My husband and I have been together for almost 13 years and we have a beautiful 9 year old daughter My problem is that I am wanting to have another baby and he says no. His reasons are that our daughter and the baby will not have good relationship until they are way older. We both come from families where there is a large age gap between some of the children. I have tried to explain to him that the age gap don't matter, that if they are going to be close the age will not matter. That my two younger siblings that are only 2 years apart do not get along at all, but I being 13 and 15 years older than then get along great. I don't know if I am taking it too personally but I feel like its just me that he don't want to have another kid with I say this because he has talked about getting fix but getting some sperm put away. I am getting to the age where soon it will be risky to have a baby (I am 33), so who is he thinking of having a kid with? Also I have joked and told him I will just trick him to get me pregnant and he said he would divorce me. Or when I say I really want to have another baby he says you can its just not going to be with me. Any thoughts would be great.

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Originally Posted by YesBaby

My husband and I have been together for almost 13 years and we have a beautiful 9 year old daughter My problem is that I am wanting to have another baby and he says no. His reasons are that our daughter and the baby will not have good relationship until they are way older. We both come from families where there is a large age gap between some of the children. I have tried to explain to him that the age gap don't matter, that if they are going to be close the age will not matter. That my two younger siblings that are only 2 years apart do not get along at all, but I being 13 and 15 years older than then get along great. I don't know if I am taking it too personally but i feel like its just me that he don't want to have another kid with I say this because he has talked about getting fix but getting some sperm put away. I am getting to the age where soon it will be risky to have a baby (I am 33), so who is he thinking of having a kid with? Also i have joked and told him I will just trick him to get me pregnant and he said he would divorce me. Or when I say I really want to have another baby he says you can its just not going to be with me. Any thoughts would be great.

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I don't know why you would even joke about "tricking" your husband into doing anything, and that includes having another child.

He's given you all of his reasons. I don't know that there's anything else to say.

This is not just your decision. It's a joint decision, like most other things between married couples.

Maybe he doesn't want to have another "kid" with you. Presumably he knows why. Ask him.

I think this is all about communication - what you want, what he wants. If you can't reach an agreement, yes, the marriage isn't going to last. He's given you his reasons, and he's probably done with the conversation.

I am surprised that you would consider tricking him, having a baby he does not want, causing that problem in your marriage, bringing a child into the World under those circumstances.

Does he have any other reasons than the age gap? I think there is more to it than him being concerned about how they will interact later in life. It is a concern that will grow with each passing year instead of dissipating.

Is he concerned about other things such as finances, housing, employment, health, government, and/or other factors he may feel he has little control over? Is he blaming an age gap to keep from opening up about other fears or has he tried to share them and you focus on the one concern you may feel you have some control over?

You mention how the age gaps affect your family, but how do they affect his?

Do you want another baby more than you want him? Have you thought about the effect of having a child with someone who doesn't one on the child?

How does he interact with your daughter? Is he a good father who is there for his child?

If you are having difficulty understanding each other's positions on this, think about marriage counseling.

If he has other reasons other than the age gap he has not shared them. We talk about issues openly with each other and rarely argue. As far as his relationships with his siblings, there are 8 total, 4 older and 3 younger, he gets along with all of them except for a couple and that is just personality differences. I want to have the baby with him not someone else, I love my husband, thus wanting to have his baby. He is a wonderful father to our daughter, even though when we first found out I was pregnant he wanted me to have an abortion. I guess I just would like to have a planned pregnancy that we were all excited and happy about. I guess it's just not meant to be.