Ask Me Help Desk - I need my husband back

My husband just died 8weeks ago I feel empty inside I loved him more than anything in the world I miss him so very much I cry all the time I feel so lost and lonely wethought him I just want to feel his armes round me again and feel him kissing my face we were always together now I have nothing as the only thing that meant anything to me has gone what am I sappot to do now

It always breaks my heart when I read someone's story about the loss of a loved one. I know it's really hard, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

It's probably going to take a long time to get over it. The healing process is a long and slow one. Maybe you should consider seeing a grief therapist. A professional would be able to better help you.

I wish you all the best and hope that you find peace in your heart.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, losing my husband is a nightmare I hope I'll never have to experience.

I did lose both my parents within 6 months of each other. Somehow I feel silly even mentioning them. The relationship between parents and children isn't the same as that of a spouse. We expect to lose our parents, we hope to die before our spouse.

I can tell you that therapy helped me a great deal when I lost my parents, and if I were unfortunate enough to lose my husband (knock on wood) I would once again seek therapy. Family and friends should also be a major support. Do you have children?

There are support groups, one on one therapy, and so many other options available, and I urge you to take advantage of them.

Time does help, but I won't lie, the pain is always there, under the surface, beneath the smiles. But, you are able to smile after a while, and you do find a way to go on.

Again, I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smallestone

My husband just died 8weeks ago I feel empty inside I loved him more than anything in the world I miss him so very much I cry all the time I feel so lost and lonley wethought him I just want to feel his armes round me again and feel him kissing my face we were always together now I have nothing as the only thing that ment anything to me has gone what am I sappot to do now

I'm a widow. I can only tell you my experience. Yours may or may not be the same. Grief varies person to person.

When your husband dies your world as you know it comes to an end in many ways. When it's anyone else you still get to go home with your husband and grieve. When it's your husband, "home" is no longer the same place.

Eight weeks is a very short time and a very long time - both of them. A short time to even begin to heal, and, as I recall, an endless number of days.

The first thing you truly need to do is take care of yourself - that might involve doing something to stay busy, doing nothing, joining a group (which did not work for me), going into counselling, going to bed early, doing whatever helps you hold things together. Some people believe going out helps, gets their mind off their loss. I found that wherever I went all I thought about was my husband. We had been to some places together; when it was a place we had never been together I thought about how much he would have enjoyed it. It might be the same for you. It might be different.

I can tell you it eventually gets better, it eventually gets easier. No question - your life is never the same again. I'm not saying life doesn't get "good" again. I'm just saying it will never be the same.

People who have never lost a spouse will tell you they know how you feel. They don't.

I found that the people who helped me the most listened to me - just listened. I remember months and months after my husband died I was having coffee with a neighbor and she mentioned something funny he had done, I laughed - and I felt so guilty about laughing when he was dead that I went into another downward spiral.

Grief is like walking through a mindfield. You just never know which step you take is going to send things spiralling.

But I promise - it will get better. It will take time. You need to grieve in a manner that gives you peace.

I'm so sorry for your loss. When I read this I remembered all over again -

If you feel you can do it, why don't you tell us about him, why he was a good husband, what kind of man he was?

I'm so sorry.

I'm utterly speachless! Thing is... I lost the one true love about 15 yrs ago. I read your post and was in tears before the end. I'm a 45 yr old man that is still madly in love with someone 15 yrs in my past. I've given up dating, I live alone and just work and filled the void by being the go to guy for literally hundreds of people. If someone needs a service from mechanical, spiritual, or just a hug or maybe a few bucks... well then Rob's(ME) your guy. I haven't even dated in 7 yrs. I've come to the realization that I will NEVER have THATmagic again! I'm old fashoned... I believe in true love, and would give anything and everything to have it again!! I realize that this isn't really advice for you as much as it is a pain sharing experience, because ther's really nothing that anybody can say or do to take what your feeling away. Trust me... I know!! I think that I avoid the many chances to be with another woman that I receive... because I just can't bear the thought of going through it again. "Better to have loved then lost...then to have never loved at all"... BULL!!

I feel your pain love.. I remember at 8 weeks I still felt as if I was living in a dream.. nothing was a reality for me. You finally come out of it and I am now at my 8 month mark and its still harder then ever.. I found my dream came to a reality at about 4 months and since then I have been stuck in a rut... This month has been the worst for me.. You work so hard to build yourself up from losing the love of your life then one day you crumble again and have to pick up the pieces.. I have came to realize that you have to move on without them. You can't look back at your old life because what you were and what you had is now gone and you have to find the new you and start all over again. Its hard and I myself still haven't even begun to start it but I know it has to be done. I recently started looking at old videos and photos of him and I lost it and realized I need to box those things up and move on. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you find happiness again but I wonder if I ever will.