My boyfriend and I have been together for two plus years... we got engaged.. n every time he's mad he asks for the ring back.. he's broken up with me several times.. he's moved in and out a few times.. of my apt... he didnr even spend new years with me.. after we made up the day before.. he went to hisfriends house then a strip club.. he never wants to take me out.. is excuse is I'm jealous.. when he gets crazy if I wear shorts outside... I cook and cater to him.. I guess I feel like I love him.. he's 35 and I'm 31.. he never calls or texts
And the last time he moved out which was a month ago.. he still comes by everynite.. but stays on the laptop n plays his games.. when I break up with him.. over his lies.. he comes crying outside n pleads for my forgiveness. He won't leave until I let him in.. he puts me down a lot n for some reason has no respect for me.. now I'm not ugly.I'm a very attractive woman.. tall and in good shape.. I'm exotic.. not to tute my own horn.. I'm just confused.. like after we have sex.. hell wait until I fall asleep so he can get up yo master ate on porn.there's so much more.. for my birthday he got mad at me and smacked me... he gave me nothing.. didn't even wish me HB... I feel lost.. dazedand tired.. I don't think I everbeen in love before.. I feel like I'm in li e with him... oh n he never wants to cuddle or sit too close with me on the couch.. he acts like he's doing me a favor even being there.. I asked him to hold me in bed one night.. he said "what are you nuts.. go find a herb for that... I mean he helps with bills.. but is very cheap... u basically pay a the bills.. when he lived with me.. and when he goes food shopping he not only complains about spending his money.. but he gets food he eats.. never asks me what I want.. asking him for Duckin donuts.. its like he's doing me a big favor or a privilege... I'm sorry.but thus is the first time I'm speaking out.. and I'm upset n nervous.. can someone tell me what's going on... he also was invited to some BBQ today.n told me he's taking me.. then he said he's nit going.. that he's going hknw.. one of my friends saw him there.?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by nikkisweet2323

My boyfriend and I have been together for two plus years...we got engaged..n every time he's mad he asks for the ring back..he's broken up with me several times..he's moved in and out a few times..of my apt...he didnr even spend new years with me..after we made up the day before..he went to hisfriends house then a strip club..he never wants to take me out..is excuse is I'm jealous..when he gets crazy if I wear shorts outside...I cook and cater to him..I guess I feel like I love him..he's 35 and I'm 31..he never calls or texts
And the last time he moved out which was a month ago..he still comes by everynite..but stays on the laptop n plays his games..when I break up with him..over his lies..he comes crying outside n pleads for my forgiveness. He won't leave until I let him in..he puts me down a lot n for some reason has no respect for me..now I'm not ugly.I'm a very attractive woman..tall and in good shape..I'm exotic..not to tute my own horn..I'm just confused..like after we have sex..hell wait til I fall asleep so he can get up yo master ate on porn.there's so much more..for my birthday he got mad at me and smacked me...he gave me nothing..didn't even wish me HB...I feel lost..dazedand tired..I don't think I everbeen in love before..I feel like I'm in li e with him...oh n he never wants to cuddle or sit too close with me on the couch..he acts like he's doing me a favor even being there..I asked him to hold me in bed one night..he said "what are you nuts..go find a herb for that...I mean he helps with bills..but is very cheap...u basically pay a the bills..when he lived with me..and when he goes food shopping he not only complains about spending his money..but he gets food he eats..never asks me what I want..asking him for Duckin donuts..its like hes doing me a big favor or a privelege...I'm sorry.but thus is the first time I'm speaking out..and I'm upset n nervous..can someone tell me what's going on....he also was invited to some BBQ today.n told me he's taking me.. then he said he's nit going..that he's going hknw..one of my friends saw him there.????????

---

You can't be abused/humiliated/insulted/played a SECOND time unless you participate in the abuse/humiliation/insults/playing.

No one but him knows what's going on.

You're in a relationship with him. Ask him.

You know he lies. He's insensitive. He may or may not be cheating. He's insanely jealous. Why are you still with him? I don't see one word about why he's a good fiance/boyfriend.

You aren't in love if you are miserable. You are waiting for him to appreciate you and can't seem to break up with him until he does. Your feeling of 'love' is just the need to feel loved but it's HURT that you feel. That makes you a masochist. Break up and when he cries outside your door, call the cops. He enjoys the power he has over you and you have to break the habit. And then find out what inside of you is so willing to put up with this.

Break up with him. You keep allowing him to do this to you and that has sent him the message that it's OK to do. It's not OK but you keep taking him back. Put an end to it, respect yourself, and get rid of him once and for all.

There are better men out there

Thank u so much but why does he do this.. n still says he loves me.n cones over every night..

Why, why, there are many reasons people do this! Often they grew up in homes where there was nothing but non stop fighting and mental cruelty and hurt, mom crying or yelling, dad hitting and walking out the door, and kids think that is called LOVE because that's all they know! You can't change him. He isn't going to change. He might get therapy if you bar the door and refuse to talk with him. The question is, why do YOU keep thinking this is love?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by nikkisweet2323

thank u so much but why does he do this..n still says he loves me.n cones over every night..

---

Because it's easier than seeking out someone else for sex every night. He knows you'll answer the door when he knocks.

I think I'm still in love with him.. yes he's a very troubled life.. I felt bad for him... I don't think he loves me.. Im confused.. I just want us both to go our desperate ways.. even though it will hurt me.. now we haven't spoken for days because he lied
To me.. and of course I will ignore his calls.. but then I see him already in my head like always.. him at my window shouting my name.. begging me to see him.. n screaming he loves me..? what??

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by nikkisweet2323

I think I'm still in love with him..yes he's a a very troubled life..I felt bad for him...I don't think he loves me..Im confused..I just want us both to go our desperate ways..even though it will hurt me..now we haven't spoken for days because he lied
to me..and ofcourse I will ignore his calls..but then I see him already in my head like always..him at my window shouting my name..begging me to see him..n screaming he loves me..????what????

---

But what I don't get is.. why he couldn't take me to a BBQ.. where all his friends and there girls were going to be... he made me try on 6-7 different alphats before he approved.. we planned to go that Sunday.. but instead he says he's nit going and wants to go to his house alone.. I find out he's there... why does he always do this to me... he doesn't like taking me anywhere...

But sometimes
Most plenty of times.he doest want sex... we just have dinner n hangout... I guess at times when I'm mad at him I wouldn't
Want sex with him n the next day.. he gets nasty.. n rude...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by nikkisweet2323

But sometimes
most plenty of times.he doest want sex...we just have dinner n hangout... I guess at times when I'm mad at him I wouldn't
want sex with him n the next day..he gets nasty..n rude...

---

And why are you still with him?

It seems like if he is there for the company but not really in a way. He treats you like crap, he doesn't seem to care and when you get mad at him he pleads and all because he knows that no matter what you will open the door. There are better men out there than him. Don't get treated that way. Break up with him. You deserve so much better. Just letting you know that I've gone through that and it might be that you are scared of being alone and needing to start over but it will be the best thing that you could do.

My ex was like that and when he would leave I would beg and cry him not to. He only cared about himself. He was cheating and lied all the time and I was blind. Until one day he got so jealous, saying that I was selfish and that I always lied to him and that I was cheating on him, that he hit me and choked me in the closet, only to find out that it was the other way around and he was talking about himself but blaming me for it. I kicked him out my apartment and after he realized what he had done he came back pleading and begging for me to take him back because he had no one else but me and I was strong enough to say NO, even though I was still in love with him but I wasn't going to put myself through that again. I changed my phone number and moved to a different apartment and now Im with a great man that appreciates me for who I am and the things I've done for him. It took me 3years but Im super happy knowing that I have someone by my side that won't abuse me in any way, shape or form.

I hope this helps.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by M2125

... I changed my phone number and moved to a different apartment and now Im with a great man that appreciates me for who I am and the things I've done for him. It took me 3years but Im super happy knowing that I have someone by my side that wont abuse me in any way, shape or form. I hope this helps.

---

When you post on AMHD other people who post look up profiles, history, just to see what has come before, to get a better understanding.

Sorry, but you don't sound super happy over here - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ng-696125.html

Makes this advice sort of questionable, although I do agree with the "moving on" part.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by M2125

It seems like if he is there for the company but not really in a way. He treats you like crap, he doesnt seem to care and when you get mad at him he pleads and all because he knows that no matter what you will open the door. There are better men out there than him. Dont get treated that way. Break up with him. You deserve so much better. Just letting you know that I've gone through that and it might be that you are scared of being alone and needing to start over but it will be the best thing that you could do.

My ex was like that and when he would leave I would beg and cry him not to. He only cared about himself. He was cheating and lied all the time and I was blind. Until one day he got soo jealous, saying that I was selfish and that I always lied to him and that i was cheating on him, that he hit me and choked me in the closet, only to find out that it was the other way around and he was talking about himself but blaming me for it. I kicked him out my apartment and after he realized what he had done he came back pleading and begging for me to take him back because he had no one else but me and I was strong enough to say NO, even tho I was still in love with him but I wasnt going to put myself through that again. I changed my phone number and moved to a different apartment and now Im with a great man that appreciates me for who I am and the things I've done for him. It took me 3years but Im super happy knowing that I have someone by my side that wont abuse me in any way, shape or form.

I hope this helps.

---

Thank you so much.. it does help.. because when I caught him texting some girl.. he got crazy and smacked me saying it was my fault...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

And why are you still with him?

---

I guess you could say that I was blinded by love.. but I'm realizing that he's just a user and a abuser.I guess reaching out helpsme a lot.. thank you so much.. there is still a long process of healing... but first I have to find the strength not to let him back in my life
.. I pray and ask god to give me strength.. and not to be so afraid.. of moving on

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by nikkisweet2323

I guess you could say that I was blinded by love..but I'm realizing that he's just a user and a abuser.I guess reaching out helpsme a lot..thank you so much..there is still a long process of healing...but first I have to find the strength not to let him back in my life
..I pray nd ask god to give me strength.. and not to be so afraid..of moving on

---

Unfortunately it's going to hurt - and it's going to hurt for a while.

The only solution is to stay strong and avoid him -

Sometimes it takes a while to get to see the "real" person.

Come back and share as the process goes along.

[QUOTE=JudyKayTee;3247024]Unfortunately it's going to hurt - and it's going to hurt for a while.

The only solution is to stay strong and avoid him -yes I will thank you.. its the weekend and he thinks he'd going to call me tomm like nothing happen.. that's when I'm going to end it officially.but should I text it it tell him over the phone.I definitely
Dobt want to see him.. it will make it much harder.

Well I'm not trying to make you make a decision that you feel is not right but I think he sounds like a jerk I have had a boyfriend kind of like this and he doesn't love you I don't think and dose he get sex when he comes over if so I think he may be using you for that or maybe your apartment I think you should find a real man that won't put you down or make you hurt also that won't hit you I honestly beloved if he really loved you he would respect you and treat you like a queen no matter what or maybe have a talk with him and tell him what hurts you and what he needs to change so to speak and maybe ask him if there's anything you can do and if he don't change I say leave him

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lisaboo55

Well I'm not trying to make u make a decision that you feel is not right but I think he sounds like a jerk I have had a boyfriend kinda like this and he dosnt love u I don't think and dose he get sex when he comes over if so I think he may be using u for that or maybe your apartment I think you should find a real man that wont put u down or make u hurt also that wont hit you I honestly beloved if he really loved you he would respect u and treat u like a queen no matter what or maybe have a talk with him and tell him what hurts you and what he needs to change so to speak and maybe ask him if there's anything u can do and if he don't change I say leave him

---

yes.. I've tried that talking thing with him for two years.. when he'd at my place.. I basically cook for him to.while he's on the laptop all day n night... then at night.. its if he wants sex only.. and never want to take me out... also puts me down all the time.I know now that he must be using me.. I guess I was blinded by love for 2 years... its sad... but I'm going to be string and move on..