Hello

I am in my 50's and met a guy the same age as me on a dating site. For 2 nearly 3 weeks we were in contact with each other and he opened up about how after 28 yrs of marriage he is in the proceeds of divorcing his wife and happy about it.
However finds it strange being on his own but getting there as does plenty of sport etc. I have not been out with a guy for 6yrs since my husband had an affair and I am also divorced. I had my first date with him 2 days ago and it went great. He has even bought ticketds for the theatre to go on 15th September.
He did say that he is unsure of what he really wants at the moment as jut got his freedom but definitely dosen't want his wife, but cannot get to grips about her 6 year affair behind his back

We didn't kiss or cuddle and he never held my hand but he did stare into my eyes all the time when we talked. We got on well the whole night and when we parted he said let's continue talking on the site. He has my phone number and has also been constantly texting me too on there. Since the date he never rang to see if I got home OK and I have not heard anything from him?

He is quite shy deep down and said to me that if I had never contacted him on the dating site he probably wouldn't have had the courage to contact me?

What do I do ring him or just wait?

I do like him but frightened that I may not get the answer I want.

He did say that 6 weeks ago he went out with someone else off the dating site but there were no sparks so he just didn't bother getting in touch with her.
I am thinking is he doing the same to me? Or is he needing time to get his head round everything?
Or does he think that I am not interested in him??

Avadot

Sounds like he has a lot going on in his life. Both of you are in the midst of divorces. Maybe he wasn't ready to start dating again.

"...when we parted he said let's continue talking on the site. He has my phone number and has also been constantly texting me too on there."

Is he texting you since the date? I can't tell from your wording.

If you have heard absolutely nothing, I would contact him on the dating site as he suggested, telling him you had a good time and would like to see him again, but if he doesn't feel sparks, you could use a friend to commiserate with. You do share the pain of being cheated on in marriage.

No he was texting me right up to the date but not after. But when we parted he said to keep on the dating site.

I have never sent him a message as waiting for him to contact me but now thinking because I've not been in touch with him don't want to see him again?

Can you help and advise ?

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Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

Sounds like he has a lot going on in his life. Both of you are in the midst of divorces. Maybe he wasn't ready to start dating again.

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No he is over it all and said he feels he is getting used to his freedom but still lonely and would like a partner.

Yes he has got his house to sell but that is not a major problem. My divorce is going through after 6 yrs of separation due to his affair and he will have to pay as petitioning me. I am not bothered about all of this.

He said at the end of the night he had enjoyed himself and made the signs with his hands to get back on the dating site and type to each other again. But not had any messages there?

Maybe he is waiting for me to get in touch first?

What do I do?

In follow up to my last question to you.

The guy I had a first date with has not contacted me since the date 2 days ago?

Do you think he is waiting for my contact first as may think that I am not keen on hime as never text to say 'Thankyou for a nice Evening', but then he didn't contact me to say did I get home OK?

Are we both waiting for the other one to get in touch first or is he just not interested or got a spark with me?

Not sure though as he said he had a fab night with me?

What do you think I should do?
Just leave it and see if he gets in touch in a week or send him a message on the dating site or ring him?


Thank you
Avadot

It's only been two days. Just chill. You are putting too much focus on him. Do other stuff.. date other people. If he calls, he calls... if he doesn't, then he doesn't.

It isn't customary for someone to call to make sure you made it home, when you have only just met. They are not emotionally invested yet.

The fact is, you don't know where he is at for sure. And he doesn't know you well enough to owe you an explanation one way or the other.

Maybe he isn't interested, maybe he is busy, maybe he doesn't want to seem over eager. Either way, call him if you are interested in a date. Nothing wrong with you calling him. If he blows you off, don't call back. Let it go.

Welcome to the modern world of dating where we make our own rules. The key is to have fun and not get carried away by it and get obsessed with any strangers, and best to have many other dates with others. Strangers on line have that option, and use it. Why not?

The only constant is to have fun getting to know people, the more the better. Expecting a guy (or girl) to be as smitten and serious as you are after a few dates is very unrealistic, and will just make you insecure and confused.

I know you have been married while the world has changed and at 50 the old ideas of dating have you a bit behind in today's world of hi tech, and MANY options, so don't be confused by this experience, and never assume what a stranger thinks or his motives.

Be flexible, open minded, and very cautious. I mean why would a guy want to settle down and date one female when he has a world of them to choose from? Invite him out. That's perfectly fine, but don't expect a guy who still has the ink wet (and not yet FINAL) to be looking for anything but a good time with no promises or commitments.

I highly advise you to date others for fun and distraction and keep this guy in the proper perspective, and NOT trip over a few great dates.

Make sure you know these guys before you give them your heart, no matter how great the first impressions are because they, like you,put their best foots forward and their true natures have yet to be revealed.

A few dates is nothing. A year... then you should have an idea. MAYBE!! Now find a date with another on line opportunity. Enjoy. Why get stuck on one so soon? All that overthinking will drive you NUTS!

I still think you should contact him, so I'll say it again:
Contact him on the dating site, telling him you had a good time and would like to see him again, but tell him if he doesn't feel sparks, you could use a friend to commiserate with.

Who knows where friendship could lead? Sparks don't always happen at first sight.

Well I have in the back of my mind that he took a woman out 6wks ago and he didn't even bother getting back in touch with her to tell her there was no chemistry??

So is he doing the same to me and will I end up beith the one upset If I contact him and he says there is no spark and why meet again?

He is quite a shy guy and I think he is still up in the air about what he is looking for after just divorcing his wife last xmas after 28yrs. Do you think if I were to leave it he will wonder about me and eventually get in touch? He has also bought tickets for a night out on 15th September so what do I do about that. The longer the time passes the harder it is to get in touch?

I am so very confused as I really do like him?

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Originally Posted by joypulv

I still think you should contact him, so I'll say it again:
Contact him on the dating site, telling him you had a good time and would like to see him again, but tell him if he doesn't feel sparks, you could use a friend to commiserate with.

Who knows where friendship could lead? Sparks don't always happen at first sight.

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Wary as before the date he was constantly phoning me and texting me and every night wanted to talk to me on the dating site. It just seems very very strange that after the date it has all suddenly stopped? Do you think he is thinking I am not interested as I was the one to always start the online conversation off each night?

Surely if he is keen and a man of the world he will eventually contact me within the week as surely he is wondering what is happening as bought tickets for us both for a night at the Theatre on 15th Sep?

You seem determined that he should be the one to contact you. That's fine.

It's just that it's quite possible that he doesn't know how to tell you that he had a good time, just as you are having a hard time. It's also possible that he is on another date. It's possible that he is thinking and takes lots of time to think. It's just that contacting him is not an insult and it's not pushy if you word it as just a straightforward 'I had a good time.' What if you went on a first date and your date did that, even if you weren't feeling sparks? Would you be offended or uncomfortable? No, you would say 'I had a good time too but don't think it will work out.'
The other thing is that you will never know if you don't try to find out.

It's been two days. Wait a couple of days and if he doesn't call, don't hesitate. Grab your phone or your computer and contact him. If he doesn't answer, move on. Don't think about it

You really have got nothing to lose.

Maybe he is going about his business until the next date on the 15th, so be cool, and go about your own. OR overcome your own fears and contact him on the sight, and see what happens.

But don't just sit in fear wondering and assuming and presuming what's on his mind. That's crazy, send him the text and see if a conversation can start and how it goes. Take a risk, and stop expecting him to chase you like a goofy kid in high school.

Good Morning and thank you for your reply.

I know you are telling me not to carry-on like a goofy kid in school but I am wary of taking the risk?

I have not had a relationship for 6 yrs and not been out with any bloke in that time. My ex-husband mentally tortured me and I lost a £200.000 bungalow in the process and had to go Bankrupt.

I really do like this guy he is 53 and we had a great first date. He did make a gesture when we parted to get back on line and send messages to each other but then I am not sure if that was his nice way at the end of the date when he really had no intentions of getting back to me?

Remember I said that he had a date 6 weeks ago but never got back in touch with her. I feel as if he has done the same to me and that is why wary of contacting him?

Surely if he was keen he would have got in touch with me?

He knows I am a flight attendant and on standby all this week and could be away, but still not got in touch?

Before our first date he was never off the phone and contacting me all the time for 3 weeks. My phone has never rang since the date?

I feel I want to get in touch with him but frightened of the answer I get back i.e.. Sorry Jean there was no Chemistry there??
But it didn't seem that way on the night?

Really don't know what I should do but I know what you are saying about sitting in fear and wondering?

He might not even be thinking about me and glad I haven't been in touch which makes it easier for him?

What can you advise me to do please? Your advice is good in theory.

I think with him being married for 28yrs and having to change his lifestyle he got a bit on edge at the end of the night saying he was all mixed up and didn't know what he wanted. He is not a kid but an ex-Police Officer with two grown children and he is a 53yr old man, and told me he was over his ex-wife too?

He was very keen before but I feel from the onset it was me who started all the conversations on the internet.
He did say to me that if his friend hadn't put him on the site he wouldn't have probably spone to me as it was me he said was easy to talk to. (However on saying that he was in touch with another woman for 2wks before who he took out but dumped) so he can't be that shy?

Avadot

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Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

Sounds like he has a lot going on in his life. Both of you are in the midst of divorces. Maybe he wasn't ready to start dating again.

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No I think he is ready to start again as he has already been out with one woman off the internet and never got back to her either way, which I think is not nice at all!

I have been separated for 6 yrs and over my husband jut divorcing now as over 5 yrs passed he has to pay as originally wanted me to pay for the divorce even though he committed adultery.

This guy has never stopped phoning me sending me texts for 3weeks before the date however it was always me who started the first text of the day he has once?

I am in the back of my mind wondering if he thinks I am not into him and felt the date was flat on his side as he did talk about his situation a lot.

Could he be wary to contact me in case I didn't like him and he dosen't want to hear that answer, (which I wouldn't say anyway as I really do like hime).

At the end of the day thought it is now 3 days since our first date and no contact whatsoever even on the dating site - and he has tickets for 15th Spetember to see a band at a Theatre.

He did joke before we met and said if there was no spark him or I could sell the tickets?

Surely when a man is interested if the woman hasn't been in touch for 3 days he would get in touch himself shy or not?

Avadot

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Originally Posted by LoveStruck31

It's been two days. Wait a couple of days and if he doesn't call, don't hesitate. Grab your phone or your computer and contact him. If he doesn't answer, move on. Don't think about it

You really have got nothing to lose.

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That is what I am worried about him not contacting me as we had a great night and he did make a gesture with his hands as we parted to get back on the website to send messages to each other again.

Why is there just no contact from him after 3weeks of constant calls and texts and chatting on line?

He seen my pictures we spoke a lot on the phone and he was really very keen, telling me that my live was going to change and for me to be positive?

Its called cooling it! Lets be clear so I don't assume. He chased you for 3 weeks you had a date or two and you want him to chase you some more? Have I got that right?

And you do realize you are repeating yourself?

Nonetheless you either get in touch, or forget this guy. Make a decision, do something besides worry, fret, or speculate. Say HI! Is that so hard?

Your replies are really quite rude I feel?

Are you a man or a woman?

I probably am repeating myself I know but did that question rushing to get to B/ham for a flight as I am a flight attendant.

No he hasn't ran after me for 3wks I have been chatting to him on the internet and I started it off. He said he liked talkng to me and I brought the best out in him.

We hit it off really well and we both met last Sunday night was good and just unsure of whether he was keen as normally a bloke would have contacted you within 3 days to arrange another date or whatever?

He hasn't and all I asked was should I wait until the weekend to contact him oir just leave it and wait and see if he contacts me if he actually does.

I am lost off with dating at the moment as not been oput with anyone for 6yrs. He is going through a divorce and happy about it. We did get on well and he did gesture to get back again talking on line but he hasn't sent any messages to me there either. Do you think he is wondering if I have gone off him as just before we met he text me to say "I hope you are not disappointed"?

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Your replies are really quite rude I feel?

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There was nothing rude about Tals post.

This however;

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...an-697943.html

Is very rude.

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Why has he not contacted me?

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Ask HIM.

I used my nicest typing so as not to be rude, but only pointed out your repeating yourself so you could see you are so carried away by your own fears and insecurity you are spinning your wheels probably from inexperience, or a preconcieved notion that you won't let go of.

Don't be annoyed or offended, please, just give it some thought.

Why won't you just call and ask him? What are you afraid of?