I am a mother of 6 I am in control 99% of the day. I correct the children's behavior, plan everyone's day and attend to every need. The amount of control I have is ridiculous! I tell my husband no all the time. I tell him not to speak to the kids. I undermine his authority. It's kind of out of control. I expect him to go to work and that is it. We are in need of a serious change! I have addressed him and asked for him to be more in control. I even gve him permission to help me change my ways. That if he wanted to spank me it was OK. He tried but I can manipulate him and can get him to stop (it hurts). Any helpful advise on how he could train me? I do need to learn to be a partner not the HOH.

It sounds like your power balance is out of whack there. I would suggest professional couples counselling. There really isn't much more I can suggest.

Hi sweetmiss. I may not be so perfect, but my aunt was once in your shoes. It didn't just started when you got married. It's been there as long as your are. It's just your life, but for the fact that you are married it should change. Before ever going forward, I must tell you that your husband loves you so much that he doesn't want to take control by all means. He has friends, relatives. Don't he? They must have noticed it and told him to do something. For the love he has for you he has done nothing so serious to change that because he knows its going to hurt you. Sweetmiss it is very easy to give him the control totally. Just make him feel like the head of the family. Let him make decisions for the family in all things. Force yourself to obey him even when he doesn't want you to. If it means going for a vacation alone, leaving the family for him to take control as you are away maybe that will make him learn how to take control of the family. But you should be calling home to know what is going on. When you are on that vacation leave the family totally for him to run don't take part in that. I hope my advice or others will help you, because you really need to give him all controls of the house {he is the head of the family} you are there to support hin completely.

I see two issues in your post.

1. You have control and part of you doesn't want to give it up.

2. You think inviting your husband to punish you like a child is going to change how you behave.

By asking or demanding that your husband treat you like a child instead of you treating him like a partner, you are controlling yet another aspect of your relationship.

I think Craven is correct and counseling may be the only answer that will work for you. You need to have a neutral party teach both of you better ways to communicate with each other.

Something I want you to think about: Do you want him to take control because you are tired of being the boss or because part of you is sexually aroused by the thought of being submissive and controlled? You did post this in Adult Sexuality so I have to ask. If so, then this is something else you need to discuss with your husband.

One of the first steps you can take to step back from being in control is to work on communicating with your husband. Perhaps discussing sex and fantasy is a good place to begin.

Good luck and give marriage counseling a try along with anything else you try.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sugarking

Hi sweetmiss. I may not be so perfect, but my aunt was once in your shoes. It didn't just started when you got married. It's been there as long as your are. It's just your life, but for the fact that you are married it should change. Before ever goin forward, I must tell you that your husband loves you so much that he doesn't want to take control by all means. He has friends, relatives. Don't he? They must have noticed it and told him to do something. For the love he has for you he has done nothing so serious to change that because he knows its going to hurt you. Sweetmiss it is very easy to give him the control totally. Just make him feel like the head of the family. Let him make decisions for the family in all things. Force yourself to obey him even when he doesn't want you to. If it means goin for a vacation alone, leaving the family for him to take control as you are away maybe that will make him learn how to take control of the family. But you should be calling home to know what is going on. When you are on that vacation leave the family totally for him to run don't take part in that. I hope my advice or others will help you, beacuse you really need to give him all controls of the house {he is the head of the family} you are there to support hin completely.

---

Did you actually read the question? I don't even know what this means: "I must tell you that your husband loves you so much that he doesn't want to take control by all means." You know how much her husband loves her?

She's looking for discipline! That's a whole different ballgame. This is posted in Adult Sexuality, not parenting, so I think it's safe to take that leap.

As far as running the household it sounds like if she doesn't, no one will.

You are advising a mother of 6 to take a vacation and call home now and then.

This is an adult board. You are aware of that, right?

It's very odd that you gave permission to your husband to try to change you.
It's odder still that you think spanking will stop a mother of 6 from being a control freak.
If you have a problem with yourself that you can't control, and he doesn't, then go get therapy yourself. It sounds like you need it anyway.
What's this order to him that he not speak to the kids all about?

I was really looking for advise on how to let go of control.
I do like when he spanked me during sex - I liked the feeling of being powerless and not having to decide every move.
I should say this the kids are his stepkids. So I do referee any coversation that is a discipline issue. I don't keep him from talking to them at all. Sorry I didn't think it would be taken like that.
I just wondered how to give up an ounce of "always be the mom. Caregiver, wife etc" any helpful tips would be appreciated

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sweetmiss

I was really looking for advise on how to let go of control.
I do like when he spanked me during sex - I liked the feeling of being powerless and not having to decide every move.
I should say this the kids are his stepkids. So I do referee any coversation that is a discipline issue. I don't keep him from talking to them at all. Sorry I didn't think it would be taken like that.
I just wondered how to give up an ounce of "always be the mom. Caregiver, wife etc" any helpful tips would be appreciated

---

If this is about parenting, it needs to be moved.

If it's about spanking as part of sex this is the right place.

Which is it?

I may have some helpful suggestions if it IS about sex...

I'm with Judy on this. I too want to know if it is parenting or sex you need advice on.

Not parenting issue. I am confident in my parenting.

Was searching on how to be more submissive. In all areas. Sexually, and also in my marriage.

You all need couples counseling, you are confusing sexual games with also changing your personal life

Sex games does not change how you interact other times.