretive, past relationships gone horribly wrong him being cheated on and he said he has cheated before in a previous relationship. So naturally I had kept my guard for the next 2 yrs his lies have revolved around money. When I started to see a pattern I contacted a counselor. So he could see the importance of being honest and communicating with your partner. We went to 3 sessions not much changed. We got along for a while and started house hunting. This past spring I bought a house for us and the house we all agreed on. For a couple weeks things went good caught him lying again about money . He also had been in contact with an ex he shares a kid with (legally he has no rights to the child) and decided he wants to be in his life now. I totally have supported that but was really hurt he didn't tell me he was texting her or deleting her texts after him doing that saying he hates me I decided it was time to go that lasted a week and within 3 weeks he was lying again about a video game he bought for that child he was 400$ in the hole on his bank account and spent a 100$ on his game and the child's deliberately fabricated 3 lies and stood his ground I called his bluff and 5 days later he left again this time for 3 weeks finally let him back I checked his phone the other day just to see if I had made the right decision he started a Facebook lied to my face about it and had been on eharmony but swears he's trustworthy? What? I feel crazy hunting for stuff and for wanting to believe him with all of this how could he not be cheating so needless to say back at square one pissed for trusting him to keep his promises and for buying a house he said he would help financially and he has drained me I've always been the optimist in this relationship and now we have completely flip flopped I feel physically sick and discusted I have been down this road before I can't believe I kept fighting my gut when clearly something is going on I feel there is so much more out there and that fact that I may never know and that I cannot ever believe anything he is telling me is the part that is killing me I just wish he'd come clean if there is more

You should have ran to the other direction the second you found him lying and cheating but you practically shrug it off slap his wrist and let him know there's no serious repercussions for his actions. You've let him get away with everything basically, so he's going to keep doing it because he knows you're not going anywhere.

The real question is. When and where are you going to draw the line? This won't stop, it's who he is and now that he knows you're not doing anything about it, what's to stop him?

Quote:

Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

You should have ran to the other direction the second you found him lying and cheating but you practically shrug it off slap his wrist and let him know there's no serious repercussions for his actions. You've let him get away with everything basically, so he's going to keep doing it because he knows you're not going anywhere.

The real question is. When and where are you going to draw the line? This won't stop, it's who he is and now that he knows you're not doing anything about it, what's to stop him?

I filed for child support in hopes that he would know how serious I am I have even contemplated telling him I've cheated so he would hate me for a reason and leave me alone I feel he has an extreme bond with his child and that's why he keeps playing these games I was very strong I feel so weak and helpless raising 3 kids alone and feeling this depressed and all the weight of the kids the house I'm am so stressed working swing shifts and not having help I basically feel screwed over and am hating myself right now I feel worthless my life has spun out of control I cannot afford this mess and I'm bitter sometimes I feel like if I let him go I would find my strong self again and then I think about doing it alone again with the 3 kids and I don't even want to do anything but cry and curl into a ball and give up I'm tired I feel sick I have no physical evidence of him sleeping with someone else but at this point I wouldn't be surprised I feel like he is capable of just about anything

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenzilla

I filed for child support in hopes that he would know how serious I am I have even contemplated telling him I've cheated so he would hate me for a reason and leave me alone I feel he has an extreme bond with his child and that's why he keeps playing these games I was very strong I feel so weak and helpless raising 3 kids alone and feeling this depressed and all the weight of the kids the house I'm am so stressed working swing shifts and not having help I basically feel screwed over and am hating myself right now I feel worthless my life has spun out of control I cannot afford this mess and I'm bitter sometimes I feel like if I let him go I would find my strong self again and then I think about doing it alone again with the 3 kids and I don't even want to do anything but cry and curl into a ball and give up I'm tired I feel sick I have no physical evidence of him sleeping with someone else but at this point I wouldn't be surprised I feel like he is capable of just about anything

You need to get him out of your life from the way it sounds. Emotions are contagious, especially anger and depression. Do you have family that can maybe lend a helping hand? Help get you back on your feet?

Quote:

Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

You need to get him out of your life from the way it sounds. Emotions are contagious, especially anger and depression. Do you have family that can maybe lend a helping hand? Help get you back on your feet?

. Not really I'm just going to check the cell phone records and go from there if my suspicions are confirmed then ill plan for me and my girls to fly solo.. I just can't believe I got suckered again

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenzilla

. Not really I'm just gonna check the cell phone records and go from there if my suspicions are confirmed then ill plan for me and my girls to fly solo.. I just can't believe I got suckered again

Snooping leads to nothing but trouble. You're unhappy, that should be grounds enough to walk out.

So a little update what I thought were major problems now seem minor compared to what I have found out. I did kick him out my father has now moved in to help with bills and the kids. I met with our former relationship counselor after hearing about my ex trying to get custody of our child. After talking to her she thinks he may be a sociopath with all the lying irresponsibility and pill taking and so much more. OMG It all fell in place I was being used and not only that he is trying to make me look crazy. I am concerned greatly for my child I want her as far away from him as possible. I have contacted our local legal aide and being a single mother in Ohio I am automatically the custodial parent but at some point I am going to have to face him in court. Im scared as hell I just don't know who or what I am dealing with not only that I shared a bed with this man for over 4 years. I cannot get this out of my mind all the things I know or don't know how can I expose him legally and get through this without losing my sanity??

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenzilla

So a little update what I thought were major problems now seem minor compared to what I have found out. I did kick him out my father has now moved in to help with bills and the kids. I met with our former relationship counselor after hearing about my ex trying to get custody of our child. After talking to her she thinks he may be a sociopath with all the lying irresponsibility and pill taking and so much more. OMG It all fell in place I was being used and not only that he is trying to make me look crazy. I am concerned greatly for my child I want her as far away from him as possible. I have contacted our local legal aide and being a single mother in ohio I am automatically the custodial parent but at some point I am going to have to face him in court. Im scared as hell I just dont know who or what I am dealing with not only that I shared a bed with this man for over 4 years. I cannot get this out of my mind all the things I know or dont know how can I expose him legally and get through this without losing my sanity????

Just keep your chin up and do what's best for your child.

Quote:

Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

Just keep your chin up and do what's best for your child.

I just wanted to thank you, the original reply from you is what stuck in my head and ultimatly was my deciding factor to get rid of him. ( funny how hearing stuff like that from a complete stranger can have that strong of an impact.) We went to child support Monday to set up what he is to pay per month. He was showing his hiney a little to the administrative officer and also had wrecked his car so maybe its karma or he is obviously just that irresponsible. I have let him talk to our daughter over the phone and he has tried to play her by putting a guilt trip on so that will no longer be happening. I met him at a park once to and absolutely regretted that so until we go to court and he has rights I will not be doing that either. Correcting the damage he has done to all of us seems to be a neverending daily battle but I am strong and gaining my confidence back and Im beginning to feel good about myself again. So again I just wanted to thank you for your advice and seeing what I didn't want to see... Protecting my children is what's best and living a happy healthy life.