About two weeks ago my girlfriend and I split. She ended it with me because she needed "space" to figure out what she wanted and what made her happy. It seemed like neither of us wanted the split because she couldn't even tell me she did.

Needless to say, I have been pretty empty. She was such a huge part of my life over the past year+ and I made it very clear to her I would wait for her to come back around to me, something she agreed was an option for us still. I know she still loves me just as much as I love her.

Last night I made a terrible mistake. In my haste to feel SOMETHING, ANYTHING... I slept with this girl I know. It felt so empty and worthless. I was not even close to being in love with her and after it was done I just missed my ex so much more and just wanted this girl to leave. It was a huge mistake. I feel like I let my ex down and I feel as if I cheated on her even though we are split. I told her I would wait and I feel like I just ruined my chances of getting her back.

Im so lost.

When someone asks for a "break," that usually means a breakup and being pushed to the friend-zone.

Are you and your sort-of ex still talking or has there been a clean break so far?

We have talked twice since it happened. They were long text conversations about how she still cared so much about me and loved me and that she just "needed this right now". She said she was so upset that she let me down and my friends and family by breaking it off with me. It has not been clean at all.

Edit* I should also point out that this is only the second girl I have ever had sex with. My ex was my first.

Then the break needs to become clean. Do No Contact on your part. Your "ex" is playing fast and loose with your feelings and your heart -- NOT FAIR! Thus your guilt is created when you sleep with someone.

Set boundaries. Tell her she has two weeks (or a month or whatever) to get her act together. Be firm on the time. Meanwhile you will have nothing to do with her. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Mature couples involve each other in their personal ups and downs and help each other resolve problems. If she can't trust you enough to be there for her and if she has to manufacture a "break," do her a favor and have No Contact.

She removed me as her boyfriend on Facebook and talking to me is "too painful for her" because she "breaks down" whenever she hears from me or thinks about me. She is going through a state of serious depression and I don't want to put pressure on her by forcing an ultimatum.

She has no need to know that you had sex with someone else - ever. You didn't cheat. You promised to wait but you didn't promise to stay celibate. I know that sounds like manipulating words, but it really isn't - NOTHING you do during this supposed 'break' is any of her business. She should stop texting you and she should stop abusing your shredded heart. If she really cared about you, she would let you go, and if she changes her mind, then she can come back and see if you are still available. Not keep you sitting on a shelf.

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Originally Posted by abadmixture

She removed me as her boyfriend on facebook and talking to me is "too painful for her" because she "breaks down" whenever she hears from me or thinks about me. She is going through a state of serious depression and I don't want to put pressure on her by forcing an ultimatum.

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But she is putting pressure on you, right? And that's okay?

She is so totally being not fair to you. No Contact at all sounds like the only way for you to go. No ultimatum, no contact.

I want to talk to her today and ask her if she wants me to let go, or if she still sees a future for us. This girl means the absolute world to me and I need to know if I should move on or not.

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Originally Posted by abadmixture

I want to talk to her today and ask her if she wants me to let go, or if she still sees a future for us. This girl means the absolute world to me and I need to know if I should move on or not.

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Absolutely not! You do NOT talk to her in any way, shape, or form. If you do, you are only dragging out your agony and doing nothing for this relationship.

She has already told you by her actions that she wants you to move on without her (but is too "nice" to actually say so).

I just need to hear her say it to my face. She has not said it yet and I need to hear it otherwise I am afraid I will always cling to this relationship.

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Originally Posted by abadmixture

I just need to hear her say it to my face. She has not said it yet and I need to hear it otherwise I am afraid I will always cling to this relationship.

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She will NEVER say it to your face. If she did (she thinks), you might hate her or plead for her to rethink it or it will cause her to lose face somehow. The easy way out for her is this one, the way she is "letting you down easy." Then you supposedly won't think ill of her (we females don't want people to think badly of us) and will remain her "friend" at arm's length (even though it will cause you emotional upset and pain, but tough luck and too bad for you).

Well I went over and talked to her despite you telling me not to. I needed closure and I got it. I kind of forced her into telling me that she sees no future in us and that I need to move on, but at least I have closure. I can start to heal. I deleted her from my phone and changed my relationship status on Facebook and took her off my newsfeed. I am in the process of taking everything she has given me and burning it.

You are just killing yourself slowly by hanging onto hopes and dreams of this girl... it's over... it is. Let it go. Move on and save yourself.

Trust me, I have been where you are and I learned from it. Your best bet is to just not even talk to her anymore as each time you do, you want her more again. Forget it all and let it go.

Most people do not ask for a break or space unless they have pretty much decided that it's over already. These are usually people that want to keep you hanging on in case their other plans don't work out for them... the other people that do this are the ones that just can't bring themselves to tell you that it's over because they don't want to deal with the guilt they will feel for doing so.

It's over buddy... save yourself.


EDIT- I see we posted at the same time... Though it probably wasn't good that you went to see her, at least you got what you needed and maybe you can go from here and heal. Good luck to you.

I just don't know how I am going to go back to being happy. I feel so numb and empty.

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Originally Posted by abadmixture

I just don't know how I am going to go back to being happy. I feel so numb and empty.

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Find something constructive to fill up your time. Do some charity work. It will take your mind off your problems for a short time. We know it hurts, but you need to move on with your life.

Feeling numb and empty is a choice. Instead, feel liberated and excited for the future!

Honestly think that if you really did "love" her as much as you say, you would have never done that because that's just prove of bull. Yes it's a huge mistake and yeah probably she needed space but if you were "waiting" for her why would you suddenly sleep with another girl . I think she at least deserves the truth from you if in case she ever contacts you again because no matter what she won't possibly be able to forgive you if she still loved you. I doubt she'd ever get back with you. Sorry, but chances are that of you guys end up back together and if you tell her which would be the right thing to do she'll end up breaking up with you and she'd never talk to you, if she really loves you then you just become her heart and ruined your chances of being together as before.

I know. I just never understood how I managed to get a girl as beautiful and smart as her. I don't know if I ever will again. I feel like I wasted my one good chance

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Originally Posted by julia sanchez m

Honestly think that if you really did "love" her as much as you say, you would of never done that because that's just prove of bull. Yes its a huge mistake and yeah probably she needed space but if you were "waiting" for her why would you suddenly sleep with another girl . I think she at least deserves the truth from you if in case she ever contacts you again because no matter what she won't possibly be able to forgive you if she still loved you. I doubt she'd ever get back with you. Sorry, but chances are that of you guys end up back together and if you tell her which would be the right thing to do she'll end up breaking up with you and she'd never talk to you, if she really loves you then you just become her heart and ruined your chances of being together as before.

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I slept with another girl in a moment of weakness. I had spent the entire night crying over my ex and pouring my heart out to her, and she took advantage of my weakness. I didn't enjoy it, and regret it immensely. We were over a week into being broken up, so it wasn't like we were dating. I feel like I cheated, even though I didn't.

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Originally Posted by julia sanchez m

I think she at least deserves the truth from you if in case she ever contacts you again .

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No... No she doesn't deserve the "truth" at all... she doesn't deserve anything really. Don't confuse the guy. In all rights, they were broken up when this happened so what truth does she deserve? That he slept with someone else while they were broken up? No, she doesn't even need to know that and there is no reason for him to tell her.


To the OP... I guarantee this now... IF you tell her this, she will turn around and tell you that she was thinking of getting back with you but now, you have forced her hand and she will never do it. THAT will be her excuse for this. The breakup that she wanted will now be laid on your shoulders and she can walk away without any guilt of breaking up with you. Do not tell her. Don't even bother talking to her anymore.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

No...No she doesn't deserve the "truth" at all....she doesn't deserve anything really. Don't confuse the guy. In all rights, they were broken up when this happened so what truth does she deserve? That he slept with someone else while they were broken up? No, she doesn't even need to know that and there is no reason for him to tell her.


To the OP....I guarantee this now....IF you tell her this, she will turn around and tell you that she was thinking of getting back with you but now, you have forced her hand and she will never do it. THAT will be her excuse for this. The breakup that she wanted will now be laid on your shoulders and she can walk away without any guilt of breaking up with you. Do not tell her. Don't even bother talking to her anymore.

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True I agree with you there but I'm saying if he did love her why did he do that is like he didn't really did like her because he moved on too fast. And I was saying if she did love him and they got back she at least deserves yo know what happened, don't you think.