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-   -   All the wrong reasons? Help! (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=695712)

  • Aug 21, 2012, 10:34 AM
    Amyyforthestars
    All the wrong reasons? Help!
    I love my boyfriend but I don't want to be with him right now.

    I'm 19 and I've been with him for over two years and I'm going crazy! I feel like if we happened later on we would be fine, but I just want to be a kid for now.

    I want to be able to flirt, go to parties, go on dates, and I want to be able to hang out with my guys friends. And honestly I've only slept with two guys, I want to experience more than that. I'm not saying I want to be a whore but I know there's more out there I want to see what it's all about.

    I feel like if I marry my boyfriend, when I'm on my death bed looking back on my life there are going to be tons of things Ill regret n
  • Aug 21, 2012, 11:05 AM
    NeedKarma
    So what's stopping you from living your life? The fear of regret? I think you'll find that you regret the things you didn't do instead of the things you did.

    You obviously don't share the same feelings as your boyfriend. How do you know he wants to marry you?
  • Aug 21, 2012, 11:16 AM
    Amyyforthestars
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by NeedKarma View Post
    So what's stopping you from living your life? The fear of regret? I think you'll find that you regret the things you didn't do instead of the things you did.

    You obviously don't share the same feelings as your boyfriend. How do you know he wants to marry you?
    He proposed. And that also makes me feel bad because he went out and bought a ring and set up this whole romantic evening. I feel terrible because I said I needed time to think. And he's always talking about buying a house and having kids. I feel cornered.
  • Aug 21, 2012, 11:19 AM
    NeedKarma
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Amyyforthestars View Post
    I feel cornered.
    Obviously that's not the feeling you should be having. I think you've realized somethig but are too afraid to vocalize it to him. Personally I feel that 19 is too young to get married. You need to 'find yourself' and have some life experiences before you commit for life.
  • Aug 21, 2012, 11:27 AM
    Amyyforthestars
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by NeedKarma View Post
    Obviously that's not the feeling you should be having. I think you've realized somethig but are too afraid to vocalize it to him. Personally I feel that 19 is too young to get married. You need to 'find yourself' and have some life experiences before you commit for life.
    I do too. And he knew from the beginning I didn't want to ever get married and I don't want kids and said he was fine with that so I don't know what he's doing this for.
  • Aug 21, 2012, 12:05 PM
    JudyKayTee
    My post was removed - I honestly don't know why.

    OP has asked about this relationship twice before.

    If the posts are combined this question makes better sense.

    OP has other relationship problems, also, which bring clarity to this problem.
  • Aug 21, 2012, 12:13 PM
    Amyyforthestars
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    My post was removed - I honestly don't know why.

    OP has asked about this relationship twice before.

    If the posts are combined this question makes better sense.

    OP has other relationship problems, also, which bring clarity to this problem.
    Actually this question has nothing to do with the others. The others are me trying to figure out what's going on in his head. This one is me. I'm trying to figure out why I can't commit.
  • Aug 21, 2012, 12:57 PM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Amyyforthestars View Post
    Actually this question has nothing to do with the others. The others are me trying to figure out what's going on in his head. This one is me. I'm trying to figure out why I can't commit.

    One of your threads asks if he's cheating or if you're being paranoid. That has a LOT to say about why you won't commit.

    The other deals with his pizza delivery career and how many hours you work and your financial problems. That has a LOT to say about why you won't commit.

    How can you not think the three are related?
  • Aug 21, 2012, 03:00 PM
    Amyyforthestars
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    One of your threads asks if he's cheating or if you're being paranoid. That has a LOT to say about why you won't commit.

    The other deals with his pizza delivery career and how many hours you work and your financial problems. That has a LOT to say about why you won't commit.

    How can you not think the three are related?
    No, like I said before right now the problem is me. I have two jobs now and I got a raise at my first one so between the two I'm making almost $1000 a week so money isn't the issue. And yes that may make it a little more difficult to say yes I'll marry you but it wouldn't be enough to make me break up with him. Like I said I still love him and I want to be with him, but just not right now. I need time to just do me right now. And Ive asked him how he would feel about a break for a couple weeks so I can just get out of here for awhile. I was offered a job in Kansas doing the same thing I'm doing here for $16 more than what I make here and I'm making almost $11 an hour here. I wanted to go down and check the place out but he said if I chose to stay he wouldn't come down with me. So yes the fact that he's being selfish makes me think a little bit.
    But I also have to stop to think since I was 15 I've been with a guy. I dated a guy for a little over a year and then when we broke up I was with a different guy right away which was a messed up situation because my dad had just committed suicide and I just felt like I needed someone. And then I got with my current boyfriend.
    I feel like I haven't given myself any time to be me. I didn't really give myself time to be happy with just myself before bringing someone else into the mix.
  • Aug 21, 2012, 03:15 PM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Amyyforthestars View Post
    No, like I said before right now the problem is me. I have two jobs now and I got a raise at my first one so between the two I'm making almost $1000 a week so money isn't the issue. And yes that may make it a little more difficult to say yes I'll marry you but it wouldn't be enough to make me break up with him. Like I said I still love him and I want to be with him, but just not right now. I need time to just do me right now. And Ive asked him how he would feel about a break for a couple weeks so I can just get out of here for awhile. I was offered a job in Kansas doing the same thing I'm doing here for $16 more than what I make here and I'm making almost $11 an hour here. I wanted to go down and check the place out but he said if I chose to stay he wouldn't come down with me. So yes the fact that hes being selfish makes me think a little bit.
    But I also have to stop to think since I was 15 I've been with a guy. I dated a guy for a little over a year and then when we broke up I was with a different guy right away which was a messed up situation because my dad had just committed suicide and I just felt like I needed someone. And then I got with my current boyfriend.
    I feel like I haven't given myself any time to be me. I didnt really give myself time to be happy with just myself before bringing someone else into the mix.

    If you can make $27/hour without a college education, at 19, that should be a factor, particularly if your boyfriend's career is delivering pizzas.

    If you feel you need more time and space or it's "just not now," tell him - don't string him along.

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