Ask Me Help Desk - My girlfriend won't have intercourse

.I have been in a relationship with my 55 yr old girlfriend for 9 months and she is not ready for intercourse. She must be in a loving committed relationship in order to feel right doing the act.

I maintain it it a natural part of a relationship, allowing us to grow. Were at an impasse.

We do all the other sex things and it is good. We have much in common but I am not fulfilled.She tells me were growing in spite of us not doing it, and I am frustrated by the off limits.

I've told her we need to have (another) serious talk in 30 days, but I don't want to force the issue. Help!

You need to have another serious talk but don't want to force the issue? Then you will have a cup of water without the glass? If you're going to have a serious talk about this than the implications are that you're going to force the issue.

Calm down. Honestly. You're going to force her to do something that she isn't comfortable with at this point. That will further sabotage the relationship. You already look like all you're looking for is sex. By your own admission you're doing all the other sex things, which I can only assume mean, handjobs, blowjobs, eating out, et al. so be happy with that until you both feel like you're in a committed relationship.

There are, and it is in the era when your little woman was just getting into the world of relationships, a lot of women who won't give it up until they're married. Don't push it, after all it isn't all about the sex is it? It will come soon enough.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dmormile

.ive told her we need to have (another) serious talk in 30 days, but i dont want to force the issue. help!

You are not doing her a favor - if you need intercourse, she doesn't intend to "provide" intercourse, then call it off now.

I would not want to be badgered on a regular basis.

Well thanks for the reply, I guess. I wouldn't hang around for 9 months just for the sex.we have a great thing going.. with this exception. Incidentally this " exception" is , in my opinion, weird. What you are missing is the fact that she sees it as OK to do the things you described but won't "surcome" to intercourse?
How is it someone can do those things without love but intercourse is off limits? I don't get it. You seem intelligent.. how do you explain it?. thx

Quote:

Originally Posted by dmormile

well thanks for the reply, i guess. i wouldnt hang around for 9 mos just for the sex.we have a great thing going..with this exception. Incidently this " exception" is , in my opinion, weird. What you are missing is the fact that she sees it as ok to do the things you described but wont "surcome" to intercourse?!
how is it someone can do those things without love but intercourse is off limits? i dont get it. you seem intelligent..how do u explain it?..thx

I don't and can't explain it - I don't even know what "surcome" means.

The only way to know is to ask her. Perhaps it's the high school, "Nothing else is real sex." Perhaps it's physical discomfort. I don't know.

Ask her!

The same rules apply if she's 15 as do at 55.

Its her body... its her rules... its her schedule.

Grab a Playboy and some tissues if you have to.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

The same rules apply if shes 15 as do at 55.

Its her body....its her rules....its her schedule.

Grab a Playboy and some tissues if you have to.

Right, and she owns the equipment.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dmormile

... Incidently this " exception" is , in my opinion, weird. What you are missing is the fact that she sees it as ok to do the things you described but wont "surcome" to intercourse?!
how is it someone can do those things without love but intercourse is off limits? i dont get it. you seem intelligent..how do u explain it?..thx

This exception is perfectly normal in my never humble opinion. Your world view and her world view don't match. It is as simple as that. While you believe that sex should be shared early in the relationship, she believes that sex is something that should wait until you're committed. There could be a number of reasons for this but the important thing about beliefs is that the reasons don't mean anything. She believes what she wants to because she wants to. There is nothing more you can really say about it.

The unfortunate thing is that this belief is preventing you from getting your willy wet. So to speak.

The answer to your question is that there are VAST implications of putting your pee-pee in her hoo-hoo. Pregnancy, STI's, and the mess. With hands, mouths, toys, and the like there isn't a significant chance that her physical health will be harmed. The worst that will happen is that she doesn't get off. I know there is a lot that can go wrong, but the chances are minimal.

It can also be a intimacy/self-confidence problem. IE, what if she is too 'loose', too 'tight', too 'dry', too 'wet', too hairy, not hairy enough, too smelly, too inexperienced, or too experienced. What if something goes wrong? It could be that she has some unresolved issues from past relationships.

Could be she wants to make sure you're going to stick around. Wait for the relationship to reach a critical mass so that she knows that she won't be left again. She might be afraid that you'll cut and run after you find out how horrible she is in bed. These are insecurities.

All of this is conjecture. The bottom line is that you need to stop pestering her for intercourse. Be happy with what you have. I have been in long term committed relationships where sex had dwindled to less than what you're getting. Accept that it will happen. Stop trying to change her beliefs about this. Accept that her world view is different than yours and your understanding isn't required but your acceptance of it is.

You should drop your serious talk unless it is to figure out why beyond committed relationship.

Also, was she married before? If so, was she with him for 20someoddyears, where she is only used to him? Is she afraid that you will leave her if/ and when you seal the deal? Who knows.

Bottom line is that she is not ready. Let me tell you something, you think waiting 9 months is long? Well then, you wouldn't have wanted to date me... I made my exhusband wait TWO years before we had sex!

It's her body.