My son and DIL were married for five years. She had a son from a previous relationship. The bio dad has never met him. He knew my son as "daddy" and me as his grandma since he was 8 months old. He is now 6. We had him nearly every day, babysat ALL the time. He was a very huge, daily part of my life and I love him like he is my own blood grandchild. My soon-to-be ex-DIL is in a power snit, so to speak, and she has not been allowing us to see our "grandson" for the past month now. He knows we love him very much and miss him and he misses us and he's been angry and acting out, I think because too much has been taken away from him. Oh, my son and her are pending divorce. They have a 3 year old daughter together and she gets to come visit and brother doesn't understand why he can't. I'm so sad for him and cry every single day. I love him soooo much. Is there ANYthing I can do about this? I've called and left messages with her if we could see him and they go unanswered. My heart is shattered. Him and I had such a loving, special bond. Those babies are my world. I live in Indiana.

Why are they divorcing?

In all honesty, I think they were married too young to begin with. They have just been butting heads more and I think she has just lost interest. She just turned 21 and found she liked going out to the bars with people she loathed at her workplace because they drank. Now she is going with them and dumping her husband. My son wanted to work things out with her, but she just didn't want to. Boredom maybe? All in all, I think they were too young, but now there are babies involved that we love very much. She is 21. My son is 26. Her father is in prison and her mother is an alcoholic, so she never really had bonds of family like we did in ours. She was all about family during the marriage up until she started going out with coworkers. We loved her very much, like our own daughter. She just walked away from it all and her and my son were trying to be very civil at first, but my son got very upset when he found out that she went with bio dad's brother and took the kids peewee golfing. His grandmother had just died the day before and it's almost like she pushed the button with him on purpose. Up until then, she was always wanting my son to "protect" her from his family. So, now they're mad at each other and really not speaking she told him he'd never see "N" again.

How far away does she live? Did they try couples counseling?

No they did not. She isn't interested. She just wants out. She is a very stubborn person, I will say that. We all live in the same town, 10 minutes away from each other.

In all fairness, I should say they are both stubborn, but my son wanted to fix their marriage and is very upset with all of this. I can't even mention N's name around him because there is just nothing we seem to be able to do. His lawyer told him he has no rights whatsoever to N.

Since your son never adopted the child, he may have no legal rights to him. He should talk to the attorney handling the divorce about whether he can get visitation for the boy.

"N" is the boy or the little girl? Apparently, she never had a real teenage either, must have gotten pregnant at 14 and is one very angry young woman anyway, so it doesn't take much to set her off. I fear for what she is filling those kids' heads with.

At what stage is the divorce?

My main concern is with N. My son is the ONLY daddy he's ever known and it seems so unfair to him and my son that she is keeping them apart. My son was more the custodial parent than she was. It was her idea for him to be a stay at home parent while she went to school (which she also quit), and worked, so they wouldn't have to pay daycare. My son did everything with the kids, bathed, cooked, cleaned and did his homework with him. He IS daddy.

Yes, she was pregnant with N, my grandson, when she was 15. A is a little girl and theirs together and is 3. I know what you're saying. I'm afraid every day that he's going to grow up very angry and it's all unnecessary. He is so loved!

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Originally Posted by klnanny

He IS daddy.

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All the more reason to follow Scott's suggestion.

The divorce is almost final. I don't really know what is holding it up actually. I feel like I've had a grandchild who has died or something. I am sooo sad. Yes, it doesn't take much to set her into a snit. I've seen it first hand when they were living with us the first few years of their marriage. We have supplied every possible thing you could imagine to help them/her and all she has to do is get mad at someone and she forgets everything else.

It won't make you feel any better, but my family is going through something similar. The ice was finally broken a month or so ago when the grandmother (my mom) least expected it, so I will think good thoughts and say a few prayers that the ice will break in your situation too.

This is one of those times when I feel that I'm being punished for being nice. I've been praying and praying on this and I just don't know what else to do.

Thank you so much. I truly appreciate it. I've been so sad and stressed, my hair is even falling out in clumps!! I've been trying to take care of myself, but I can't get him out of my mind, or heart. I see his picture of his moochie little face on the wall and cry and cry. I miss him, his hugs and kisses, his "I love you more than the whole world!!"

I'm guessing the pendulum will swing back in your direction. Remember, you have definitely made an impression on this young woman, even though she won't admit it out loud or maybe won't even admit it to herself in the dark of night. Her life will not be going well, it doesn't sound like, and she will eventually turn to the anchor she has needed and held onto in the past.

Meanwhile, take care of yourself (like my mom finally decided to do) and just carry on, so you'll be emotionally and mentally stable if and when the young woman comes back into your life.

The only thing you, as your sons mother, can do is provide testimony to the bond that has developed between your son and her son.