On a regular basis now I consider throwing myself in front of a train at the subway or on freight tracks. Either that or I considers parking my car with the headlights off in the middle of the highway. I want to get out of this world I have had it here, there's just nothing left and every day is tortue. How long someone expect to put up and live like this?

I'm not going to play into this suicide thing in any way other than to ask why you would need to involve someone else in your attempt? Park you car on a highway without the lights on? That's nice. Kill someone else who plows into you just so you can die.

I don't usually get involved in these suicide questions on here but when I read that, I needed to comment... that's even more selfish than just killing yourself.

And you kill someone else, but end up bedbound for the rest of your life?

You don't have to 'play' into anything if you don't want to, nobody forcing you. And I don't see suicide as 'selfish' it's just craps people say to make a person feels guilty, doesn't work anymore. Well past that point. And also no guarantees someone else is going to die. I never heard of train conductor dying when hitting someone with their train.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

And you kill someone else, but end up bedbound for the rest of your life?

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Hi wondergirls

Like I said to that other lady/man no guarantees that's going to happen to someone else. Anyway not sure I care anymore about other people anymore. At my wit end with life as it is.

Oh, for Pete's sake! You have the best of this world!

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Originally Posted by redlipsticklena

you don't have to 'play' into anything if you don't want to, nobody forcing you. and i don't see suicide as 'selfish' it's just craps people say to make a person feels guilty, doesn't work anymore. well past that point. and also no guarantees someone else is going to die. i never heard of train conductor dying when hitting someone with their train.

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Hey, if that's what you want to believe... but yeah, you park on a highway and someone else hits you at highway speed, they're likely to die. So why do you need to involve someone else? You can't find a way that only harms you?

Really, no need to answer me as I'm unsubscribing to this post and won't see your answer.

The biggest fear that train engineers have is that someone will drive his or her car on the tracks or will lie on the tracks to commit suicide. An engineer told me there is no way he can stop the train in time, and will have horrible nightmares for the rest of his life. Pieces of your car will fly all over the place and hit waiting cars and any pedestrians. Your car will be dragged down the track and shut down any train traffic for hours. People will be finding pieces of your body for weeks.

I'd hate to think that you would kill anyone, much less a family with kids, when they hit your car if you park on the road with lights out.

You have an almost perfect life. You do know that, don't you.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

Hey, if that's what you want to believe....but yeah, you park on a highway and someone else hits you at highway speed, they're likely to die. So why do you need to involve someone else? You can't find a way that only harms you?

Really, no need to answer me as I'm unsubscribing to this post and won't see your answer.

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Good I'm glad, that was dumb to respond and then 'hide' yourself so you can't see any answers. Good bye though.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

The biggest fear that train engineers have is that someone will drive his or her car on the tracks or will lie on the tracks to commit suicide. An engineer told me there is no way he can stop the train in time, and will have horrible nightmares for the rest of his life. Pieces of your car will fly all over the place and hit waiting cars and any pedestrians. Your car will be dragged down the track and shut down any train traffic for hours. People will be finding pieces of your body for weeks.

I'd hate to think that you would kill anyone, much less a family with kids, when they hit your car if you park on the road with lights out.

You have an almost perfect life. You do know that, don't you.

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Like I said past the point of caring about other people. I am mostly sick of them anyway. They never change and mostly all are the same or end up same... who cares if someone find pieces of body months later? I will be dead already. Lmao@ having a perfect or almost perfect life. Sorry wondergirls to say something like that is ridiculous. I have no home of my own, no jobs, and no money half the time. I lives alone with not one friend or anyone. Depression, suicide thought every single day, I been eating tuna fish for a week straight but I have a PERECT life right? Please don't tell me about the starving homeless. That is a shame and all but has nothing to do with me.

Anyway pretty obvious to me I don't have any real reason to stay in this world

There is help for you -- disability money, counseling, food stamps, your own apartment, and more.

Your counselor can connect you with all sorts of services.

Do you walk to Shoprite, or does someone (your brother?) drive you?

I thought you said you like to cook and bake.

I do lieks to cook and bake. I have a car and I drive but I am not good at driving at alli I can only go certain distances. I am on food stamp or else I would starve to death. I have no way to budgets it correct and always run out end of month and have to eat tuna sandwiches. Sigh.

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Originally Posted by redlipsticklena

you don't have to 'play' into anything if you don't want to, nobody forcing you. and i don't see suicide as 'selfish' it's just craps people say to make a person feels guilty, doesn't work anymore. well past that point. and also no guarantees someone else is going to die. i never heard of train conductor dying when hitting someone with their train.

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Read what you posted: "parking my car with the headlights off in the middle of the highway"

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Originally Posted by redlipsticklena

like i said past the point of caring about other people. i am mostly sick of them anyways. they never change and mostly all are the same or end up same.... who cares if someone find pieces of body months later? i will be dead already. lmao@ having a perfect or almost perfect life. sorry wondergirls to say something like that is ridiculous. i have no home of my own, no jobs, and no money half the time. i lives alone with not one friend or anyone. depression, suicide thought every single day, i been eating tuna fish for a week straight but i have a PERECT life right? please don't tell me about the starving homeless. that is a shame and all but has nothign to do with me.

anyways pretty obvious to me i don't have any real reason to stay in this world

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If you didn't care you wouldn't be on AMHD on a regular basis with your suicide threats.

I well understand why you have no friends.

I don't even understand why your threads are still here - the girl who threatened suicide yesterday had all her threads pulled.

You are eating tuna fish on a daily basis but own a car, pay insurance, repairs, maintenace - and you only drive the car "short distances?" Where is the NJ DMV when you need it?

I realize that last month you were losing your apartment and had no money for utilities - are you using a library computer? Where are you living?

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Originally Posted by redlipsticklena

i do lieks to cook and bake. i have a car and i drive but i am not good at driving at alli i can only go certain distances. i am on food stamp or else i would starve to death. i have no way to budgets it correct and always run out end of month and have to eat tuna sandwiches. sigh.

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There are people in your area who will help you with budgeting. Ask your counselor about this.

What about disability payments? What are you living on otherwise besides food stamps? -- e.g. how do you pay for gas for your car, clothes, utility bills?

You live in a house (not an apartment), right?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

There are people in your area who will help you with budgeting. Ask your counselor about this.

What about disability payments? What are you living on otherwise besides food stamps? -- e.g., how do you pay for gas for your car, clothes, utility bills?

You live in a house (not an apartment), right?

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I have a problem asking peoples for help. I do not like to be a burden. Everyone is so busy :(

Nobody really have time for me here. That is why I hate it and want to leave this world every single day. I just gets in the way anymore.

I get deny for the disability I want to work at a job like everyone else does. I get money from my aunt who live in another states. She send me $300 a month to uses for myself. I live in a hosue that's not mine. I wish to have my own house but I could never figure out how to get one or a good job like other people.

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Originally Posted by redlipsticklena

i have a problem asking peoples for help. i do not like to be a burden. everyone is so busy

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There are people who do exactly that -- help other people connect with services. If you don't seek help, you are not being fair to yourself or to the people who can help.

Okay who do I ask and how do I say it? I am very embarrassed. Other adult can do for themselves and I can't. It's pathetic at my age.

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Originally Posted by redlipsticklena

okay who do i ask and how do i say it? i am very embarassed. other adult can do for themselves and i can't. it's pathetic at my age.

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You ask your counselor to connect you with someone who can help. She will know who.

When do you meet with her again?