So I had a dream last night that was very odd to me. It was white all white there was nothing there just white, and standing there was my fiancée smiling. No one was around I didn't even see myself just all white and her. Now we are going through some things right now she is saying she don't want to be with me anymore, and we have a 8 month old daughter. But like I said all that was there was her smiling and it was white. Does anyone have any ideas what this means? I have never had a dream like this and either has she.

I became a little lost in your post. Did you mean that in the dream she was saying that there were problems or in real life are you going through a rough time? Do you have a child or was that part of the dream?

Most dreams do not mean anything. Images are what our brains show us while it sorts out thoughts.

How did the dream make you feel? Peaceful, happy, scared, worried, etc.

If you are currently having issues in your relationship, we will be happy to listen and give you any advice we can. Unfortunately dreams generally mean what the person wants them to mean.

Could it be a means of opening up communications with your fiancée?

I was worried at first about the dream but only cause I don't now what it means. I haven't been very good to her. We have been together for 6 years as of October 30th. I spent a lot of time playing video games and talking with friends. We haven't really had many dates maybe 4 or 5 max the whole time we have been together. She moved in with my mom in April-May and I realized I need to start making changes or I was going to lose her for good. I began to work on the small stuff first. But it didn't seem like it was doing anything to help up.

3 weeks ago she started to say it was over and stopped saying I love you. I started to make the bigger changes she wanted (saying I love you all the time, telling her how great she looked, cuddling, paying attention to her, taking her out, and just having fun with each other like we used to). But every time I seem to get somewhere and we start to move forward I seem to do something to move us a step back again. I have been trying not to be to controlling like I was before. I called all the time and sent text all the time and I'm trying to stop that as well (when I'm not with her or talking to her it's like there is something that is missing, and when I am with her or talking to her that something isn't missing anymore).

I have done a lot of things to ruin the relationship and I understand a lot of the blame is on my shoulders alone. But I do love her and I know she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm completely lost on what to do at this point. I don't know if I should give up let her go and hope she comes back or do I keep fighting for her and risk pushing her farther away? I know there are things that we can do to fix it (individual therapy, couples therapy, couples retreats, etc. etc.). I have also been reading this book and I recommend it to everyone in a relationship it's called "don't sweat the small stuff in love". It is amazing has opened my eyes to a lot and has showed me that the problems that we have are fixable. They show you right there what the problem is and how to fix it. All you need to do is implement it in your relationship.

I know she still loves me and I know she still wants it to work. When we are together now we don't fight we don't argue unless we start talking about what is going on. She has showed this same pattern many times in the last 6 years. When I don't pay attention to her and she tries to find it from someone else. And that seems to be what she is doing at this point as well.

The only difference is I know what the problem is and I'm showing her the attentions she wants but I'm not sure if it is working or not.

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Originally Posted by snachies1

i was worried at first about the dream but only cause i dont now what it means. i havent been very good to her. we have been together for 6 years as of october 30th. i spent alot of time playing video games and talking with friends. we havent really had many date maybe 4 or 5 max the whole time we have been together. she moved in with my mom in april-may and i realized i need to start making changes or i was going to lose her for good. i began to work on the small stuff first. but it didnt seem like it was doin anything to help up. 3 weeks ago she started to say it was over and stopped saying i love you. i started to make the bigger changes she wanted (saying i love you all the time, telling her how great she looked, cuddling, paying attention to her, taking her out, and just having fun with each other like we used to). but everytime i seem to get somewhere and we start to move forward i seem to do something to move us a step back again. i have been trying not to be to controling like i was before. i called all the time and sent text all the time and im trying to stop that as well (when im not with her or talking to her its like there is something that is missing, and when i am with her or talking to her that something isnt missing anymore). i have done alot of things to ruin the relationship and i understand alot of the blame is on my shoulders alone. but i do love her and i know she is the one i want to spend the rest of my life with. im completly lost on what to do at this point. i dont know if i should give up let her go and hope she comes back or do i keep fighting for her and risk pushing her farther away? i know there are things that we can do to fix it (individual therapy, couples therapy, couples retreats, etc. etc.). i have also been reading this book and i recomend it to everyone in a relationship its called "dont sweat the small stuff in love". it is amazing has opened my eyes to alot and has showed me that the problems that we have are fixable. they show you right there what the problem is and how to fix it. all you need to do is implament it in your relationship. i know she still loves me and i know she still wants it to work. when we are together now we dont fight we dont argue unless we start talking about what is going on. she has showed this same pattern many times in the last 6 years. were i dont pay attention to her and she trys to find it from someone else. and that seems to be what she is doing at this point as well. the only difference is i know what the problem is and im showing her the attentions she wants but im not sure if it is working or not.

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Do you mind if I ask how old you both are? Is there a child involved?

I am going to need you to do something for me. When you post, please use paragraphs. It will help make it easier to understand what you are trying to say. The block of text tells me that your thoughts are all over the place and jumbled together. Let's see if you can sort them out and maybe communicate them a bit better. Okay?

First and foremost, it sounds like you do have some responsibility in what happened in the past. You accept it and are working on it and that is great. However, she bears some responsibility, too. Is she putting in any effort to change her pattern of talking to others instead of communicating with you?

It seems that part of the problem is a catch-22 for you. In other words, if you contact her too much, it is seen as controlling. However, if you don't may her enough attention she starts playing games.

I know this may not be what you want to hear, but unless she is willing to work with you and communicate with you, things won't and can't get better.

Would she be willing to go to counseling or Couple's Classes? Couple's Classes are designed to help individuals learn how to communicate and work together.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

Do you mind if I ask how old you both are? Is there a child involved?

I am going to need you to do something for me. When you post, please use paragraphs. It will help make it easier to understand what you are trying to say. The block of text tells me that your thoughts are all over the place and jumbled together. Let's see if you can sort them out and maybe communicate them a bit better. Okay?

First and foremost, it sounds like you do have some responsibility in what happened in the past. You accept it and are working on it and that is great. However, she bears some responsibility, too. Is she putting in any effort to change her pattern of talking to others instead of communicating with you?

It seems that part of the problem is a catch-22 for you. In other words, if you contact her too much, it is seen as controlling. However, if you don't may her enough attention she starts playing games.

I know this may not be what you want to hear, but unless she is willing to work with you and communicate with you, things won't and can't get better.

Would she be willing to go to counseling or Couple's Classes? Couple's Classes are designed to help individuals learn how to communicate and work together.

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I am 26 she is 22. We have an 8 month old daughter.

She is making an effort, but it does not seem like she is trying as hard as she should be or wants to be. She seems very confused on what she should do.

That's why I have been trying to make the effort to stop making the calls all the time, and not be so controlling.

It seems very hard to find that median that she wants in me calling and not. I understand it's a problem and needs to be fixed and she does as well.

She is willing to do counselling and classes. But figure out times to do it is a major problem. Having an 8 month old, her watching kids during the week, and both of us starting school full time. We are even looking into doing couples retreats, and individual counselling.

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Originally Posted by snachies1

I am 26 she is 22. We have an 8 month old daughter.

She is making an effort, but it does not seem like she is trying as hard as she should be or wants to be. She seems very confused on what she should do.

Thats why I have been trying to make the effort to stop making the calls all the time, and not be so controlling.

It seems very hard to find that median that she wants in me calling and not. I understand its a problem and needs to be fixed and she does as well.

She is willing to do counselling and classes. but figure out times to do it is a major problem. Having an 8 month old, her watching kids during the week, and both of us starting school full time. We are even looking into doing couples retreats, and individual counselling.

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How well I remember having a young baby. There never seems to be enough hours in the day or days in the week. Then you add work, school and other obligations and there aren't enough days in the year.

If you are both willing to put the work in, it can work out. It takes patience and time. If you are living apart, it is going to take even more effort. I am guessing that the baby is living with her at your mother's. Feeling overwhelmed and confused is natural even in the best of circumstances. Are you able to help each other take care of the child? Is there someone willing to watch the child while you spend time together?

Would it help you both to have a small memento to wear or have handy that you can look at or touch when you get the urge to call too often or feel lost?

There really isn't any easy way to ask this. Is part of her confusion from getting involved in a serious relationship at fifteen/sixteen years of age? Does she feel like she missed out on something? If so, individual counseling might help her work through those feelings and any resentment that might be hiding underneath all the confusion.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

How well I remember having a young baby. There never seems to be enough hours in the day or days in the week. Then you add work, school and other obligations and there aren't enough days in the year.

If you are both willing to put the work in, it can work out. It takes patience and time. If you are living apart, it is going to take even more effort. I am guessing that the baby is living with her at your mother's. Feeling overwhelmed and confused is natural even in the best of circumstances. Are you able to help each other take care of the child? Is there someone willing to watch the child while you spend time together?

Would it help you both to have a small memento to wear or have handy that you can look at or touch when you get the urge to call too often or feel lost?

There really isn't any easy way to ask this. Is part of her confusion from getting involved in a serious relationship at fifteen/sixteen years of age? Does she feel like she missed out on something? If so, individual counseling might help her work through those feelings and any resentment that might be hiding underneath all the confusion.

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Yes she is with my mother and the baby is there as well.

My mother watches her often so we can have us time and we do really good together when we are alone and together, but like I said I seem to always do something (no matter how small) that pushes us back a step.

I actually get a shirt from her every couple of days and have it at the house with me. May sound kind of lame but it is wrapped around a pillow and I fall asleep holding the pillow. Just having her sent around helps calm me and help me sleep.

We have talked about the last part as well. She didn't get to go out for her 21st cause she was pregnant. and she says she never got to go with friends and party and hang out and never gets the chance anymore. But she was one of those kids with the parents who didn't care if she drank or used drugs. I have told her she should be past that since she did that before and during the first year we were together.

Counselling is something we are both interested in, but she does not believe it will work. She has gone before for something much more serious that happened to her when she was younger ( I won't and don't feel I should go into detail) but it was very trumatic and she still hasn't fully gotten over it. I'm one of 3 people that know of what happened we have talked about it many times.

You seem to be trying and learning so keep doing the right things and don't be afraid if its working or not. I think you both are adjusting to a life changing event, and its only been 8 months. You also both have many new things and outside stresses to navigate through, so a certain amount of fear and disconnect is natural.

Sometimes you just have to relax, be a good listener, and just hug and support. I would imagine she is scared to death, and so are you. Just be grateful to grow together through this and let her know how grateful you are to do it. Patience goes a long way here. I think that's what your dream was trying to tell you, open your heart, forget the fear, and work hard to be a good person to those that depend on you.

You are the rock in her uncertain world. If you set a good orderly direction, she will follow. Never forget she has spent her entire adult life with you, and needs space to grow on her own, and that's crucial as you face the challenges ahead.

Good Luck.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You seem to be trying and learning so keep doing the right things and don't be afraid if its working or not. I think you both are adjusting to a life changing event, and its only been 8 months. You also both have many new things and outside stresses to navigate thru, so a certain amount of fear and disconnect is natural.

Sometimes you just have to relax, be a good listener, and just hug and support. I would imagine she is scared to death, and so are you. Just be grateful to grow together thru this and let her know how grateful you are to do it. Patience goes a long way here. I think thats what your dream was trying to tell you, open your heart, forget the fear, and work hard to be a good person to those that depend on you.

You are the rock in her uncertain world. If you set a good orderly direction, she will follow. Never forget she has spent her entire adult life with you, and needs space to grow on her own, and thats crucial as you face the challenges ahead.

Good Luck.

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She seems to be adjusting in a different way though. She is trying to hide from the problems rather then face them head on and try to over come them.

In this book I'm reading they had a great section "Stop wishing your partner were different". In it it say that you should stop wishing your partner were someone else, or someone new. And that you should try to compare your partner to someone else. By looking for a new partner you will just have a new set of problems. Rather work with your partner to repair and change the problems you have together. I paraphraised that some but in general that's what it said.

I guess the biggest question I would have for anyone reading this is "should I put my trust in letting her go and hoping she will come back, or should I keep fighting to keep her from leaving?" She has told me "I will pri be back, I don't know when i can't give you that but I'll pri be back" She feels she needs to see if there is something different out there for some reason she feels she needs to look. But should I let it and pretend that I'm happy about it or keep fighting and try to keep from losing her for good?

Dreams don't mean anything that's why their so random it's a replay of memories all thrown together. Ever notice when you dream people are wearing things you've seen them in before. That's because it's a thrown together world of thoughts and memories

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Originally Posted by Gamed

Dreams dont mean anything thats why their so random its a replay of memories all thrown together. Ever notice when you dream people are wearing things you've seen them in before. Thats because its a thrown together world of thoughts and memories

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But Gamed that don't explain why it was just white and she was the only thing there and smiling. Of course she had cloths on it was my favorite Sunday dress she wears.

Imagine being in a room (4 walls, no doors, no windows). The whitest walls you have seen you don't know where they start and where the end. That's what it was like. The only thing there was her. She had the same smile she had the day I asked her out, the day I asked her to marry me, the trips we took to Michigan, camping, and the day our daughter was born.

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Originally Posted by snachies1

But Gamed that dont explain why it was just white and she was the only thing there and smiling. Of course she had cloths on it was my favorite sunday dress she wears.

Imagine being in a room (4 walls, no doors, no windows). The whitest walls you have seen you don't know where they start and where the end. Thats what it was like. The only thing there was her. She had the same smile she had the day I asked her out, the day I asked her to marry me, the trips we took to michigan, camping, and the day our daughter was born.

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Well that more than explains the cloths and the smile. Listen don't think into this too much. When you sleep you often can't control what you think about. Maybe you thought of white clouds without knowing, and then thought about her causing your brain to throw together that scenario