Ask Me Help Desk - Marriage separation

I had to give my husband time to sort his thoughts.. I ended up degrating him in a heated argument I didn't mean a month ago.. Even if he already forgave me the next day.. It was still in his head, eating away at the love he has for me.. Because of that 1 incident, he now tells me he can't help think about what I told him, and he's unsure of his love for me.. doesn't know how he feels towards me, so we took a break and he left 1 month ago. Its been the worst thing I could have suggested.. I gave him an ultimatum.. either stay w/ me and work it out, or to have a better clearer mind... to sort out his feeling and see if he wants to continue our marriage and family (6 yr old boy).. . we only text or talk about our son... he never mentions me or brings me up.. as much as I want to ask him, if he's ready . I bite my toungue and just wait... we are supposed to meet and talk about US, next Monday.. Im really ansy about it.. Im scared he's going to want out.. . and that will crush me and my son as well.. To this day, we have showed my son, that family is the most important thing in the world... and what kind of example are we showing him.. not a good one at that.. Im willing and ready to work this out but it takes two... Should I just wait until he's ready? I'm scared he will love his life of being alone and not worrying about the family life, but what can I do?? Please help . Have been truly depressed.. and don't know what to do...

Quote:

Originally Posted by kathr1322

I had to give my husband time to sort his thoughts.. I ended up degrating him in a heated argument I didnt mean a month ago .. Even if he already forgave me the next day .. It was still in his head ,, eating away at the love he has for me.. Because of that 1 incident, he now tells me he can't help think about what I told him ,, and hes unsure of his love for me.. doesnt know how he feels towards me ,, so we took a break and he left 1 month ago. Its been the worst thing I could have suggested .. I gave him an ultimatum .. either stay w/ me and work it out ,, or to have a better clearer mind ... to sort out his feeling and see if he wants to continue our marriage and family (6 yr old boy). ... we only text or talk about our son ... he never mentions me or brings me up .. as much as I want to ask him ,, if hes ready . I bite my toungue and just wait .... we are supposed to meet and talk about US ,, next monday .. Im really ansy about it .. Im scared he's going to want out .. .and that will crush me and my son as well.. To this day, we have showed my son, that family is the most important thing in the world... and what kind of example are we showing him .. not a good one at that .. Im willing and ready to work this out but it takes two .... Should I just wait until he's ready? im scared he will love his life of being alone and not worrying about the family life, but what can I do ??? pls help . Have been truly depressed .. and dont know what to do ...

I don't know that "we" (you and your husband) caused this breach. It sounds like you were out of line, so out of line that your husband left.

I'd leave him alone until you meet, tell him how you feel and listen to what he has to say. I'd believe whatever it is that he tells you - he forgives it, he can't forgive it, something else.

Depends on exactly what you said, and how bad it was. But you saying those things and having a heated argument does not sound like keeping the family first to me.

Separating is not normally a good thing, but can work at times. Often he finds it is easier to walk away then. Is he paying the house bills while he is away ?

Telling him you were wrong, telling him you are sorry and that you want to go with him to counseling to work this out may be the words he wants to hear.

I would look into counseling. Marriage counseling would be best if he will be willing to go with you. You might consider making an appointment for yourself. It could help you deal with the fear, insecurity, and confusion.

There has to be more to the story than the one fight and 'degrading' comments you made during it for him to walk away and for you to be this worried about him wanting his freedom.

I have the feeling that the 'fight' was the equivalent of a volcano erupting. If so, then the pressure was building for quite a while. Possibly with no one paying attention to the warning signs.

In preparing for the worst case scenario, I think you need to consult a divorce lawyer to know what your rights and responsibilities are for the separation and possible divorce. You have a child caught up in this and for his sake and security you cannot sit back wait for whatever to happen especially if there is a chance he might try to walk away from all family related responsibilities.