Me and my ex have been divorced for 2 days and she is already trying to move our almost 2 yr old son from where we live now (TN) up in KY with a man she has only known a week. We have joint custody and have the same amount of time with him. If she moves he loses his daycare where I live. Plus I don't want my son living so far away from me. Its well over 100 mi away. And if he attends school there doesn't that mean I won't get to see him until summer vacation?She also expects me to meet her halfway to pick him up on my days with him and we already agreed to meet at a place in town where we live now. I'm really stressing about this and would really appreciate some help. One more question I have is, when our son gets old enough to attend school, she says we have to change our parenting plan (Which is a PERMANENT PARENTING PLAN) to one of us will have him mon through fri and the other parent sat and sun and she says she WILL NOT have him only on sat and sun that she would get him the 5 days. Will this schedule have to change like she says?

I'm not sure how YOUR state where custody was issued views this... but many other states would prevent taking children out of the state away from the other parent... without that person giving up their custody of the child.

New York is such a state... and yes I personally knew someone that had to move back to NY to avoid losing custody of her children which she had MOST of the time except during visitation.

Hopefuilly someone else will answer with more specific answers based on your specific state.

Is your current parenting plan court ordered? Was it part of the divorce settlement? If it is and she moves without court permission, then you file to charge her with contempt of court and the court should issue an order allowing you to retrieve the child.

If the parenting plan was not part of the divorce settlement or not ordered by the court, then she may be free to move.

Once the child goes to school, unless you both live in the same school district, then typically a court will award primary (sometimes referred to as residential) custody to one parent so the child can go to one school. So yes, it is probable it will change if it becomes a problem for your son to attend the school.

If she tries to move without court permission in defiance of a standing court approved parenting plan, then you may be able to get primary custody.

Your divorce decree (including, apparently, an incorporated parenting plan) is only two days old and it's falling apart already? You need to go back to court and get it more carefully drafted. It should include such things as, obviously, whether she can move with you still required to meet her half-way, and how school will affect your visitiaton.

We agreed that I would have him thur fri sat and half of sun and she gets the rest, which is equal amount of time. We told the court that we agreed and wanted it that way and they wrote it down in our permanent parenting plan. Can I make her bring him to the agreed meeting place or do I have to meet her halfway up in ky like she wants? She says moving him in ky with another man is giving him a better life but its not in my eyes because she is moving him far from his father. I won't be able to participate in his school lunches or anything that way. I am a good father and I love my son and he loves me. We spend every sec together that we can. She on the othe hand doesn't have him as much because when she has to work over or has something to do she wants me to watch him even when its on her day with him, which is fine with me. I love being with him. And I was hoping that when he starts school that we could somehow agree on a plan that would be more fair than her having him 5 days and me only get 2.

And the current parenting plan we are on won't affect his schooling schedule at all. It's the same schedule he has now in daycare. I don't understand why it would change?

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Originally Posted by mnfa025

... Can i make her bring him to the agreed meeting place or do i have to meet her halfway up in ky like she wants? ...

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Is this agreed meeting place in the PP? If not, as I say, you need to go back to court, preferably while the case is fresh in the judge's mind. In fact the rules in many places only give you 5 days or so to move to amend the judgment (or decree) based upon an error like this.

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Originally Posted by mnfa025

And the current parenting plan we are on wont affect his schooling schedule at all. Its the same schedule he has now in daycare. I dont understand why it would change?

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Maybe you had better think about it a little more. You first said this:

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Originally Posted by mnfa025

... when our son gets old enough to attend school, she says we have to change our parenting plan ... to one of us will have him mon through fri and the other parent sat and sun...

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Presumably this means that under the current plan you have him on some days in the school week. So of course the current plan will affect his schooling. It's not reasonable, is it, to expect to drive him ~200 miles rount trip on each school day she has him?

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Originally Posted by mnfa025

We agreed that i would have him thur fri sat and half of sun and she gets the rest, which is equal amount of time. We told the court that we agreed and wanted it that way and they wrote it down in our permanent parenting plan. Can i make her bring him to the agreed meeting place or do i have to meet her halfway up in ky like she wants? She says moving him in ky with another man is giving him a better life but its not in my eyes bcuz she is moving him far from his father. I wont be able to participate in his school lunches or anything that way. I am a good father and i love my son and he loves me. We spend every sec together that we can. She on the othe hand doesnt have him as much bcuz when she has to work over or has something to do she wants me to watch him even when its on her day with him, which is fine with me. I love being with him. And i was hoping that when he starts school that we could somehow agree on a plan that would be more fair than her having him 5 days and me only get 2.

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If there is an agreed meeting place in the Parenting Plan and she does not show up at the appointed time, then you head to court at the next opportunity and have her held in contempt.

It doesn't matter what SHE thinks is a better life. She has to convince a court that it is.

Again, the only problem once he goes to school would be how far apart you live. If you both live close enough to get him to school, then you should be OK.

Ok what I mean is, right now mon through fri he goes to daycare and can be dropped off anywhere between 7:30 and 9 and can be picked up between 2 and 3:30. That's pretty much the same times he will be dropped off and picked up when he starts actual school. I don't see why it would affect our parenting schedule because mon through wed on her days, she can drop him off and pick him up and on my days I can do the same so why would they want to change it? And yes the meeting place which is a grocery store parking lot was what we agreed on and I told my lawyer that we wanted it to be there. Well if she does move to ky, she expects me to drive from TN up in ky halfway to meet her just so she can live with this man that won't even be with her because she said he is deploying at the first of the year. He is wanting her to move with him close to the base so that he can see her. From my understanding, your not allowed to leave base in basic training. But she threw a fit over the thought of me moving 30 mi away because he would lose his daycare but it's OK for her to move and him lose it. He has to have his daycare because I have to sleep in the mornings based on my work schedule. Sorry my message was so long lol. There is just so much to the story and I don't know what to do. Oh and let me add that she smokes in the car with my 20 month old son and her 6 year old boy. And I'm not so sure drugs aren't involved. I know her brother that lives with her got caught for meth so...

And right now, we both live about 15 20 mi apart. That's one reason why I don't want her to move to ky. If she does and can get away with it, then I won't get to see my son if he starts school where she moves to. I just think that's so unfair. I wouldn't do her that way. We agreed on everything to be 50 50.

Again, what matters here is what the court has ordered. She can't change that without court approval. The problem here is you can't stop her from moving, but if she does move you can get the court to order that the child be returned.

You can remind her that she signed off on this parenting plan and the court approved it. So she has to adhere to it until a court changes it or be in contempt of court.

Ok I finally got through to my lawyer and he said to tell her no she can't move. She has to have the courts approval first which she probably won't get because the judge will look for the best interest of the child. He agreed that moving him miles away from his family and causing him to lose his daycare to move in with another man wasn't in the best interest of the child. So if she does I will file a petition against it. Said I could probably get full custody but I don't know if I want to go that far yet. Also the parenting plan stays the same throughout school. Thanks for all the help!

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Originally Posted by mnfa025

Ok i finally got through to my lawyer and he said to tell her no she can't move. She has to have the courts approval first which she probably wont get bcuz the judge will look for the best interest of the child. He agreed that moving him miles away from his family and causing him to lose his daycare to move in with another man wasn't in the best interest of the child. So if she does i will file a petition against it. Said i could probably get full custody but idk if i wanna go that far yet. Also the parenting plan stays the same throughout school. Thanks for all the help!

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What your lawyer is telling you is part law and part opinion. He is telling you the same thing we told you. He is right that she has to obtain court permission to legally move. We told you that from the beginning. However, what he thinks the judge will do is his opinion. I happen to think he's right and he knows the local courts better than I do.

I would NOT however tell her she "can't move". What I would tell her is that she would be violating the parenting plan she agreed to if she moves without court approval. And that there will be serious consequences to her is she does defy the court order. Those consequences may include her losing joint physical custody.

I do want to add to this, as far as her moving, if you do go for primary physical custody in order to keep your son with you, make sure you specify in the order that you still keep the current meeting place. She would have to req to change the meeting place in the new order, and currently, if she moved she would still be required to meet you at the place noted in your current order, so her demand that you have to meet her halfway is not legit (unless the order states to meet halfway). We had a similar sitation where before my husband gained custody of his son, we were forced to drive two hours round trip to pick up AND drop off his son because they refused to meet us saying that because my husband only had visitation, he was responsible for all drive time, so he filed to have it placed in the order that they meet us half way at a specific point. Now that my husband has custody of his son, the order states whoever's time it is is responsible for picking up their son, so she has to come get him at our home when it's her weekend, we go pick him up Sunday evening.