Emotionally abusive... deployment style. Help?
I've never dated anyone in the military before.
He was physically abused as a kid.
My boyfriend is in the army. We'd only been together 3 months before he left for afghanistan for a year, needless to say... we didn't know each other very well. We had a very physical relationship. There was talking, but most of it was done drunk.. and then forgotten. We bonded over cars and TV shows and going out getting drunk. We made a lot of good, fun memories in the short amount of time we got to spend together. And fell in love... it was that whirl-wind military love you read about. Totally awesome.
But now its 6 months into this deployment and we can't seem to stop fighting. About EVERYTHING.
Before he left, he didn't like my job. So I got a new one. It doesn't pay half as much... so now I need 2 jobs.
He keeps trying to give me money and buy me frivilous things... and gets very mad when I don't accept. He says it hurts him... after I explain to him that I'm trying to be independent. Which is completely true, but a lot of it is because I'm scared he'll hold it over my head and make me feel guilty.
He gets upset when I go visit my family. When I hang out with his family. Because if I'm talking to someone else he doesn't get my full attention.
Some times the fights come out of no where... we'll be having a nice conversation and next thing I know he's pissed off that I like fords. (yeah... that was a legit fight of ours)
When we fight he calls me names. Tells me that I don't love him or care about him. Ask me why I'm doing things to make him unhappy. Insist that I know what to do to make him happy (which is normally naked pictures, he says that he misses me and likes to see my body). He'll tell me that our relationship isn't going to work and that he feels its hopeless... and if I agree he gets even more angry and tells me that I was supposed to argue that and tell him its going to be okay and that we will be fine... some times even if I do say that he still insist that we're doomed. He accuses me of cheating and planning to leave him. --i moved in with his mom per his request so he could have "piece of mind" and it was an hour close to my new job than where I was living... so yeah... im not ing cheating--
I'm not allowed to talk to guys... ever. If it cuts into his talking time, he hates when I hang out with my girlfriends (the 2 I still have), my family, or even his family. (sometimes I can make him feel bad about that and he doesn't complain) I'm not allowed to go out. Or drink.
I have to work out at least 5 times a week. Pretty much the only reason I don't have to go to bed at a certain time is because of our time difference and he does want to talk to me.
He claims all of his motives are that he's trying to make us the best we can be. Which I believe... I think I should have high standards but he's so critical of me that I can't stand it.
I've told him its over, knowing that I didn't really want it to be... so he'd convince me to stay. And then make me feel horrible for trying to leave him (that happened twice)
I'm scared to tell him my feelings. He gets mad if I do or do not.
I can't talk to my mom or sister... because they thought this was a bad idea in the first place. I can't talk to HIS mom or sister... because they see how he treats me and want me to leave him. I'm surrounded by negativity in this relationship and expected to stay positive
Yeah, especially after I've seen it outside of my head for the first time ever... I know I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship. But my question is... is it just the deployment making him crazy? Or even though it was beautiful before.. will he still be this way when he gets home?
A lot of times he appologizes and says that its not me... its just where he is.
He'll be home for leave in October. I want to stick it out until then.
Any advice would be amazing.
-xo
