Ask Me Help Desk - Husband's Strange behaviour

I am 33 years old with a 9 years old boy from my previous marriage and my husband 55 years old with a boy of 14 and a daughter of 10.My husband was married to an other one long time ago with a daughter and son of almost my age about which I didn't know before marriage.its an arranged marriage.I was a flight attendant and very satisfied with my job and belong to a very noble family.After getting married my husband use to make love with me and than ask me was it better than your X?I use to ignore and smile than he started waking me in the middle of the nights and use to ask me that you are so pretty and everyone loves u in your family so how come no 1 loved u earlier?I just told him I had many proposals but was not ready to get married yet.Next day he woke me again and asked me about my past and he was very rude so I told him that before marriage it was decided that our life is starting so past is past and he agreed but soon after marriage he started talking funny,he used to tell me how is this possible that I got such a nice family and a wife as it never happened before in my life so I used to tell him thank to God but he used to give me a weired xpression.One day my friend invited me to her engagement and I was getting ready to go so he said y didn't she invite him?so I said it is a small event and she did only invite her close friends,so he said u will not go.we had an argument later my mom said don't go as he is not OK.then wn evr my crew is with me he used to ask me to introduce him to everyone but no 1 wants to meet him as no one is interested and we hv thousands of crew members I cnt introduce him to everyone.once we went out and my friends were along he asked them to take our pics and he wanted me to make a horny pose and he wanted to touch my breast and back wildly in the pic and I asked him politely not to do this as I will be embarrassed in front of my friends because they belong from a descent back ground so he fought with me and said you are my wife I can do what ever I want,then the same night he raped me and I kept on crying but no use second day in the morning he said sorry kissed me hugged me and said I don't know what happens to me that I did all this with u and soon after saying that he started touching me again and said I want u again and did it again.he only sleeps only for 2 to 3 hrs in a day.he asked me to leave the job but I don't wanted to as u know about the airline perks.I always used to buy his and his kids tickets on discount.so he said leave the job or I will make u leave the job.he said I want to keep u in the room ,give u drugs tk pics with u ,use u wn ever I want,mk u dressed up the way I want and a lot.he used to do with me in periods too and wn I used to say no so he used to do by force.than he made me pregnant and wn I cm to know I was already8 weeks... I told him... at that time I was in one of the gulf country where it's a crime to abort and he knew and he knew my views too that I'm against abortion.he said go and get aborted.he raped me in my 9th week I started bleeding than he took care of me and said sorry and than again in my 14th week than again same story and last in 22 week. I don't know what to do .infront of other and even in front of my family he acts as if he loves me and no new person can know his reality... he pretends to be a loving perfect husband and a good father to my son but that's not true .
On the other hand wn I got married and I stepped in his house his Ex-wife and his wedding pics were mounted on the walls... everywhere even in the bedroom and he told me there r sm rules u hv to follow because those are made by his x.Later I came to know that his son did not wanted his father to get married and take his mothers place.his daughter speaks too much she is hyper active and loves to watch Horror movies which is full of blood and Nasty things.his son locks my son in the room and scares him twist his arm and force him to say that he will follow him.if I'm sleeping the daughter keeps knocking and wn ever she gets hurt or gets a mosquito bite she don't feel pain instead she scratches her dry wound and lick it by looking at me weiredly,she sucks her own blood,she extra daring and they both love to steel things from supermarket and steel money from cupboard although their father gave them everything they asked for.
I am so scared now as its my 28th week and I can't run or secure myself and my son... I am scared that I hope my baby doesn't hv any of their habits... I pray everyday for our safety... They all show as a perfect family in which I and my family got trapped and worked my best to mk this marriage workout... but now I am worried about the baby in my womb because he is suffering with me and my worries... I thought my husband will change with time and love... but he didn't.. my husband needs help and his kids too because my husbands past history is very rough...
Guys help me out now I don't have my previous job but after delivery I am capable to work but very scared of leaving the baby with them.

I'm very sorry about this... if you were in the US or many other countries, you could leave and file for divorce. What are the divorce laws of your country? Do you want one if you can get one?
It sounds like his daughter is acting in some ways much like he wants to, with his fantasies of drugging you and locking you in your room. His son seems to have picked up some of him too. I don't think it's genetic; they learned it from listening and watching him in subtle ways. I wouldn't expect your child to inherit that sort of behavior.

Do you want to get away? Can you? As a flight attendant you have many woman friends in the business, right, who might be able to take you in?

Could you leave and take the baby with you?

Divorce - ?

Thx guys for your support... But I am pregnant now and can't take such a big step as after marriage stress has given me short of breath ,thyroid and spondilytis... I am living with him in London... Want to deliver this baby soundly and see his reaction after that... But scared of giving my baby in his kid's hands may be they wld hurt him but I know he will give them forcefully or else tk his anger out in sm other way... rite now I hv totally stopped saying anything to them.even they breakthings by misusing them or I see them steeling things... coz no use I hv to suffer than or my son has to... Just pray daily for healthy baby.hope I find a good help.I don't hv any family here so don't even have a place to go and relax...

Quote:

Originally Posted by 777888666

Thx guys for ur support.... But i am pregnant now and can't take such a big step as after marriage stress has given me short of breath ,thyroid and spondilytis.....i am living with him in London.... Want to deliver this baby soundly and see his reaction after that ... But scared of giving my baby in his kid's hands may b they wld hurt him but i know he will give them forcefully or else tk his anger out in sm other way....rite now i hv totally stopped saying anything to them.even they breakthings by misusing them or i see them steeling things....coz no use i hv to suffer than or my son has to.... Just pray daily for healthy baby.hope i find a good help.i dont hv any family here so dont even have a place to go and relax....

Just so I have this right - you believe your baby could be in danger from your husband or his children, but you don't intend to leave? You're going to have the baby and then see "his reaction."

I find this to be amazing.

This is a very difficult situation and I feel for you.
Here is a website about women's shelter in the UK. They provide you with shelter and all the help you need to get on your feet.
http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_ad...womens_refuges

Take your son and leave as soon as possible (don't forget your passports)

I don't know the rules of this country as I hv neen here many times as I was flying but never thought of smthing like that... I applied for spouse visa after I got pregnant and than for my son because I can't handle it all alone... I cnt evn meet anyone as he is with me 24/7 even to work he tks me with him... visit to the doc he is with me or his daughter a well trained spy... he dials my mom and happily talk to her by saying we are very happy .thx for giving birth to such a nice daughter than gives me the phone to talk and stays there... But smtimes I seek sm time to browse and email my sis everything about him just to keep them informed as they are always worried.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 777888666

I dont know the rules of this country as i hv neen here many times as i was flying but never thought of smthing like that.... I applied for spouse visa after i got pregnant and than for my son coz i can't handle it all alone....i cnt evn meet anyone as he is with me 24/7 even to work he tks me with him....visit to the doc he is with me or his daughter a well trained spy....he dials my mom and happily talk to her by saying we are very happy .thx for giving birth to such a nice daughter than gives me the phone to talk and stays there...... But smtimes i seek sm time to browse and email my sis everything abt him just to keep them informed as they are always worried.

It seems that you have a reason why none of "our" suggestions will work. You somehow are managing to post here. If you have no time to contact anyone, how is that possible?

You need to formulate a plan and follow it.

I would stop emailing your sister and start emailing Attorneys - or ask your sister to contact an Attorney on your behalf.

Do you understand that you are putting your unborn child at risk?

This article might be of interest to you:
We are still failing non-British victims of domestic violence | Rahila Gupta | Comment is free | guardian.co.uk

You could let him take you to work and than leave work and go to a shelter. Instruct your child to do the same (from school).
Don't forget to delete your browsing history.
What does your sister say?

No other way? I need a support... Where will I go and what wld I do ?that's y I am waiting... Who will feed me , my son... till I am not fit to work hw cn I tk this step?if I wld hv been alone so it wld be f9 but I am with my son who totally depends on me and a baby in my womb... a short walk from one place to another makes me tired.Hw can I tk a stand with palpitation and no knowledge about anything?

Quote:

Originally Posted by 777888666

No other way? I need a support.... Where will i go and wat wld i do ?thats y i am waiting..... Who will feed me , my son.....till i am not fit to work hw cn i tk this step?if i wld hv been alone so it wld be f9 but i am with my son who totally depends on me and a baby in my womb....a short walk from one place to another makes me tired.Hw can i tk a stand with palpitation and no knowledge abt anything?

Please take the time to type in complete words and sentences as the site requires. Some of us don't text, thus it's hard for us to understand what you are saying. I would like to help, but I'm not sure I understand you.

Thanks a lot for your useful help. My sis is only 21 and in a gulf country... She wldnt be able to do anything from there so I will surely do smthing as soon as I can... thx again for the suggestion I will surely delete browsing history... Bless u

If you are from a noble family, your family should be able to help you out. It might be difficult for some time, but your life and that of your children is at risk, so it should be worth it. That should be reason enough to leave. Go to the shelter, get an attorney and get a divorce. Get help from your sister (moneywise). That seems to be the only option. What country are you from?

I'm so sorry ,next time I will try my best... thx

How are you able to be on AMHD for a somewhat extended period?

And that's a good point - you are from a "very" noble but helpless family? Your sister knows you are in danger but is doing nothing?

I think you are - on some level - enjoying being a victim or else you would make a move to help yourself and your children.

You are obviously not in an arranged marriage and obviously religion is not a big issue (you were having sex with him before marriage), you were a flight attendant, somewhat wordly - I don't understand how/why you are so helpless.

I am sorry but I didn't understand , why are you angry... I need guidance that's all

I think we all feel somewhat frustrated by a desire to help you but a fear that you won't change your situation because it will take a lot of effort - which it will. Is there no family who can come get you or meet you locally and take you away? You are telling us what this man is like but are you telling them (when he isn't hovering next to the phone)? Does he not go to work or leave the house?

I too am finding it hard to believe that you can tell us about the hold he has over you, but you can't tell the people who can physically help you - unless you don't really want to leave. The guidance you seek is going to be pretty much this: get away from him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 777888666

I am sorry but i didnt understand , why r u angry....i need guidence thats all

Oh I'm not angry - I'm frustrated. You post one thing, then you post the opposite. You have no freedom; you're on AMHD for well over an hour.

You're from a "very noble" family; no one can help you.

You are worried about your children; you aren't worried enough to do something.

You are/were a Flight Attendant. Presumably you have traveled and are somewhat wordly. I don't understand why you are frozen, unable to help yourself.

He goes to the Doctor with you? The Doctor allows him in the examination room during the entire exam? Call the Doctor. Tell him/her you need privacy during your next visit.

No matter what anyone suggests you find a reason it won't work.

Some people enjoy being the victim.

One of the main problems causing people to get frustrated is probably the difference in mentality.
Whereas western women are very independent and raised that way, women in middle eastern cultures are raised to obey their husbands (and most often not to have their own opinions). It's very difficult to break out of it, as the whole society supports this mentality. My husbands grandmother (from Yemen) was serving her husband her entire life and when he died, she just didn't know what to do, bug 2000.
But you need to break out of it and get help. You need to convince your family that you and your children are in danger and convince them to help you. You might have a lot of worries now regarding how to survive if you leave, but you will figure it out. Once you decide to leave and really do it, you will become a much stronger woman and you will see that you can do things you were not aware of.
You are a flight attendant, once you leave apply for jobs at other air carriers. Your life will be difficult at first, but seeing your son and your baby happy and being happy yourself for a change will be worth it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by taxesforaliens

One of the main problems causing people to get frustrated is probably the difference in mentality.
Whereas western women are very independent and raised that way, women in middle eastern cultures are raised to obey their husbands (and most often not to have their own opinions).

I agree in theory but this is a well-employed, "worldly" woman, divorced once, a single mother. I don't think she is uneducated or has been hidden from the World.

And I am hung up on the "no private time" but on AMHD for well over an hour - it can't be both ways.