I guess I'm posting on here to be heard right ? I can't talk to anyone , I feel so dark all the time that there is no air in the room. I think about my death so often almost like it is a fantasy. I am destructive I cannot even hold a relationship as my current relationship is doomed just like my others I destroy the people I get involved with and have a strong tendency to alienate the ones around me. I am down and depressed all the time I am on medication and I feel useless I really just want to die.My life gets more painfull by the hour and I really just can't cope anymore

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by wolfgangn

i guess im posting on here to be heard right ? i can't talk to anyone , i feel so dark all the time that there is no air in the room. i think about my death so often almost like it is a fantasy. i am destructive i cannot even hold a relationship as my current relationship is doomed just like my others i destroy the people i get involved with and have a strong tendency to alienate the ones around me. i am down and depressed all the time i am on medication and i feel useless i really just want to die.My life gets more painfull by the hour and i really just can't cope anymore

---

How old are you? It's difficult to know what pressures you are under without knowing your age.

You are on medication. Are you also in therapy or counselling? I'm guessing an anti-depressant has been prescribed. Has anyone suggested that perhaps another medication, another dosage would be helpful?

What has gone so wrong in your life? You say you are in a relationship and have been in other reltionships - it would appear that you do have a social life, do attract "dates," even though the relationships don't last.

Care to share?

I am a 28 year old male . I am in counselling. For some reason I destroy the relationships I get involved in. I do not know how I do it. I am always un happy. Life does not excite me anymore. I have tried to make changes but I always end up hating myself more and more every day I have been hospitalized for attempted suicide and came very close to dying was in critical care for 5 days due to overdose. I feel useless and worthless all the time

Hey Wolfgang. Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time! Good to hear that you are having counselling - is it helping you? Its good to hear that females find you attractive otherwise they would not go out with you - that's a positive as the other lady mentioned. Does the medication help you? Do you have many side effects from the medication?

I sort of know what its like to be in hospital because they put me in a locked ward twice last year and I'm on a depot injection but hey, I still kick on. Lost my house, car, job, income, family, friends but hey I still kick on. There's hope for you yet Wolfgang so don't despair. Don't worry too much about being on medication and being in hospital - you came through it. Wear it like a badge of honour on your shirt! Its all about how you perceive the world and you can change the way you think, feel and act with a little help. Ending it all is a bit of a radical step - there are better options. They say I have a serious mental illness but I go to university, play my guitar at the pub, exercise at the gym, eat healthy. Learn kung fu - even though they inject me every fortnight I still have hope for my future. The same can be true for you. Find a self help group that can help you - they're supportive, non-judgemental, cost nothing and allow you to make friends. It's a good forum to discuss your issues in an environment where you can trust people. Keep up with the counselling. Find things that you are interested in and pursue them. Eat well. Get good sleep. Don't worry about what other people think of you. I hope this helps.