Hi,

I got married last year and love my wife a lot. But I made a mistake of keeping in touch with a old female friend. She was just a good friend initially. She also got married last year but had a very rough relationship with her husband. She finally decided to go for divorce and needed emotional support in terms of friendship.

I decided to help her and started talking very frequently to her. Slowly and slowly we started to chat daily and meet also whenever she was in my town. An emotional bond developed. I also had soft feeling for her but we never had any physical intimacy and never even kissed or touch as such.

It was all emotional bond and my wife meantime was checking my messages for past 6 months. There were even some messages where I discussed with the same friend of mine about not getting enough physical satisfaction with my wife, and she was discussing how to develop bond between me and my wife. My wife now suspect that I was in love with my girlfriend and has no feelings for her... My wife wants divorce from me and wishes separation. I am completely devastated.. I love her and do not wish to lose her... I am so sorry for what I have done but my wife is not able to forgive me... I am completely broken hearted... pls suggest...

Unfortunately it all came out in the wash, as it usually does. There's nothing you can do, you made a mistake and now you're learning your consequences the hard way. Trust is not something easily regained, if at all so your wife has no reason to trust you again.

You've made a mistake, most of the time we all learn the hard way, like I said. It's just unfortunate it was at the cost of your wife. I hope you learned your lesson.

The damage has been done. You might have been able to talk this through were it not for the part about confiding in this woman about your sex life. That takes away all hope of claiming you were just there for her troubles.
The best you can do is apologize over and over and say you love her over and over, and never had sexual feelings for the friend, and that this was all happening before you met your wife and you thought it would be rude and cold to stop. You can also say that you never even tried to hide the messages. But I don't think it's going to work. A REALLY desperate idea might be to ask your wife to meet the woman at a restaurant, alone, without you - if you feel confident that the woman never has had romantic feelings for you.

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Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

Unfortunately it all came out in the wash, as it usually does. There's nothing you can do, you made a mistake and now you're learning your consequences the hard way. Trust is not something easily regained, if at all so your wife has no reason to trust you again.

You've made a mistake, most of the time we all learn the hard way, like I said. It's just unfortunate it was at the cost of your wife. I hope you learned your lesson.

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Thank you for reply... yes I have learned my mistake and is repenting it endlessly... I wish my wife can only forgive me...

I don't know how to regain her trust and confidence... I am asking her to forgive daily but the distance only seems to remain the same...

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Originally Posted by ronin123

thank you for reply.....yes i have learned my mistake and is repenting it endlessly...i wish my wife can only forgive me...

i dont know how to regain her trust and confidence...i am asking her to forgive daily but the distance only seems to remain the same....

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There are people who allow trust to be regained slowly. There are more who do not regain trust once it it lost. If she is not willing to regain the trust, then you are only wasting your time. This is a hard one to fix.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

The damage has been done. You might have been able to talk this through were it not for the part about confiding in this woman about your sex life. That takes away all hope of claiming you were just there for her troubles.
The best you can do is apologize over and over and say you love her over and over, and never had sexual feelings for the friend, and that this was all happening before you met your wife and you thought it would be rude and cold to stop. You can also say that you never even tried to hide the messages. But I don't think it's going to work. A REALLY desperate idea might be to ask your wife to meet the woman at a restaurant, alone, without you - if you feel confident that the woman never has had romantic feelings for you.

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That women is also ready to clarify that nothing intimate ever happened and also to clarify but this I know will create more issues as I know my wife will only think that I trust that women more than her...

I just right now hope that she can take all her anger out which is bottled up for 6 months and give me one last chance... I promise I will not ever think about other person than her in my life... but only if she is able to forgive me... I don't know how it will happen...

Ask your wife if she will meet the woman without you present but with a female friend or relative of hers with her. That way the women can talk and talk and TALK, as women like to do, and if in a restaurant, your wife is free to get up and leave anytime she wants. And she'll have support.

There is no way to make her forgive you, if you are still married and not in divorce court, you are lucky at this point. I am having trouble seeing that you understand this was wrong or more upset because you got caught. But it will have to just go and see, Joypulv advice is as good as any.

When did your wife find out about your friend and messages?

Would your wife consider marriage counseling?

If this woman was a good friend, why didn't you introduce her to your wife especially when it was clear the friend needed emotional support and friendship? Did you tell your wife about the friend or did she become suspicious and start investigating (snooping) and find out about her?

Before reading the messages, did your wife know you weren't satisfied physically? Did you ever communicate (or at least try) with your wife?

I want you to think about this and be honest with yourself: Did you put more effort into your relationship with your friend than you did your marriage? Did you give the friend more attention than you did your wife?

Stop saying you are sorry over and over again. After awhile it sounds like a broken record and has as much meaning as a recording. Show her you want to make amends by asking her to go to marriage counseling.

Break-off all contact with your friend. I have to wonder if she would have gone for marriage counseling instead of divorce if you had not been involved. I am sorry but I think you both may have been closer to crossing other boundaries than you may want to think or believe.

I do think you love your wife. I think that is what you need to express to her. However, until she is willing to move forward and let the trust rebuild, there isn't much you can do.