Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend watches porn

Hi I'm pregnant and feeling a little insecure about my body before I was pregnant I was a very confident person my boyfriend has been watching porn after I asked him not to an he said okay no problem an once in a while id ask if he watched it an he said no he can't see any girl in that way besides me an then a couple days later he came over and me in him were doing the "grown up" all of a sudden his phone starts playing porn I ignore it but confront him about it the next day an he gets mad an tries to put it on me then keeps changing the reasons as to why he watched it also he said he watched it to get turned on before he came over so now I feel like I'm not pretty enough to turn him on an on top of it I look nothing at all like the pornstars he watches I'm way uglyer... how should I react shuld I feel hurt especially if I tell him how self conscious I've became sense pregnant an the fact that he lied about how he sees other females.

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hi I'm pregnant and feeling a little insecure about my body before i was pregnant i was a very confident person my boyfriend has been watching porn after i asked him not to an he said okay no problem an once in a while id ask if he watched it an he said no he can't see any girl in that way besides me an then a couple days later he came over and me in him were doing the "grown up" all of a sudden his phone starts playing porn i ignore it but confront him about it the next day an he gets mad an tries to put it on me then keeps changing the reasons as to why he watched it also he said he watched it to get turned on before he came over so now i feel like I'm not pretty enough to turn him on an on top of it i look nothing at all like the pornstars he watches I'm way uglyer... how should i react shuld i feel hurt especially if i tell him how self conscious I've became sense pregnant an the fact that he lied about how he sees other females.

May I ask how old you are and if you have made plans to live together at any point in time? How far along are you?

Is your insecurity only from feeling less sexy and attractive or are other parts of the relationship causing you to feel unsure of the future and the relationship? Is he making a greater effort to give you attention since he isn't living with you?

I know how it feels when you are pregnant and your sick, gaining weight, body changing, and hormones are all over the place. Adding worried about the future (another fun part of pregnancy) to the mix and it can make you feel more sensitive to even the smallest thing that causes a small doubt about yourself and how you think he sees and interacts with you. However hard it is you need to accept that there are some things you can't control and they do not affect you.

You shouldn't have asked him to give up porn. He shouldn't have said he would. It only fed into your own insecurity and caused even more worry because you kept asking him about it. Now, you know he 'lied' about looking. While he should have been truthful from the beginning, what he did was tell you what he thought you wanted to hear. He was trying to be sensitive to your needs and feelings. Yes, I realize he finally came out and said he looked to get aroused before coming over to see you, but I have to wonder if he blurted that out in the midst of the disagreement when he might have been feeling cornered and defensive.

Something to keep in mind is that 'porn' is just one form of erotica. It is the same concept for men as romance novels and romantic movies are for many women.

You know, the person whose opinion counts the most about how you look and whether you are attractive or not is you. His opinion should enhance how you feel about yourself. It shouldn't replace or have more value than your own.

Yes we are planning to live together this jan an I'm 6mothes...
An no he hasent giving me more attention he use to give me more at the beginning of our relationship I just wish their was some advice someone could tell me so I didn't have to feel the way I feel about him watching it I've been told to watch it with him but I don't know how that would work an its hard to feel pretty when everythings getting flabby an nothing fits right ilove my boyfriend so much an I feel that if he loved me the same porn wuld not be in his life I satisfy him even while pregnant heck the only reason I'm pregnant now is cusz we couldent keep our hands off eachouther

Can you imagine the delight and affection and amazement he is going to feel when this baby is born? And his loving feelings toward you will increase at the same time. You will be (you are!) the mother of his child. Your changing body has to be a source of wonder for him. You are a walking, talking miracle worker carrying his baby.

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Originally Posted by jennhenn

yes we are planning to live together this jan an im 6mothes...
an no he hasent givin me more attention he use to give me more at the beginning of our relationship i just wish thier was some advice someone could tell me so i didnt have to feel the way i feel about him watching it iv been told to watch it with him but i dnt know how that would work an its hard to feel pretty wen everythings getting flabby an nothing fits right ilove my bf so much an i feel that if he loved me the same porn wuld not b in his life i satisfy him even while prego heck the only reason im prego now is cusz we couldent keep our hands off eachouther

How old are you? Plenty of people don't get "prego" because they can't keep their hands off each other. They use birth control and can't keep their hands off each other.

Jenn, I've been there (twice.) I'll be honest with that whether he looks or not, the insecurity is going to be there. It is the same insecurity that had you repeatedly asking him if he was looking even when he said he wasn't.

It isn't about satisfying him or not being attractive enough. If it weren't porn, you would start to be worried about women he meets at work/school, female friends (yours and his), or celebrities and models. It is insecurity fueled by hormones and rapid changes in your body.

If you give those insecurities control over your thoughts, actions and reactions, then they won't go away. They only get stronger even after the baby is born. Push aside the negative thoughts and concentrate on the positive ones. Are there some positive thoughts trying to get your attention?

Talk with your boyfriend. Release him from the promise and see if you can come up with a compromise. Perhaps you stop asking and he tries to make certain it doesn't start playing on his phone.

Make certain that you are both getting your needs met. Trying to meet all of his and ignoring your own (even if it is the need to cuddle instead of sex) will end up making you feel worse.

Do you masturbate? If not, it is a good way to explore your body and your mind.

As for porn, there are all types of people featured in porn including pregnant women. Whether you watch it with him or not, you might talk to him about the possibility and what you both might find mutually interesting. If anything it may give you a beginning to a discussion of likes and fantasies. Sometimes creating a fantasy world together can be very stimulating. Best thing is that fantasy doesn't have to become reality if you aren't comfortable with it. But it can be fun.

Have fun being silly together. Intimacy doesn't have to be serious. Finding your sense of humor can go a long way toward helping you feel better about yourself, him and life.

I was on birth contol then I got blood clots from them so we just used condoms fyi an I'm 23 an your kind of off topic so meybe you shuldnt reply thank you

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Originally Posted by jennhenn

i was on birth contol then i got blood clots from them so we just used condoms fyi an im 23 an yur kinda off topic so meybe you shuldnt reply thank you

Did you bother to read the rules... you get the answers you get, you can't dictate what anyone can and can't say.

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Originally Posted by jennhenn

i was on birth contol then i got blood clots from them so we just used condoms fyi an im 23 an yur kinda off topic so meybe you shuldnt reply thank you

I'm not the one with this problem - you are. Please keep that in mind when you post.

Don't attempt to direct who will and who will not answer your questions. If you only want people who agree with you, ask your family.

"... yur kinda off topic so meybe you shuldnt reply ..." Are you in the US?