Ask Me Help Desk - Extremely hurt and frustrated

I'm super hurt and frustrated because of my dear grandmother. It's really sad how it came to this point, but I must say we were extremely close because I'm her only granddaughter and she's the only grandparent I have alive. Anyway, I made this huge mistake by not giving her one of my graduation photos along with her siblings and my uncle (dad's brother), and she got extremely upset. She called me one day and told me that she was very hurt and began to cry over the phone. She couldn't really talk to she told me she had to hang up. I did say that I was super sorry, and I did what she asked the next day because I felt bad (she now has the graduation photo). And I felt awful for the next few days. She called me a few times after that (day or two after the incident) but I didn't want to answer because I didn't want to get upset just in case she said something that ruined my day (since that call ruined my day). Plus I had classes and other things I needed to get done and I didn't want to be upset during those times.

Anyway, I noticed afterwards, she became extremely distant with me. I had to stay with her for the past few days because my house was getting fumigated. She still does things like she used to - buy me my favorite ice cream, open the windows for me, and make sure that I have towels for my bath (she does like spoiling me) but now she does it with a frown practically. Sometimes when I say thank you nicely, she just says "mmm" which is not like her. When she opens the door, she has this mad look on her face. She also tends to avoid me, doesn't say good morning or good night to me, and doesn't really eat with me anymore unless I have other family coming over. We don't talk during the day either. It just kind of hurts seeing her like this. I'm the type that covers up my feelings a bit, and I try to be happy and stuff. I know that she's hurt, but it's hard when I'm hurt as well. I really don't want to do a "sit down and talk" thing because I'm just too hurt right now to do that.

What broke me was today. Today was the last day I was staying there, and I had to go on this orientation cruise for college. Apparently I was supposed to pack my belongings because I was leaving her place after the cruise, which I didn't know of. I practically got scolded by my dad saying that I should've packed in the morning, and also by my grandma who never scolds me saying that I should've done this before when it was just bad miscommunication. It just hurts that all she did the past few days was avoid me and the only time we talk is if it's something important or apparently if she wants to scold me. I can't even look at her in the eyes anymore. Advice?

It sounds like she is dragging this out far too long. You said you were sorry, and it was only a photograph. Does she do this sort of thing with other family members?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

It sounds like she is dragging this out far too long. You said you were sorry, and it was only a photograph. Does she do this sort of thing with other family members?

I'm not sure because she wouldn't tell me if that were the case.

No family gossip that Grandma is holding back with her hugs again, or some such?

If you can, just carry on. If she were my mother or mother-in-law, I would nicely confront her and talk it out. Not sure what I would do with my grandma (died in 1958). I was the first grandchild and also her little princess and favorite grandchild. We too had a special bond, and she would take me on the train into Chicago to shop in the Loop for a whole day plus eat lunch at a fancy restaurant. If I remember correctly (it was a few years ago... ), I'd just avoid her if she got into a snit about something. I saw her for only two weeks every summer, since we lived 1,000 miles apart, so I'm sure I must have tried to make things right with her.

I don't understand your grandmother's long spell of crying over this and her current attitude. I'm guessing she has done this before with others as a controlling thing, or maybe acting like a martyr ("poor me") to get sympathy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

No family gossip that Grandma is holding back with her hugs again, or some such?

If you can, just carry on. If she were my mother or mother-in-law, I would nicely confront her and talk it out. Not sure what I would do with my grandma (died in 1958). I was the first grandchild and also her little princess and favorite grandchild. We too had a special bond, and she would take me on the train into Chicago to shop in the Loop for a whole day plus eat lunch at a fancy restaurant. If I remember correctly (it was a few years ago....), I'd just avoid her if she got into a snit about something. I saw her for only two weeks every summer, since we lived 1,000 miles apart, so I'm sure I must have tried to make things right with her.

I don't understand your grandmother's long spell of crying over this and her current attitude. I'm guessing she has done this before with others as a controlling thing, or maybe acting like a martyr ("poor me") to get sympathy.

Not that I'm aware about. Well that's what I'm doing at the moment, hoping that she has a change of heart sometime (hoping). It's hard because I'm practically forced to go to her house every Sunday (family tradition thing) to eat. Although I can easily avoid her during that time by going into another room or such.

I think she's a bit sensitive in a way and is the type to hold onto things such as this, but I'm kind of the opposite in a way. I'm sensitive as well, but depending on things I can just simply move on... although it took a lot of practice for me to do so. Well I hope that this passes sometime soon... thank you for answering though!