Ask Me Help Desk - Very sad and depressed!!

I feel like my 5 year old hates me. I'll explain my story. Five years ago I had a little boy. I was so excited and happy but my problem was pills. I started using drugs when his father and I got together. Then quit once I knew about my pregnancy. So anyway, a year and a half after birth his father and I broke up. I couldn't deal with the people always coming over, the drugs and so forth. (I quit about 4 months before we broke up) so I had no where to go. I moved out of my house and was bouncing back and forth from friends to family. Well I met another guy and we have been together since. Actually 3.5 yrs now. But when I didn't have a stable place to go I asked my son's grandparents to take temporary custody of my son so I can get my life back on track. They agreed to help. B.c if I didn't I knew children Services would get involved. So I've been kept contact with my son everyday. And I keep him a lot. Ive talked to his grandmother about getting him back and she always comes up with an excuse. I understand she is attached. But seriously?! So everything was fine. So I'm always there for my son. His dad doesn't really take part in his life. My boyfriend of 3.5 yrs has stepped in and fathered him. I recently had a newborn over the summer and a few weeks before the birth of my son's sister he has been acting.very unruly. Won't listen and hits people gets mouthy and is very bad. Now my daughter is 3 months and its worse. He doesn't want to be around me or look at me. Acts like he hates me and doesn't listen to me. Gives me the hardest time ever. I cry and ball my eyes out. I don't know what else to do. Ive tried getting him back but it's a fight. I don't have money for an attorney right now. I feel like his grandparents are filling his head with BS. (Remind you, these aren't my parents) but you wouldn't think he is mine. Not listening to me, tells me what he is doing, mouthy, very bad. Punches me. But he gets away with all this at his grandparents. Please I need advice. I need someone to help me. Im spending days and nights crying b.c my son hates me or at least it seems like it. Im mentally exhausted on what there is to do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hnichole

I feel like my 5 year old hates me. I'll explain my story. Five years ago i had a little boy. I was so excited and happy but my problem was pills. I started using drugs when his father and i got together. Then quit once i knew about my pregnancy. So anyways, a year and a half after birth his father and i broke up. I couldnt deal with the people always coming over, the drugs and so forth. (i quit about 4 months before we broke up) so i had no where to go. I moved out of my house and was bouncing back and forth from friends to family. Well i met another guy and we have been together since. Actually 3.5 yrs now. But when i didnt have a stable place to go i asked my son's grandparents to take temporary custody of my son so i can get my life back on track. They agreed to help. B.c if i didnt i knew children Services would get involved. So ive been kept contact with my son everyday. And i keep him a lot. Ive talked to his grandmother about getting him back and she always comes up with an excuse. I understand she is attached. But seriously?!? So everything was fine. So im always there for my son. His dad doesnt really take part in his life. My boyfriend of 3.5 yrs has stepped in and fathered him. I recently had a newborn over the summer and a few weeks before the birth of my son's sister he has been acting.very unruly. Wont listen and hits people gets mouthy and is very bad. Now my daughter is 3 months and its worse. He doesnt want to be around me or look at me. Acts like he hates me and doesnt listen to me. Gives me the hardest time ever. I cry and ball my eyes out. I dont know what else to do. Ive tried getting him back but its a fight. I dont have money for an attorney right now. I feel like his grandparents are filling his head with BS. (Remind you, these arent my parents) but you wouldnt think he is mine. Not listening to me, tells me what he is doing, mouthy, very bad. Punches me. But he gets away with all this at his grandparents. Please i need advice. I need someone to help me. Im spending days and nights crying b.c my son hates me or at least it seems like it. Im mentally exhausted on what there is to do.

I would guess he's got a double dose of jealousy going on - there's an infant (which can spin 5-year olds out into space) AND the infant lives with you. He doesn't. Maybe the Grandparents are filling his head with nonsense. Maybe they aren't.

Advice? Get into counselling with the child.

You probably should have straightened things out with the 5-year old before having another child. Hindsite is always 20/20.

Wow, that was harsh! Don't you think if hind-sight was 20/20, she would have never asked them for help and certainly never left her son there!
Yes, there is a new baby and yes he doesn't live there but that could be dealt with and probably easily if the grandparents weren't messing with his head!
They way he's acting out makes it obvious the grandparents are screwing with his head. Kids that are treated with their best interest at heart and both parties cooperate don't act out like that.
If somebody wasn't telling him such things like "Mommy loves the new baby more than you", "Mommy's doesn't love you, we do, that's why you live with us." Those are only a couple examples, but you get the idea. If someone wasn't telling him such things he wouldn't know how to act like that because where would the frustration and anger come from?
Yes, the best and really the only thing is counseling. Finding the right counsler is crucial! Don't settle! Keeping looking you one you are comfortable with. Not one that will choose a side but one that has the true best interest of your child.

Sorry wake up to the truth, first he is 5, 5 year olds can hate everybody on different days.

Next they are very very jealous, so he is having extreme issues with a new child.

And most likely thinks you don' love him as much, since he does not live with you.

Also who has actual court ordered custody ? If grandma never got court ordered custody, you can just come get child and take him home with you. I would not with out counseling at this point, since the child is most likely seriously confussed

I keep reading this over and over, and nowhere do you say that he lives with your ex's parents. You just keep saying 'his grandparents' and then that they are not your parents, so that leaves his father's parents. Of course they would resent you and your new boyfriend! Then you call your daughter your 'son's sister.' Huh? The grandparents who aren't even related to you, who probably hate your guts, are also probably filling his head with the fact that she has a different father and may even be simplifying it to 'she's not your sister.' You seem to be in some sort of denial, and seem disbelieving that a biological child can not consider his biological mother his real mother. Get your son back, get help at the same time, or this is just going to get worse. And tell us what the formal custody arrangement is, if any.