My wife and I have had numerous situations with our 19 year old. He just recently got pulled over and the police found pot and scales in the car but hasn't arrested him yet. We also have caught him smoking pot or skunk weed in his room when his buddies come over especially. He also has purchased beer and is drinking that in his room. We have talked to him so many times but haven't gotten anywhere. He has a job and goes to work each day but doesn't contribute to anything in the house as far as living there. This all started about 3 to 4 years ago and has gotten worse. He blows all of his paychecks on partying and food and hardly ever respects us at all. Basically he is trying to run the house. He goes as he pleases sometimes staying out till 3 or 4 in the morning. What in the world do we need to do?

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Originally Posted by helpmayday

What in the world do we need to do?

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Hello help:

Relax... He's just being 19. What you CAN do, is evict him... He's an adult.

excon

Well I'm 18 myself. I'm not going to sit her and say I never did such a thing but drugs was one of my big things. But I had more fear in my parents than anything. Not because they beat me or anything like that but I had gotten caught once with something like that by parents and they had called the cops on me and had them come have a talk with me. But also on the other hand my parents have always told me that you can't help someone that doesn't want it. Simple fact you have to show him something that he really wants that he has to work for to stay clean.

I'm going to be blunt about this though, a big thing for a guy is vagina, and when is the next time he is going to have sex. My parents always went to my girlfriend and told her want they wanted me to do and she would make sure it got done because she had the vagina so she made the rules.

And to the coming home late at night, take his house key from him secretly, say the father, the mother, or even a sibling if there is one needs the key and lock him out one night. The nice way isn't always the best way. I had to learn the hard way myself many of times. And it wasn't fun. I've spent a few night sleeping out in my car because my parents would change the garage code and not tell me until the next day when they would wake up and see me in the front of the house in my car. Or if the car is in your name take it from him. Just because he is 19 doesn't mean you can't ground him.

Why the hell are you keeping him around? You complain that "Basically he is trying to run the house." yet what are you doing to stop it? Talking to him isn't going to solve anything. You need to kick his ungrateful butt to the curb and show him a little responsibility.

Sometimes a little tough love is necessary.

He should be paying $300/mo rent and chip in 1/3 of the groceries and utilities. Or get out. He's taking advantage because you LET him. That's what many teens do!
Print out a rental contract with penalty for failure to pay of EVICTION and then proceed with the eviction the very first time he doesn't pay.

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Originally Posted by dhitze

well im 18 myself. ... im going to be blunt about this though, a big thing for a guy is vagina, and when is the next time he is going to have sex. my parents always went to my girlfriend and told her want they wanted me to do and she would make sure it got done because she had the vagina so she made the rules.

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Just so I understand this in order to get you to obey the rules or help around the house your parents told your girlfriend not to have sex with you unless/until you did what they wanted?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Just so I understand this in order to get you to obey the rules or help around the house your parents told your girlfriend not to have sex with you unless/until you did what they wanted?

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Exactly what I was thinking.

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Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

Exactly what I was thinking.

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- And so the wait for a response begins.

That certainly is creative parenting. Note that he's 18 NOW. Wonder when the "girlfriend/sex" conversation happened.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

- And so the wait for a response begins.

That certainly is creative parenting. Note that he's 18 NOW. Wonder when the "girlfriend/sex" conversation happened.

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I just thought it was a very immature answer for such a serious question.