Im a 22 year old woman and have been living out for the past 4 years for university. I have recently returned home as I've nearly finished my degree and my accommodation contract ran out. I have always wanted to live out even after uni and learn to be independent with a job, to have my own life. I want to move back to the old location of my uni as I loved it there but my dad won't let me, he goes " uve finished uni, ur not allowed to live out we're not white people, u have to stay at home" my dad is so controlling and knows how to make me feel guilty because I'm financially dependent on him. I told him I wanted to find a job there and start a little happy life for me for a couple of years then travel. He hit the roof and I'm so scared of him which makes me feel like I should just sit at home and suffer. If I manage to get a job there, do I just up and leave? How do I go about this? Why is he so controlling Abd makes me feel ****? Why am I so scared? Any advice would be appreciated, please help . Should I keep applying to jobs in the different location? How do I save money atm?

So leave... you are an adult.

If he chains you up to stop you, then call the cops.

This all depends on what you want.

If you don't care about a relationship with your father then move out, do what you want, and cut all ties with him. It sounds like that's what he'll do if you defy him.

Or you stay home, wait for him to find you a husband, don't use the degree you worked to get, just get married and move from one controlling household into possibly another.

Why did your father agree to college if he didn't want you working and being self sufficient?

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Originally Posted by smoothy

So leave....you are an adult.

If he chains you up to stop you, then call the cops.

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But I have no money, should I get a job here and save.. Or keep applying to jobs in the other location? My mum only supports me if I have a job in the other location not just me up and leaving without a reason.

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Originally Posted by Alty

This all depends on what you want.

If you don't care about a relationship with your father then move out, do what you want, and cut all ties with him. It sounds like that's what he'll do if you defy him.

Or you stay home, wait for him to find you a husband, don't use the degree you worked to get, just get married and move from one controlling household into possibly another.

Why did your father agree to college if he didn't want you working and being self sufficient?

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True, all valid points. The problem is I'm having a hard time gaining courage, I feel so scared of him and the major problem is I have no money :s... It feels like indeed a plan but don't know how to for about it? Do I get a job here in this city then transfer to the city I want later? Do I just apply fit a job in the city I want? I'm giving myself only till the end of the year to sort something out, is this realistic? I'd really appreciate your advice mate

If you have no job then you really don't have a choice.

Don't expect mommy and daddy to support you if you choose to be an adult and move out. That's up to you.

So apply for jobs, and when you get one save up, or move then.

Until then, you live under your fathers roof, he supports you, and therefore he makes the rules.

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Originally Posted by Alty

If you have no job then you really don't have a choice.

Don't expect mommy and daddy to support you if you choose to be an adult and move out. That's up to you.

So apply for jobs, and when you get one save up, or move then.

Until then, you live under your fathers roof, he supports you, and therefore he makes the rules.

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Yeah you guess your right. Thank u

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Alty

If you have no job then you really don't have a choice.

Don't expect mommy and daddy to support you if you choose to be an adult and move out. That's up to you.

So apply for jobs, and when you get one save up, or move then.

Until then, you live under your fathers roof, he supports you, and therefore he makes the rules.

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Yes.. you may be an adult... but you are responsible to pay for your own things if you want to be independent.

Get a job and save... when you have enough then move. But don't expect them to help you do it. You have to decide what's most important to you.

The actual situation is they don't WANT you to move out... not that they won't let you. They don't have to happy about it, and they don't have to pay for it or help you do it, but they can't legally restrain you from doing it on your own.

Being an adult isn't always easy, is it?

To truly be an adult you have to be able to support yourself without any help from anyone. If you want to move away from your parents home, you have to show them that you are capable.

Besides, it sounds like your father will not have anything more to do with you if you move out, so you can expect that he will not help you out if you get into trouble financially. So you really want to make sure you have all your ducks in a row before you bring out the big guns.

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Originally Posted by Simbb

Yeah u guess ur right. Thank u

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It's really hard to take you seriously as a responsible adult when you are using text speak.

Who paid for your education? I think Smoothy got it right the first time. You're an adult. Leave. Get a job in a fast food restaurant. Do whatever it takes.

I don't know what this means - " ur not allowed to live out we're not white people." I trust it isn't meant as a racial slur, insinuating that there are different rules or expectations for different races.

I hate to be blunt but just find some guts and do what you want to do. You will never get ahead if you waffle around this.