Ask Me Help Desk - Advice in custody and visitation court situations

Hello, I am a single mother of 2 young girls... last year after a awful separation I am now going through an awful custody/visitation battle with my youngest child's father> I have custody of both of my children.. he was granted supervised visitation last October with a family member... her father has a criminal history some domestic battery the list can go on, but is now going for joint custody of her.. my question is how in any judges right mind would they allow him to go from supervised visits to joint or even him going after full custody of our child be possible? The father is trying to bring up incidents that have happened with family members and has abosolutely nothing to do with me and I myself nor my children were present when their mistakes and offenses occurred... will that stand up in court is another question I have as well!

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Originally Posted by mommyofmy2

Hello, I am a single mother of 2 young girls...last year after a awful seperation i am now going through an awful custody/visitation battle with my youngest childs father> i have custody of both of my children.. he was granted supervised visitation last October with a family member... her father has a criminal history some domestic battery the list can go on, but is now goin for joint custody of her.. my question is how in any judges right mind would they allow him to go from supervised visits to joint or even him goin after full custody of our child be possible?? the father is tryin to bring up incidents that have happened with family members and has abosolutely nothing to do with me and i myself nor my children were present when their mistakes and offenses occurred... will that stand up in court is another question i have as well!!

Without knowing the details it's very difficult to say. You say "he was granted supervised visitation" and then you say, "Her father ..." I am guessing the person on supervised visitation is the father?

If he is NOT a danger to the any longer - physically, emotionally - it is possible that he will get unsupervised visitation. Will he get full (I assume mean residential) custody? Probably not, unless he PROVES you are somehow unfit or a danger to the child, again, physically or emotionally. If you have family members who would be a danger to the children then you and the children have to stay away from them. Are family problems/mistakes yours? No, not unless your children will have some contact with the people.

Will what stand up in Court?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Without knowing the details it's very difficult to say. You say "he was granted supervised visitation" and then you say, "Her father ..." I am guessing the person on supervised visitation is the father?

If he is NOT a danger to the any longer - physically, emotionally - it is possible that he will get unsupervised visitation. Will he get full (I assume mean residential) custody? Probably not, unless he PROVES you are somehow unfit or a danger to the child, again, physically or emotionally. If you have family members who would be a danger to the children then you and the children have to stay away from them. Are family problems/mistakes yours? No, not unless your children will have some contact with the people.

Will what stand up in Court?

I guess I couls clarify that... obviously the judge seen it fit to allow only supervised visitation and yes at the time of the manner he was a threat he has been charged domestic violence and front of my 2 children... but yes it is a very difficult situation and I don't think he is a danger to her and put her in harms way but giving his past history and last years history its hard to say.. I will not degrade him an say his fathering skills are terrible I just can not get over the thought of him trying to get custody or even joint custody of our child... he went from facing 20 yrs in prison to having the case dismissed due to the victim not showing up for court.. that he thinks will play in his favor I think but its about out child an he hasn't had a place of his own just recently moved into a house over the weekend , I have had a stable living situation for over a yr and as far as the family members I believe I can have a relationship and love them uncindtionally but I won't leave my children with them.. but am not punishing myself for their mistakes having something that has no relavance to my case cause me to jepordize anything..

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Originally Posted by mommyofmy2

I guess I couls clarify that.... obviously the judge seen it fit to allow only supervised visitation and yes at the time of the manner he was a threat he has been charged domestic violence n front of my 2 children... but yes it is a very difficult situation and i dont think he is a danger to her and put her in harms way but giving his past history and last years history its hard to say.. i will not degrade him an say his fathering skills are terrible i just can not get over the thought of him tryin to get custody or even joint custody of our child... he went from facing 20 yrs in prison to having the case dismissed due to the victim not showing up for court.. that he thinks will play in his favor i think but its about out child an he hasnt had a place of his own just recently moved into a house over the weekend , i have had a stable living situation for over a yr and as far as the family members i believe i can have a relationship and love them uncindtionally but i wont leave my children with them.. but am not punishing myself for their mistakes having something that has no relavance to my case cause me to jepordize anything..

You are not being unreasonable, not at all - if you think the father makes bad decisions, might make a bad decision that would effect your children, then you have to let the Court know the details. It's not badmouthing him. It's keeping your children safe.

And, again, what you think is not important, has no relevance, may very well not be the opinion of the Court. I am in and out of Court all the time. You cannot be making bad judgments, either, if you want to continue to be the custodial parent. If you can be with family members who have some sort of past history and you can keep your children safe and not exposed to anything inappropriate, then go to Court and prove that.

It's going to be what you can prove and what you can prove. Your children have been with you and haven't had any problems. I see no reason why the Court would change that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mommyofmy2

I guess I couls clarify that.... obviously the judge seen it fit to allow only supervised visitation and yes at the time of the manner he was a threat he has been charged domestic violence n front of my 2 children... but yes it is a very difficult situation and i dont think he is a danger to her and put her in harms way but giving his past history and last years history its hard to say.. i will not degrade him an say his fathering skills are terrible i just can not get over the thought of him tryin to get custody or even joint custody of our child... he went from facing 20 yrs in prison to having the case dismissed due to the victim not showing up for court.. that he thinks will play in his favor i think but its about out child an he hasnt had a place of his own just recently moved into a house over the weekend , i have had a stable living situation for over a yr and as far as the family members i believe i can have a relationship and love them uncindtionally but i wont leave my children with them.. but am not punishing myself for their mistakes having something that has no relavance to my case cause me to jepordize anything..

It just seems like anything and everything he can try to hold over my head he does and he always verbally threatens me with things... me I have a protective order against him and can only communicate through text message to him and it can only be reagrding to our child and of course that's is how it always starts then it is anything that he can do to play the mental game with me... one week its I love you and want all this to go away an I wish you would give me a second chance blah blah blah but then the next week he is going to tell me what I am going to do and its always about the guidelines but he never comprimises with anything... an says that it will all come out in court. So as you can see it is a HUGE mental game with him an I never know what to expect with him from week to week and that's what makes my situation so confusing he has blindsided me with the family members discoveries an trying to say that my child spends a lot of time with them which is a false statement we both live in different cities an several minutes away I relocated to get away from his drama and it has followed me obviously it is sad that such a young little girl has to go through this an be bounced back and forth between us and try to understand it

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Originally Posted by mommyofmy2

it just seems like anything and everything he can try to hold over my head he does and he always verbally threatens me with things...me i have a protective order against him and can only communicate thru txt message to him and it can only be reagrding to our child and ofcourse thats is how it always starts then it is anything that he can do to play the mental game with me... one week its i love you and want all this to go away an i wish you would give me a second chance blah blah blah but then the next week he is gona tell me what i am goin to do and its always about the guidelines but he never comprimises with anything...an says that it will all come out in court. So as you can see it is a HUGE mental game with him an i never know what to expect with him from week to week and thats what makes my situation so confusing he has blindsided me with the family members discoveries an tryin to say that my child spends alot of time with them which is a false statment we both live in different cities an several mins away i relocated to get away from his drama and it has jus followed me obviously it is sad that such a young lil girl has to go through this an be bounced back n forth between us and try to understand it

He's a bully - and I think he keeps proving he's a bully.

And I agree that your little girl has to pay the price because he's a juvenile bully. Of course, you do seem to have yourself together, you aren't overreacting, and you are trying to keep your kids safe.

The Court will listen to both sides. The best thing you can do is remain calm and explain "your side" calmly.

The restraining order, of course, is a LOT of points on your side.

Please stay with me and let me know how things play out.

Keep in mind, that anyone can bring almost anything to court. That doesn't mean they will win. The court doesn't say what motions can be presented to them, it can only decide how to rule on those motions. So the fact that he can get hearings doesn't mean he will win. As long as you can show you are providing a stable, and safe home, I doubt if anything will be changed.