Ask Me Help Desk - No court order and want to move with my child

My daughters father and I split in 2009 and shortly after he lost his job and wasn't working. A year later my company was bought out, so I looked for a new job, in the city we lived in and back hom in Toronto where my family was because I had no family where we live, Buffalo, NY. I explained to my daughters father that I wanted to move back, and he agreed to it. But we worked out our own visitation, since we were still civil. We never went through court for custody or visitation. We moved back to Toronto, he was seeing her regularly every other weekend, and he had her for american thanksgiving, every other christmas, easter, and birthday, and if she was off from school on Friday or Monday of his weekend he could choose to keep her the extra time. He got engaged in January and filed for custody right after, they broke up in March, and he gave me the custody papers, and said he wasn't going through with it anymore because he needed to get his life in order. He called me and told me he cancelled the custody hearing so I didn't need to go, I still went, just in case, and sure enough it wasn't cancelled and he didn't show. THey dismissed it because he filed in Buffalo instead of where we lived in Toronto because we lived there for more than 6 months. In May we started talking about trying to reconcile, and by July he asked me to move back, cut my lease short, and give up my good paying job, my daughter was supposed to start french immersion school in September, which is an amazing oppportunity, but I thought he was genuine, and we moved back in September. Everything was good, until I went away to Florida in February and came home to find out he cheated, so we split. He moved out of the house, we bought it the first time we were together, and he agreed to pay the mortgage as his child support to keep me from moving back to Toronto with my daughter. I desperately want to go back to Toronto but I know he is going to fight me on it. It's not like it's that far away, only and hour and a half, and the only thing he will miss out on is seeing her every Tuesday and Thursday after school for an hour and a half. But he would get her for the entire summer, except I would get her every other weekend, if we moved back to toronto. I've calculated the hours, and I can prove that he would see her almost double the amount of time in a year then he would if we remained in Buffalo, and we've already lived there and made it work. Does any one have advice on if they think I would be able to move back to toronto?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Myangel829

My daughters father and I split in 2009 and shortly after he lost his job and wasn't working. A year later my company was bought out, so I looked for a new job, in the city we lived in and back hom in Toronto where my family was because I had no family where we live, Buffalo, NY. I explained to my daughters father that I wanted to move back, and he agreed to it. But we worked out our own visitation, since we were still civil. We never went through court for custody or visitation. We moved back to Toronto, he was seeing her regularly every other weekend, and he had her for american thanksgiving, every other christmas, easter, and birthday, and if she was off from school on friday or monday of his weekend he could choose to keep her the extra time. He got engaged in january and filed for custody right after, they broke up in March, and he gave me the custody papers, and said he wasn't going through with it anymore because he needed to get his life in order. He called me and told me he cancelled the custody hearing so I didn't need to go, I still went, just in case, and sure enough it wasn't cancelled and he didn't show. THey dismissed it because he filed in Buffalo instead of where we lived in Toronto because we lived there for more than 6 months. In May we started talking about trying to reconcile, and by july he asked me to move back, cut my lease short, and give up my good paying job, my daughter was supposed to start french immersion school in september, which is an amazing oppportunity, but I thought he was genuine, and we moved back in september. Everything was good, until I went away to florida in February and came home to find out he cheated, so we split. He moved out of the house, we bought it the first time we were together, and he agreed to pay the mortgage as his child support to keep me from moving back to Toronto with my daughter. I desperately want to go back to Toronto but I know he is going to fight me on it. It's not like its that far away, only and hour and a half, and the only thing he will miss out on is seeing her every tuesday and thursday after school for an hour and a half. But he would get her for the entire summer, except I would get her every other weekend, if we moved back to toronto. I've calculated the hours, and I can prove that he would see her almost double the amount of time in a year then he would if we remained in Buffalo, and we've already lived there and made it work. Does any one have advice on if they think I would be able to move back to toronto?

A lot of this is immaterial. Do I have this right - you are not married. There is no Court Order regarding custody and visitation. You lived together in Buffalo, NY. When the relationship broke up you moved to Toronto, Ontario with your daughter. You then reconciled and you and your daughter moved back to Buffalo. You then separated again, he moved out, you and your daughter live in a house you own jointly and he pays the mortgage in lieu of child support. Now you want to move back to Toronto with your daughter.

I don't think the Court is going to agree with the parenting plan you are working on - he won't see her at all during the week? What about weekends? Alternating? I appreciate he'll see her all Summer (except for the alternate weekends she spends with you) but I don't think that will make up for the loss of contact during the week.

I do know if this goes to Court support will be ordered. How you spend it (pay the mortgage, something else) is at your discretion.

I would not go to Court to file or respond without an Attorney. You can make the argument that you have family in Canada or that you have a better job in Canada, but I don't know what the Court will approve or not approve. Part of the concern might be the moving from Buffalo to Canada to Buffalo and back to Canada again.

You need to pass this by an Attorney.

He will see her every other weekend just like he does now. Same set up but instead of him seeing her during the week on tuesdays and thursdays after school, he would get her the whole summer. We were not married, there is no court order.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Myangel829

He will see her every other weekend just like he does now. Same set up but instead of him seeing her during the week on tuesdays and thursdays after school, he would get her the whole summer. We were not married, there is no court order.

The question is whether the Court thinks the "whole Summer" is a reasonable tradeoff for the stability of twice-a-week visitation: Tuesdays/Thursdays after school.

Of course, if he agrees to the new schedule there is no problem.

I think you are going to have a problem with the NY Courts and both the move and the proposed visitation.

I see a lot of back and forth and changes here for the child, and I think the Court is going to look at stability and continuity in the child's life. Seeing her father only on alternate weekends may be determined to not be in the child's best interest.

I'm not saying I think this is how it should be - please understand that. I am also in NY and I know how the Court system works.

I posted about a case I worked on - mother notified father and got his approval for a move from Rochester to Buffalo. She didn't get the approval in writing, father protested AFTER the move. Father took mother to Court and mother lost, the Court deciding that having visitation twice a week on a schedule was important to the child's well being. Mother also lost custody because of the move. Her visitation currently is alternate weekends, two weeks during the summer, alternating holidays.

NY can be tough.