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Hi, I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 31. I am having a little problem, my boyfriend loves porn. I try to watch it with him but in not into that. I also think he would rather jack-off then have sex... we have only been together for 4 months. I've known him for 5 years. I never known this side if him.. I need to know if its me? Or him? Or what he hell the problem.
I would recommend you leave the relationship. You have only dated him a few months, he's aware of your discomfort and he's already lost interest in a sexual relationship with you.
Some people find porn harmless. I disagree. For example, this is hurting your feelings and offending you, and he clearly doesn't give a rat's behind how his habit impacts you. It can also create an unrealistic standard of what a real woman looks and acts like, which you are what - supposed to live up to? Compete with? If you have to live in comparisson with another woman, it is not a reasonably fair relationship. He's not going to change because you ask him to. He's not going to change because he's hurting your feelings. He's not going to change because his habit puts your relationship at risk. Is that good enough for you? Porn is only harmless if it's welcomed by both people in the relationship.
The right man will make you feel like you are the only woman in the world, and will cherish and respect you. This isn't the guy. The best you can hope for with a guy like this is that he will hide the habit from you, and lie and cheat to keep you from it. He's more attracted to a sexual fantasy life than a real sex life with a real woman. Let him have his fantasy while you go have a real relationship with a real man. What's the future - marriage and kids, and your daughter finding Dad's stash? Your kid's father having an affair with the babysitter or leaving you with the crying baby while he runs to a strip club? This is not a man - it's an adolescent boy. Get out while you can.
Whoa there tex. You're making quite a few assumptions there. I think we need to ascertain whether their sex life is suffering. You do have a point though, it is only four months invested. It is about this time where the big issues will show and sometimes some hard decisions need to be made.Quote:
Originally Posted by dontknownuthin
I disagree with this in more ways than you can imagine. Porn, like World of Warcraft, Alcohol, Pot, twilight, pokemon, beanie babies, and the like, is fine in moderation. It is when it starts to take over your life that it becomes a problem. Just like anything above that I have listed. If she didn't notice this during the five previous years she knew this fellow than I think it is safe to assume that he isn't addicted.Quote:
Originally Posted by dontknownuthin
You're looking at porn though the eyes of a woman. You're not understanding how men see this. There is an important difference between how the sexes are aroused and you can see this in porn. Where you see unreasonable expectation, fake breasts, air brushed bits, and all the things that you are comparing yourself to men will see boobs. Seriously. We're not all that complex. What you need to understand is that men like to look at naked women. We're not comparing you towards them, nor judging you based upon them. It is a seed of fantasy, a thought to masturbate too.
The masturbation. That is scratching an itch. It is a private moment with the guy and himself where he can take care of only himself. There isn't any worry or concern about your partner and if they're enjoying themselves, if everything is feeling good for them and yourself, if you smell okay, if you're clean 'down there', or anything else. It isn't because we're unsatisfied with the amount of, or quality of sex that we're getting. It is just... taking the edge off.
Female arousal stems more from a emotional response. Reading a romance novel, romantic comedy, and the like. Pride and Prejudice and Colin Firth in a wet shirt do not have the same response from men as you would have.
You think porn is a fantasy world? What is the colour of the sky on your world? How on this fluffy green earth can you relate porn to cheating? Affairs? There is no prince charming. The fellow you're describing doesn't exist. Normal men will look and you can't control that. As soon as your start putting on restrictions, you will get a fellow that will be more clever. He will continue to do it but try to hide it better. You will find it again. Ad Nausem.Quote:
Originally Posted by dontknownuthin
The funny thing is that you described the perfect man from most romance novels and romantic comedies. The chances of finding this person is about the same as a man his porn star. So forgive me if I find that last paragraph a little hypocritical.
So the question I have for the Original Poster is, besides the porn how is the rest of your relationship? How is the sex? Is it as often and varied as you like?
The problem here could be an addiction on his part, which I highly doubt, or it could be you in so much that you're reading too much into it. What he is watching doesn't really play into what he wants as a mate. It could be the urge of the hour. Take for example, he just finshed watching Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon he might be in the mood for oriental instead of Caucasian. It isn't that he's wanting to have sex with a japanese school girl but that he is just getting a seed of fantasy for a session.
In the end it is you that he makes love to. Remember that.
You say "I also think he would rather jack-off than have sex... " What does he say or what behaviors does he exhibit that cause you to think this?
Seems like he's not as into you as you are into him...
Have you tried talking with him? Does he know that porn isn't working for you? Have you heard from him what his expectations are? Have you shared yours? Have you both tried to compromise?
May I ask why you got together after knowing each other for five years? The reason I am asking because of the possibility that you both slid into the relationship because you were both there and available. Did you both realize that you were attracted to each other and wanted to see if a relationship would work out? If the passion was more than a moment of lust?
You mention porn, but you don't talk about the rest of your relationship and lives. If he is under a lot of stress or tired from work, dealing with friends and family, etc. then he may not be wanting the full experience. If your time together is limited or prone to distractions, then he be looking for a quick start.
Other than watching porn, how does he try to get you in the mood, or does he?
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