I've been married for 8 months now. Recently we have been going out separately to give each other time with old friends. Last week I went to a bar with some friends and an ex boyfriend showed up. We saw each other and started talking, catching up. Some of my husband' s friends were at the same bar. When I got home I told my husband that I ran into my ex and we talked because that's all that happened. His friend weeks later came up with this crazy story about my ex and told my husband. He called me asking what really happened that night and as much as I assured him nothing did he was ready to call it quits. After texting my ex boyfriend for him to tell my husband that nothing happen was when he finally believed me. Do I have the right to feel hurt? Shouldn't he have believed me in the first place?

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Originally Posted by Cindyhp26

I've been married for 8 months now. Recently we have been going out seperately to give each other time with old friends. Last week I went to a bar with some friends and an ex boyfriend showed up. We saw each other and started talking, catching up. Some of my husband' s friends were at the same bar. When I got home I told my husband that I ran into my ex and we talked because that's all that happened. His friend weeks later came up with this crazy story about my ex and told my husband. He called me asking what really happened that night and as much as I assured him nothing did he was ready to call it quits. After texting my ex bf for him to tell my husband that nothing happen was when he finally believed me. Do I have the right to feel hurt? Shouldn't he have believed me in the first place?

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Yes, I would be hurt - and angry - if my husband believed a "friend" over me. What is the friend's issue in this?

Would I have texted the "ex" and asked him to explain to my husband that nothing actually happened? No. I wouldn't want anyone to know that my husband didn't trust me.

Yes, he should have believed you - why do you think he didn't?

Texting my ex was I felt my last resort. But when I did it made me feel even worst because it took another person to tell my husband that nothing happened for him to believe me. We are currently uncomfortably living in his mothers basement and it's bad enough I feel out of place there and to have the one person I am to run to turns his back on me and pass judgement on events that never hurts. He knows that I have never done anything for him to doubt my fidelity to him. Im just lost and I feel in a way betrayed.

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Originally Posted by Cindyhp26

Texting my ex was I felt my last resort. But when I did it made me feel even worst because it took another person to tell my husband that nothing happened for him to believe me. We are currently uncomfortably living in his mothers basement and it's bad enough I feel out of place there and to have the one person I am to run to turns his back on me and pass judgement on events that never hurts. He knows that I have never done anything for him to doubt my fidelity to him. Im just lost and I feel in a way betrayed.

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I would feel very much betrayed. Why are you living in his mother's basement? That alone would put me over the edge.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I would feel very much betrayed. Why are you living in his mother's basement? That alone would put me over the edge.

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We sold our condo to get an apartment and the apartment isn't going to be ready until sept. so until then the basement seemed like our only option. Idk if I'm doing right by telling my husband to not even talk to his friend anymore or am I over reacting? I am overwhelmed with emotions.

You can't tell your husband who he can and cannot talk to, that would not be right, but I would tell him that his friend owes you and apology for lying and your husband owes you an apology. Did he apologize?

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Originally Posted by Cindyhp26

We sold our condo to get an apartment and the apartment isnt going to be ready untill sept. so untill then the basement seemed like our only option. Idk if im doing right by telling my husband to not even talk to his friend anymore or am I over reacting? I am overwhelmed with emotions.

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If you can't count on your husband to always have your back, who can you count on? I'd be overwhelmed.

I don't think it's your position to tell him what he can and what he cannot do. I would HOPE he would decide to dump the friend.

My experience - I'm an investigator. When I work a surveillance and I work with a partner we enter the establishment separately (in theory, we don't know each other), sit at opposite ends of a bar (for example), eventually he sends a drink over, we talk, he comes over - and we continue working the surveillance. Same if it's a bar surveillance, a matrimonial, workers comp, whatever it is. My husband got a call from a "friend" of his stating that a "guy with a mustache" had picked me up in a bar and we were "hanging on each other" but left separately.

My husband had no idea what was going on but he read the friend the riot act.

Then I got home and that was what had happened.

Neither one of us had contact with the "friend" ever again.

My husband had my back.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

If you can't count on your husband to always have your back, who can you count on? I'd be overwhelmed.

I don't think it's your position to tell him what he can and what he cannot do. I would HOPE he would decide to dump the friend.

My experience - I'm an investigator. When I work a surveillance and I work with a partner we enter the establishment separately (in theory, we don't know each other), sit at opposite ends of a bar (for example), eventually he sends a drink over, we talk, he comes over - and we continue working the surveillance. Same if it's a bar surveillance, a matrimonial, workers comp, whatever it is. My husband got a call from a "friend" of his stating that a "guy with a mustache" had picked me up in a bar and we were "hanging on each other" but left separately.

My husband had no idea what was going on but he read the friend the riot act.

Then I got home and that was what had happened.

Neither one of us had contact with the "friend" ever again.

My husband had my back.

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I feel that in a marriage you shouldn't have to ask your partner to have your back he should already know to have it. When he called me and said to tell him "what really happened" he was ready to end things. I don't understand why a "friend" would want to stir up trouble.

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Originally Posted by Cindyhp26

I feel that in a marriage u shouldnt have to ask ur partner to have ur back he should already know to have it. When he called me and said to tell him "what really happened" he was ready to end things. I don't understand why a "friend" would want to stir up trouble.

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That's why I asked where the "friend" was coming from - other than being a gossip and a misinformed gossip at that.

You're already hurt. I think I would go out of the house with my husband and tell him that you are hurt, that you feel betrayed, that you think he owes you an allegiance, that he should believe you and trust you whether his eyes are on you or they are not.

It sounds like your living situation is complicated. He can't be happy with that. I think stress is a big contributor here. Men for whatever reason take every set back as a blow to their ego. It must be difficult on him to be living in his parents' basement, and he might feel somewhat incompetent or [fill in a word] because you are kind of "stuck" and nothing will change that but time.

Does that make sense or am I babbling?

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You can't tell your husband who he can and cannot talk to, that would not be right, but I would tell him that his friend owes you and apology for lying and your husband owes you an apology. Did he apologize?

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Even though I told him I didn't want him speaking to his friend I did then take it back and told him he was grown enough to befriend who he wants. My husband did apologize but I do still feel hurt. Im his wife not his girlfriend. His reaction to all of this was I think just not necessary.

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Originally Posted by Cindyhp26

Even though I told him I didn't want him speaking to his friend I did then take it back and told him he was grown enough to befriend who he wants. My husband did apologize but I do still feel hurt. Im his wife not his girlfriend. His reaction to all of this was I think just not necessary.

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You know what? I agree with you. He reacted badly. You shouldn't have told him who can be his friend and who cannot.

But the question now is how you get past this.

What do you think will help the hurt heal?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

That's why I asked where the "friend" was coming from - other than being a gossip and a misinformed gossip at that.

You're already hurt. I think I would go out of the house with my husband and tell him that you are hurt, that you feel betrayed, that you think he owes you an allegiance, that he should believe you and trust you whether his eyes are on you or they are not.

It sounds like your living situation is complicated. He can't be happy with that. I think stress is a big contributor here. Men for whatever reason take each and every set back as a blow to their ego. It must be difficult on him to be living in his parents' basement, and he might feel somewhat incompetent or [fill in a word] because you are kind of "stuck" and nothing will change that but time.

Does that make sense or am I babbling?

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This makes a lot of sense. He has been on edge these past few weeks and he's been taking out his frustrations out on me. Before all of this happened I was already breaking down. It's hard living with your partner in which is always mad and doesn't have an explanation of why. I guess this situation just shattered me.

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Originally Posted by Cindyhp26

This makes a lot of sense. He has been on edge these past few weeks and he's been taking out his frustrations out on me. Before all of this happened I was already breaking down. It's hard living with your partner in which is always mad and doesn't have an explanation of why. I guess this situation just shattered me.

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- And believe me, I understand. Sure, who is he going to take it out on? His mother - she'd smack him.

You know, it will get better. You just need to "get" from here to there.

Do you have a close friend you can talk to, someone who will just listen, not judge, someone who cares about you and will listen with "open ears"? We all need a sounding board at some time or other.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You know what? I agree with you. He reacted badly. You shouldn't have told him who can be his friend and who cannot.

But the question now is how you get past this.

What do you think will help the hurt heal?

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Im not sure on how to heal. He clearly does not trust me and how can you get trust from your partner having done nothing for him to lose it?

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Originally Posted by Cindyhp26

Im not sure on how to heal. He clearly does not trust me and how can you get trust from ur partner having done nothing for him to lose it?

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I don't know that he clearly doesn't believe you. I don't know that the "friend" didn't call him on one bad day, one moment in time? How is your husband otherwise? Possessive? Jealous? Suspicious?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

- And believe me, I understand. Sure, who is he going to take it out on? His mother - she'd smack him.

You know, it will get better. You just need to "get" from here to there.

Do you have a close friend you can talk to, someone who will just listen, not judge, someone who cares about you and will listen with "open ears"? We all need a sounding board at some time or other.

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I do have friends I can talk to but I'm not really one to talk to my friends about all these personal issues I suppose I try to create this perfect marriage image.

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Originally Posted by Cindyhp26

I do have friends I can talk to but I'm not really one to talk to my friends about all these personal issues I suppose I try to create this perfect marriage image.

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I know - sometimes it's easier to share with strangers on line than with close friends.

And I would never want my friends to think badly of my husband, so I'd be a little careful about what I say.

I just don't think you can work through this alone.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I don't know that he clearly doesn't believe you. I don't know that the "friend" didn't call him on one bad day, one moment in time? How is your husband otherwise? Possessive? Jealous? Suspicious?

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My husband when we met 2 years ago was a bit jealous and a bit possessive but throughout our relationship we never had any issue Like this one. He has always had a anger problem and lately I see it coming out more. Our living situation isn't ideal and I'm sure it affects his anger. Can anger provoke other emotions such as jealousy? I mean we have never in our 2 years had an problem like this

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I know - sometimes it's easier to share with strangers on line than with close friends.

And I would never want my friends to think badly of my husband, so I'd be a little careful about what I say.

I just don't think you can work through this alone.

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His parents went through the same thing and they are now separated. His father heard that his wife was having an affair and ended the relationship. They act like a married couple but live in separate homes. I'm afraid my husband will make the same decision one day and I don't want to live that way.