Ask Me Help Desk - My wife wants a separation. What should I do?

My wife has told me that she does not love me anymore. She says that she wants a separation. She has said this once before and I was out of the house for a month until we tried to work things out. We have a soon to be 2 year old son together whom I love dearly and can't fathom being away from. I took a lot of things for granted and did not do my share of the house hold chores. I also would get upset at very stupid things and snap at her.

Since I moved back in I have stopped that and tried to pick up more of my slack around the house. She says that what I'm doing now is still not good enough. I asked if things are getting better and she says yes... Are they worse? She says no. My wife says she no longer loves me and has shut off. That she needs to find herself. I don't want to loose her, by giving her space I feel like I'm giving up. I want to be able to talk things over and push past the rough times.

We have only been married for a little over a year. I know marriage is not easy but I'm willing to work it out no matter what while she quick to jump to separation/divorce. I feel helpless and that there is nothing I can do to change things. I'm not the type of person to stand aside and let things go. What should I do?

Quote:

Originally Posted by 19confuse85

My wife has told me that she does not love me anymore. She says that she wants a seperation. She has said this once before and I was out of the house for a month until we tried to work things out. We have a soon to be 2 year old son together whom I love dearly and can't fathum being away from. I took a lot of things for granted and did not do my share of the house hold chores. I also would get upset at very stupid things and snap at her. Since I moved back in I have stopped that and tried to pick up more of my slack around the house. She says that what I'm doing now is still not good enough. I asked if things are getting better and she says yes... Are they worse? She says no. My wife says she no longer loves me and has shut off. That she needs to find herself. I don't want to loose her, by giving her space I feel like I'm giving up. I want to be able to talk things over and push past the rough times. We have only been married for a little over a year. I know marriage is not easy but I'm willing to work it out no matter what while she quick to jump to seperation/divorce. I feel helpless and that there is nothing I can do to change things. I'm not the type of person to stand aside and let things go. What should I do?

I don't know what "I'm not the type of person to stand aside and let things go" means in a marriage. I do know that you can't make someone love you, stay with you,l talk to you.

She was unhappy enough to ask you to leave and willing to try again. She is (apparently) still unhappy. It takes a long time to believe that the person who did little around the house, gets up and snaps at you has changed.

It doesn't sound like she came to this decision quickly or overnight.

Have you tried counselling, either alone or together?

"'m not the type of person to stand aside and let things go". I guess I'm trying to say I can't just give up on us without trying to make things better. We have gone tocouncelling( she didn't want to) and we found that the lady would talk more about herslef than helping us with our own issues to discontinued.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 19confuse85

"'m not the type of person to stand aside and let things go". I guess I'm trying to say I can't just give up on us without trying to make things better. We have gone tocouncelling( she didn't want to) and we found that the lady would talk more about herslef than helping us with our own issues to discontinued.

Then you need to find someone else. The first "fit" isn't always the best.

You may have gotten lucky the first time you left, and gotten a second chance. But the second time she has asked you for space, instead of talking it out, you better heed the warning and plan a different life. Are you smothering or controlling? What's your social life like? Why don't you know what kind of space she needs, and give it to her?

How old are you both and how long had you been together before you had your child?

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

You may have gotten lucky the first time you left, and gotten a second chance. But the second time she has asked you for space, instead of talking it out, you better heed the warning and plan a different life. Are you smothering or controling? Whats your social life like? Why don't you know what kind of space she needs, and give it to her?

How old are you both and how long had you been together before you had your child?

I am not smootherin nor controlling I'm a very laid back guy. I am 27 she is 25. Our social life is lacking since we had our son. We were together 2 yrs before my son came along. I'm going to give her the space she needs as I'm currently looking for a place to rent.

That's a reasonable solution until more is revealed. I wish you much luck guy!