I was sleeping with a female at work where I am a female too. We've been sleeping together for 8 months where it became stressful with trust issues and silly arguments. She recently ended it and wants us to be just friends with no sex and if I don't want that, she said then we have to be coworkers. Where I feel as much as I like her, I don't want that.

I've cut down on the calls and have given her space. Thursday night she decided to go for a drink as we worked hard. I told her I think we should cut down on the linking up and if we have sex or if we don't, it wouldn't matter as she feels we sometimes spends 16 hours together.

I still never did get my answer due to some guy chatting me up at some pub, but that night we had some much fun and laughter where she said she had a good night, but when I walked her to the station, she was holding my finger while we were walking and gave me a tight hug as she went to get on her train.

Now even though I've told her what I want, shall I mention it again? The thing is we became good friends over the 8 months, and she feels our relationship is better without sex. She has told me about her past relationships which have been bad.

I've never been in with a woman before and I so miss touching her but this is the longest time we've had no contact in bed. I don't know what to do as I have to see her 35 hours a week or see her through the month. I want to leave my job to sort my head out but at the same time I don't because I'll miss being naughty with her.

I really need some advice.

She made it clear what she wants.
You responded that you didn't want that.
She wins, because she is the one who wants no sex, and there is nothing you can do about it. If you can't take the pub trips after work, with the long hugs, then don't go anywhere with her after work. If you can take a vacation, take it, and if you can't, do your best to avoid her at work, or find another job.

Its not about she wins she always breaks things off and still ends up in bed with me. I asked her why she want to be friends with me and her reply was because she enjoys hanging out with me but she feels the sex is the one that makes us argue where she has issues due to her past. I do agree when their no arguments it is nice but she always spoil things where she tries and wine me up when their no need for it. I guess your right I had to stop hanging out with her after work or us talking on the phone. If I can't accept being friends but I already explain to her if we can't be lovers then no point being friends because it will happen again us sleeping together. I'm just fed up with the whole thing cause all I'm getting is mix signals from her 1 minute I'm like a friend where the other she wants us to be lovers. Its suppose to be fun and all its been is a emotional state.

Your second response is more that she is giving mixed signals, so I guess only you know what's really going on. I realize that it's probably confusing when you not only work together, but she's your boss! I would just keep saying over and over (nicely) that you can't be lover one week and just friends the next, so to be fair to you, she needs to let you go.

You see what I mean now. I'm not going to lie this is the longest time we've not been sexual towards each other. And I am finding it hard I do respect her when we are at work and our private life is ours. I love the fun that no one knows we are having an affair at work. And my close friends say we only argue because its love where when I've asked her if she does she just lol and says no to me or her reply is its me that loves her. I told her I do love her but not crazy in love the love I would have to a close friend of mine and now she saying we shouldn't of got so close specially when its just sex. So as a stranger to myself I want you tell me how it is cause my friends think this is all ajoke where its killing me as this is my job too like you've stated. I will take the next reply you send me how it is.Thanks for listening

I was sleeping with my boss for 8 months where we are both females, and she ended it due to the arguments so she told me she didn't want the added pressure of the sex. But still wanted to remain as friends for what reason I don't know. She came into work last weekend stating she was not well due to a cold and went home. I contacted her Monday to see how she feeling and. She said a little better spoke to her for a few minutes and said I contact her Wednesday now I rang her Wednesday and Thrusday night and she ignored my calls for the 1st time in the last year we been talking. I know she can be a but since we've stop sleeping together I've cut down the communications, but what she is doing my not returning back my calls and she knows it will piss me off I have a feeling she is as not as sick as she was and has left london to visit her friend.But the way she is acting she will lose me as a friend and we will become co workers again. Am I being selfish in what I'm saying cause she ill with a cold or is she taking the piss out of me? I'm at the stage where I feel both of us are fed up with work and wants to leave but neither of us have left yet. Any advice

Keep it up and One of you will end up fired... maybe both... but more likely you would be the one they toss out, then try and collect unemployment.

Just let it go... you both made the mistake of messing around with someone you work with... now act like adults and not children because it didn't work out.

How many threads are you going to create on this... there are at least three. I reported one and have to report the other now.

I'm not acting like an child. I still want this to continue. And I doubt I be getting fired because I keep my work professional.

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Originally Posted by sonni b

I'm not acting like an child. I still want this to continue. And I doubt I be getting fired because I keep my work professional.

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Want to bet?. most companies have policies about this... and even if they don't you are likely AT-WILL employees and they don't even need a reason. They just get a hint of this from ANY trouble and it comes down fast, and it comes down hard... I've seen it happen at a number of companies I've worked at...

The boss has more value to them than the average Peon. So unless they kick out both (which does sometimes happen)... and only kick out one.. guess which it will be?

I doubt that will happen with us. As co workers just think we are close friends and I don't take my private life into work if we have issues as I don't need the headache else where.
But thanks for the info

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Originally Posted by sonni b

I doubt that will happen with us. As co workers just think we are close friends and I don't take my private life into work if we have issues as I don't need the headache else where.
But thanks for the info

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If there is friction... you may not see it but believe me everyone else will in a hurry.

And they will know about it long before you think they will.

If you can't walk away... and let it all drop, clean sever and that will NOT be easy to do, consider finding some other group to transfer into. This is NOT a good economy to be needing to find another job in.

Its not a matter of if, but when. Like I said, NEVER saw a single case where coworkers dated that DIDN'T end up real ugly. And I've see a lot of people and careers go down in flames over the last 30+ years I've been working.

And the more professional the office, the less they will tolerate it and harsher they will treat it.

I'm understanding what your saying. But believe me no one would have a clue about this at work. Its hard as I'm sexually attracted to her specially where I have never been with a woman before and now to control things she has taken out what I enjoy the most with her. And what's us to hang out I can't do this. Due to what else will be on my mind.

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Originally Posted by sonni b

I'm understanding what your saying. But believe me no one would have a clue about this at work. Its hard as I'm sexually attracted to her specially where I have never been with a woman before and now to control things she has taken out what I enjoy the most with her. And what's us to hang out I can't do this. Due to what else will be on my mind.

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You think that... but any change in how you deal with each other not matter how small and how much you try and hide it will be obvious to others..

Everyone thinks they are cool about it but they ALL end up being the brunt of the office jokes for a LOG time before it all blows up and before you know that ALL the others know. And those stories ALWAYS find their way to the much higher ups.

So you quit, and go somewhere else... before you end up fired... and it WILL come to that...

Thanks but I doubt that happen. We are to smart for this. Thanks I'm going off line have work soon don't want to be called in the office for being late.

No you aren't... in fact I bet you both are already the brunt of jokes...

If you were both smart, it would never have started in the first place.