Ask Me Help Desk - Can a marriage is possible in this relation?

Hi friends kindly help me in this problem.

My name is Sameer, I am muslim, I work in a Multinational company, I am succesfull in my life so far and earn around 25,000 per month.I am in love with a girl who is my relative, and I proposed her two years back and she accepted my proposal and from then we are in deep love with each other and we can't imagine our lives without each other. She is confident in convincing her parents about our love and same was the case with me until I got this problem. The problem is that she is the daughter of my sister in law and my sister in law is the daughter of my moms brother. It means my love will become my daughter in this relation, and her father and I doesn't have any blood relation in fact he is not related to any of my family or relatives, but since her father related to me as brother she becomes my daughter. Before loving her I considered this problem and asked so many friends whether if marriage is possible in this relation and she also did ask many friends before accepting my proposal and all our friends said it is possible since her father is not my own brother and has no blood relation to any of my family or relatives. Now their parents are looking matches for her and she is confident that she can convince our parents and also saying that this problem will not come in the minds of their parents or their relaives and that they accepts me. And when I raised the topic of my girlfriend to my parents that I want to marry her, my parents doesn't have any issues with my girlfriend but they are asking me how did you love the girl who is like your daugther and how a marriage is possible in this relation? Please advise me if I could marry this girl with this relation or is it written anywhere in ISLAM that marriage is not possible in this relation? I don't know how to convince my parents on this one. Kindly help me and I will be very thankfull to those who replies and helps me.

Thanks in advance to you all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sameerhappy786

Hi friends kindly help me in this problem.

My name is Sameer, I am muslim, I work in a Multinational company, I am succesfull in my life so far and earn around 25,000 per month.I am in love with a girl who is my relative, and i proposed her two years back and she accepted my proposal and from then we are in deep love with eachother and we can't imagine our lives without eachother. She is confident in convincing her parents about our love and same was the case with me until i got this problem. The problem is that she is the daughter of my sister in law and my sister in law is the daughter of my moms brother. It means my love will become my daughter in this relation, and her father and i doesnt have any blood relation infact he is not related to any of my family or relatives, but since her father related to me as brother she becomes my daughter. Before loving her i considered this problem and asked so many friends whether if marriage is possible in this relation and she also did ask many friends before accepting my proposal and all our friends said it is possible since her father is not my own brother and has no blood relation to any of my family or relatives. Now their parents are looking matches for her and she is confident that she can convince our parents and also saying that this problem will not come in the minds of their parents or their relaives and that they accepts me. And when i raised the topic of my girlfriend to my parents that i want to marry her, my parents doesn't have any issues with my girlfriend but they are asking me how did you love the girl who is like your daugther and how a marriage is possible in this relation? Please advise me if i could marry this girl with this relation or is it written anywhere in ISLAM that marriage is not possible in this relation?.I dont know how to convince my parents on this one. Kindly help me and i will be very thankfull to those who replies and helps me.

Thanks in advance to you all.

"Cousin marriage is explicitly allowed in Islam as seen in chapter 4 verse 23 of the Qur'an:

Prohibited to you (For marriage) are:- Your mothers, daughters, sisters; father's sisters, Mother's sisters; brother's daughters, sister's daughters; foster-mothers (Who gave you suck), foster-sisters; your wives' mothers; your step-daughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom ye have gone in,- no prohibition if ye have not gone in;- (Those who have been) wives of your sons proceeding from your loins; and two sisters in wedlock at one and the same time, except for what is past; for Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful;-
Qur'an 4:23

So everyone besides these relatives named can be married. Such marriages in Muslim majority countries are often preferred and even encouraged in some regions. This is in stark contrast with countries such as China and some Western nations where cousin-marriage is against the law and regarded as incest.
Even though there is some debate on this issue, scientists tend to agree it is genetically unhealthy. There are other problems with cousin marriages. According to the Hanafi school of legists, a man may give his daughter in marriage to his brother's son without her consent. This obviously goes against free will which results in unhappy marriages.

Muhammad himself married cousins, as he did with Zaynab bint Jahsh, who was not only the daughter of Umaimah bint Abd al-Muttalib, one of his father's sisters,[1] but was also divorced from a marriage with Muhammad's adopted son, Zayd ibn Haritha. It was this last issue that caused the most controversy, with traditional Arab norms at the time being opposed, though not the Qur'an (Sura Al-Ahzab 33:37)[2]. According to Ibn Sa'd, after Zaynab's marriage to his adopted son, Muhammad went to pay Zayd a visit, but instead found a hastily clad Zaynab. Though he did not enter the house, the sight of her pleased him. Tabari embroiders the story; according to him Zaynab was only wearing a single slip, and the wind pushed away a curtain when Muhammad entered, revealing her "uncovered." In any case, thereafter Zayd no longer found her attractive and thought of proposing divorce, but Muhammad told him to keep her. Eventually, however, Zayd did divorce her. Muhammad also allowed the marriage of his daughter, Fatimah, to his cousin, Ali ibn Abi Talib, who would later go on to become the fourth Rightly-guided Caliph of Islam. The second Caliph, Umar ibn al-Khattab, also married his cousin, Atikah bint Zayd ibn Amr ibn Nufayl."

http://wikiislam.net/wiki/Cousin_Marriage_in_Islam

I'm not seeing the family tree clearly. How can your sister in law be married to a man who is no blood relation to you, unless she was divorced or widowed and remarried? Can you explain the details more?

I would want to map out all other family marriages within the extended family, and talk to a geneticist, aside from the religious worries.

This girl is your cousin and as noted should be allowed. Have you properly went to her parents and discussed this, or had someone from your family go to her family ( which sort of is the same family)

Asking her behind their back, is the only real issue I see, so why not go and make it an arranged marriage properly,

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

I'm not seeing the family tree clearly. How can your sister in law be married to a man who is no blood relation to you, unless she was divorced or widowed and remarried? Can you explain the details more?

I would want to map out all other family marriages within the extended family, and talk to a geneticist, aside from the religious worries.

My mom is having elder brother , and his daughter is the mother of my girlfriend . She married to a guy who becomes now my brother in relation and he is the father of my girlfriend. So my girlfrnd becomes daughter of my brother(who is not my own brother).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

This girl is your cousin and as noted should be allowed. Have you properly went to her parents and discussed this, or had someone from your family go to her family ( which sorta is the same family)

Asking her behind their back, is the only real issue I see, so why not go and make it an arranged marriage properly,

Thanks for your reply. 1st thing is she is not my cousin she becomes my daughter in relation, and coming to her parents she is confident about convincing them and she is sure their parents will accept me. We wanted to make it like a arrange marriage itself, and my parents doesn't have any issue with the girl, but they are not accepting because she becomes my daughter in relation. This is only problem I have that's why I need your help. Here is how she is related to me.My mom is having elder brother , and his daughter is the mother of my girlfriend . She married to a guy who becomes now my brother in relation and he is the father of my girlfriend. So my girlfrnd becomes daughter of my brother(who is not my own brother).

Quote:

Originally Posted by sameerhappy786

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People should not be allowed to change their posts in order to conform with the advice which is posted.

That having been said - I posted Islam law. It's posted on another AMHD thread.

Doesn't it answer your question?

Thanks a lot, you have given a direct answer to my question, the Islamic facts in that message were really helpful. Thanks once again for your kind reply. You are just the best.

Just to clarify: your uncle (mother's brother) is the father of your cousin (the mother of your girlfriend). Her husband is your brother in law. She is not your sister in law.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

Just to clarify: your uncle (mother's brother) is the father of your cousin (the mother of your girlfriend). Her husband is your brother in law. She is not your sister in law.

Here is a small change in what we call a cousin(Mother of my girlfriend). In our family it is allowed to marry uncle's daughter, so she can be my wife or she is equal to what we call in hindi as Bhabhi. Since my girlfriend is the daughter of my Bhabhi she is related to me as a daughter. And my girlfriend's father becomes my brother.( These are the relations which we call in our family but sorry they are not quiet similar to the relations which you mentioned in the message) .But anyway keeping that aside can you answer my question by looking at the relations which I said now? If yes I would be thankfull to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sameerhappy786

Here is a small change in what we call a cousin(Mother of my girlfriend). In our family it is allowed to marry uncle's daughter, so she can be my wife or she is equal to what we call in hindi as Bhabhi. since my girlfriend is the daughter of my Bhabhi she is related to me as a daughter. and my girlfriend's father becomes my brother.( These are the relations which we call in our family but sorry they are not quiet similar to the relations which you mentioned in the message) .But anyway keeping that aside can you answer my question by looking at the relations which i said now? if yes i would be thankfull to you.

Sameer, I understand how intermarrying in families can cause complications. I think you need to look at the connections as those outside your family would. Language barriers along with cultural and traditional (family if not society) seem to have made the situation even more complicated.

The most of the translations I have found for 'bhabhi' all refer to 'brother's wife' (sister-in-law). One says that it means 'aunt' and in some cases is used generically to refer to an older woman (the slang term has a much different usage than the one being used here.) How does this make your girlfriend's father (husband of your cousin) your 'brother'? He either is through one of your parents marrying one of his parents or by becoming your brother-in-law by marrying your sister. Fostering could also make him a 'brother' if your parents are the ones who fostered him.

If she is your niece (daughter of one of your siblings), then she cannot marry you.

If she is the daughter of your uncle's child (your cousin), then she is your cousin and you can marry her.

I suggest making a chart of who is legally (by the laws of your country) related to whom and how. Make another one showing the cultural/family/traditional relationships. Put everyone in their proper places so that you can go to your spiritual adviser and him. I do not think you will be able to get an accurate answer on the Internet simply because the relationships are so complicated to explain.

May I ask how old you both are? I am wondering if your parent's are bringing up the term 'daughter' because of ages as well as family connections.