My son is getting married soon. My daughter in law to be says that no one except the people involved in the rehearsal should come to the rehearsal dinner. All the rehearsal dinners I have ever been to, the spouses are invited to join the dinner. (Such as the minister's wife, etc.) What is proper as far as "who is invited" to the rehearsal dinner? I feel rude not to invite spouses.

It is a common courtesy to invite the minister and the minister's wife (or husband). After all, the minister IS involved in the rehearsal. Also, the parents of the bride and groom are invited. The groom is paying for the rehearsal dinner, so I would vote in favor of your opinion.

Technically, this is the only time that the groom's parents are supposed to be involved in planning because they are the ones that pay for the dinner. Your daughter in law is not supposed to dictate who gets invited. That being said, I have seen it done both ways. I would gently tell her that you have always seen it done the way you want to do it. The minister's wife, by the way, is always invited. It is the polite way of thanking her for giving up her husband's time to the bride and groom. The same goes for others in the wedding party. If they have spouses, who are not involved in the ceremony, it is a way of thanking the spouse for giving up their partners time. The only ones that don't usually get invited are boyfriend/girlfriend of other party members.

Hope this helps and I am sure others will weigh in on this.

Lucky you. We planned the rehearsal dinner for our son's wedding as the wedding party including a spouse or significant other, parents, grandparents, minister/spouse, organist... 38 people total to a sitdown steak dinner... and were told by the future bride and her parents, with our son's approval... that she deserved more. She sent a list of 10 of her friends and 17 of her parent's friends that were to be invited. When we tried to compromise, her mother told me that if I did not send invitations to those people, she was and her husband would pay.

It went downhill from there. At this point, we have been uninvited to the wedding, by the bride's mother. My son told us to ignore that. We are in a quandry.

Dear frustrated mom,
Our dinner was planned for 45-50. This included: bride,groom, both their parents and siblings, 14 wedding party members and their dates. Flower girl, ring bearer and both of their sets of parents, and musicians and their dates. It was a sit down formal dinner, the same as yours. We went through our own share of frustrations, but I want to tell you that as bad as circumstances seem... all past issues have been resolved and we are at peace now with each other. It is my wish for you that, as hard as you have tried, your daughter and law and son will eventually see your intentions were to give them a very special night and that they have behaved inexcusably, and YOU will find it in your heart to look past their inability to show you the gratitude that you deserved and "forgive them".
The real weighing issue at hand is your future relationship with them. Everyone has to put on their BIG girl and boy pants and forgive and forget... or the grandchildren you could have in the future will never have a chance to know how WONDERFUL you really ARE!