Ask Me Help Desk - Family Situation!

Okay I live on my own with my daughter and fiancé. My younger sister who is 18 years old just got kicked out of my parents house for who knows what. She asked me recently if she could stay with my family until she can afford an apartment. I'm not sure if I should tell her yes or no. We have enough room because we live in a house. And my younger brother also lived with us for a short period until he got on his feet.

My only concern is that she finds him attractive and every time she'd come over I notice she would check him out from head to toe literally. I haven't told my fiancé about it but I actually see her do this. I trust my fiancé and she's not competition or anything but she's a pretty darn good liar. I just don't want her to try to come on to him or anything like that. That's why I want to tell her no. And if I do say yes and that happens I would blame myself because I have the say so on this one because she's my sister. But at the same time I want to tell her yes because I will be here everyday all day because I just had my daughter 3 months ago and I'm staying home with her and working an at home job. And they wouldn't be here alone period. And my mom and dad would say no because this is my family and they don't think I should ever invite another woman to live here with us whether I trust them or my fiancé or not. They believe in the don't have too many women or men for that matter in our relationship. Sounds crazy but true.

So what should I tell her?? Any advice would be nice and helpful. Thanks in advance. I just don't want to be wrong in saying yes or no. And I think we are her last option.

I'd scout around for a women's shelter for her or some other option. Are you in a rural area or near a larger town that would have a shelter or resources for her? Are there social workers hanging around you could connect her to?

I think your talk to your guy, and be honest about your concerns.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I'd scout around for a women's shelter for her or some other option. Are you in a rural area or near a larger town that would have a shelter or resources for her? Are there social workers hanging around you could connect her to?

I'm pretty sure there are somewhere probably downtown somewhere. I know there's a red cross close around here and a salvation army that's about it but I pretty sure there is. Thank you I didn't think of that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think your talk to your guy, and be honest about your concerns.

I talked to him about it before but I never thought it would actually happen. It's crazy!

Its not a good idea to take in someone when the parents have booted them out. If she cannot obey, or abide by her own parents she darn sure will be the same way to you.

Why was she booted out? What does your boyfriend think? The big thing here is your lack of trust and a solution would be some very strict rules of good behavior. AND a non negotiable time frame. Or say NO, and blame your boyfriend, after you tell him of course.

I know, not exactly honest. But there is another chain of thought here to as maybe your parents want her to face the fact she will have no where to go and she must obey the rules to stay. For that reason only I say deny her living with you.

Tough call.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Its not a good idea to take in someone when the parents have booted them out. If she cannot obey, or abide by her own parents she darn sure will be the same way to you.

Why was she booted out? What does your boyfriend think? The big thing here is your lack of trust and a solution would be some very strict rules of good behavior. AND a non negotiable time frame. Or say NO, and blame your boyfriend, after you tell him of course.

I know, not exactly honest. But there is another chain of thought here to as maybe your parents want her to face the fact she will have no where to go and she must obey the rules to stay. For that reason only I say deny her living with you.

Tough call.

Thank you for your honesty. And she wouldn't listen and has a very nasty attitude and smart mouth.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Its not a good idea to take in someone when the parents have booted them out. If she cannot obey, or abide by her own parents she darn sure will be the same way to you.

Why was she booted out? What does your boyfriend think? The big thing here is your lack of trust and a solution would be some very strict rules of good behavior. AND a non negotiable time frame. Or say NO, and blame your boyfriend, after you tell him of course.

I know, not exactly honest. But there is another chain of thought here to as maybe your parents want her to face the fact she will have no where to go and she must obey the rules to stay. For that reason only I say deny her living with you.

Tough call.

My fiancé doesn't want her to do anything wrong if she has no one else to turn to. We were her last resort. My sister has four older siblings that's including myself. One can't help and the other two said no and I'm leaning more towards no. Everyone has a family now and don't want to deal with her attitude and smart mouth and the fact that she won't listen to anyone and wants to do her thing own her own time whenever she wants. She's very adamant. He thought to give her a chance and I felt the same way. My older siblings are telling me to not let her stay with us. And exactly what you said about her having face the fact that whe will have no where to go and she must obey their rules to stay. My siblings said the same thing. And the fact that she has no license or car.

When some one asks me for shelter to get on there feet, my first question is HOW LONG? Essentially what she is asking is for free room and board, which takes away from providing for you and yours.

Any friend she has probably told her there was no free ride, and familiy members have to be the same way,bottom line,soquestion that define strict guideline often lead to the asker looking at different altenatives.

As long as you say what you mean, and mean what you say. Right or wrong, its choice she has to make for herself. Let her, just make sure she knows where you are coming from, be it yes,or NO!!