I am 20 and I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 6 months. I love having sex with him but I don't understand why I don't get wet on my own. We have to use lubrication to help with it. He does foreplay and it feels good sometimes, but I just never seem to get wet from it. He is starting to think that he isn't preforming well or he is doing something wrong. I don't know how to fix this issue and I would really like to.

Well you can try telling him to give you oral sex before intercourse or playing with yourself... those are the only things I can think of.

There are also some medical problems that can cause this, one is called Raynaud's Syndrome. Do you have any medical problems that you know of?

Not that I know of. My last pap I had came back normal, but I don't know if that is how you would know. I didn't even know it could be a medical problem... I figured it was me or something do it wrong. Thanks for the answers

Well, it could be what is known as performance stress. Are you totally relaxed?

The pap really won't tell anything of that sort.

Do you worry that you won't perform well?

I have had a string of bad luck with guys. My boyfriend now is the best guy I have ever been with. Ever since my first time I have been with guys who have only cared about themselves and I got use to it. So for me to sit back and relax is very hard for me and I get bored easily. I know it sounds funny but I can't keep my mind on sex when it is focused about me. I am perfectly focused when I am trying to pleasure my boyfriend, but when he is trying to pleasure me I get distracted.

Good news: You're young (in sex age).
Most women find sex gets better every year.

The reason they call women's prime as in their 30's is not so much biological as psychological... Women tend to gain body-confidence and self-confidence through their 20's and learn to be "selfish" (in a good way). And not distracted by an idealized image of themselves and their partner.

A bunch of too damn personal questions...

Can you get off by self stimulation and can you get off orally? I know, not your original question, but bear with me.

If the answer is yes and yes, great. If not, explain.

Then, can you get off by intercourse? Whether you need lubrication or not, can you get there? If not, explain. Do you favor a particular position or does he choose?

Then, do you try oral and then intercourse, as mentioned above? If so, do you need lubrication still?

As mentioned, there are cases when a woman might simply need help with lubrication, regardless of her state of arousal.

I have no prolem getting off by myself. Never got off Orally and I never understood why. It feels good but then it just stops (if that makes any sense). And no I don't get off by intercourse. I like it because of the way it makes my boyfriend feel. And yes we have tried Oral then intercourse and in the few seconds he stops to get ready I get dry. And we have tried almost everything... from 69 to many different positions (we have even started to try anal... I don't care for it much)

That has a lot to do with having someone knowing to read you... in the sense of seeing what works and what doesn't. No two women respond exactly the same way to the same stimulus orally. I won't blame it on you, but unless you are really relaxed at the moment it could have something to do with it. Its likely his ability (or lack of it) Even my wife who usually has earthshaking orgasms has off days when she can't get off, but they are rare. She can't even get herself off like that. However I will be the first to admit, I can read her so know all her buttons. And know well enough that I can't grab any woman off the street that's willing and get the same results.

I wouldn't stress about it. Will just make it worse. Just keep talking, fantasizing, communicating, and taking your time... You've got lots of time.

There are a LOT of reasons you might not be self-lubricating. Birth control is a huge reason for a lot of women. Also stress does have an impact. Depression and anti-depressants can affect lubrication. Also, antihistamines are designed to dry up mucous membranes when you have a cold. It does the same thing to your vagina. Also, if you are focusing on why you aren't lubricating during sex, it can stress you out and cause you not to lubricate.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. IT IS NORMAL.
I have been having sex since I was 18 and I have always needed lube-- mostly due to the birth control. I say take the opportunity to make this fun by trying many different lubes (not oil-based since oil can linger in the vagina and cause infection) and seeing which one works best for you. :)

Thanks for the thoughful post punkyduck39. Always nice to have personal experience tied to postings.

Something to think about... its not wrong to address old threads that are still open, but remember to check the dates... this revived thread is from 2007 and the original poster hasn't been back in a few years.

Ill do this too... put the time and effort into posting a thoughtful comment, just to realize the AMHD member isn't visiting and the thread is essentially dead-er-ish. Ill try to address current members who are in need of help now... but again, it isn't wrong to address older threads that strike a note with you.