Ask Me Help Desk - Abusive father.

Abusive dad?
My mom died 4 months ago and I am very upset,and so is my dad but I'm finding it impossible to live with him he is extremely short tempered like I walked the wrong way to the car today and he was saying we may as well pack it in if your as silly to do things like that and he shouts at me over anything and smashes things and says you put your mother in her grave.when I tell him he's giving out to me he screams and shouts and smashes things, he's lazy and won't get up and then I get the blame.my lifestyle is screwed up.he always gives out about MY aunties and uncles and never has anything good to say about anyone if I disagree with him he says that I'm trying to start a fight . His niece was coming out yesterday and I asked him what time she would be here at and he screamed at me how am I supposed to no? I seiriously cannot live like this I am an only child and my house is depressing and I can't really get out of it.the only place I'm happy is down the country with my mothers family but

He would probably kill himself, I'm an only child and 14 and I feel so lonely the house is so empty I feel like I'm dying and I just want to but then againn I don't I'm feeling suicidal.

And also I wouldn't say my moms family want me as they have young children themselves.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 0987654321

Abusive dad?
my mom died 4 months ago and i am very upset,and so is my dad but im finding it impossible to live with him he is extremely short tempered like i walked the wrong way to the the car today and he was saying we may aswell pack it in if your as silly to do things like that and he shouts at me over anything and smashes things and says you put your mother in her grave.when i tell him he's giving out to me he screams and shouts and smashes things, he's lazy and wont get up and then i get the blame.my lifestyle is screwed up.he always gives out about MY aunties and uncles and never has anything good to say about anyone if i disagree with him he says that im trying to start a fight . his niece was coming out yesterday and i asked him what time she would be here at and he screamed at me how am i supposed to no?.i seiriously cannot live like this i am an only child and my house is depressing and i can't really get out of it.the only place im happy is down the country with my mothers family but

he would probably kill himself, im an only child and 14 and i feel so lonely the house is so empty i feel like im dying and i just want to but then againn i dont im feeling suicidal.

and also i wouldnt say my moms family want me as they have young children themselves.

Baby please don't give up! I know its hard, I have been there. Life is messed up right now but your moms death isn't your fault, and your father isn't really mad at you! He is just having a break down, he needs help really bad. I know it seems impossible to cope, but he doesn't know what else to do, that's why he is taking it out on you. Your mom's family will care, just pick one that you feel you can talk to and be really honest about what's going on--- they may have kids, but they love you too. Tell them how you feel (suicidal) and about your fathers actions, its not hard to understand and they will only want to help. You need to get out of there until he gets himself together. I know you love him. He may be upset that you left but he I don't think he'd kill himself, he just needs a wake up call. Maybe you leaving will clue him in that he needs help and to get it together, because he's hurting you. My number is 225-719-3351, if you need someone to talk to. I am here, just don't give up. I have been there and it will get better. I know it doesn't seem like it right now but it will. There are a lot of options for you if the mom's family will not work out. There is always people willing to help people in your situation.

You need to tell someone, like a teacher or someone else who can help you. It sounds like your dad is suffering and does not know how to deal with the pain of losing your mother. But please get help! And if the first person you talk to doesn't listen, then keep on talking until someone listens!

Honey, its not your fault but you need to get help. I know you are the kid in this situation but you need to take action here. Your dad is severely depressed and is not dealing with his grief very well but you need to grieve too. Tell a counsellor at school or go to social services. You and your dad both need help. He might be mad at you now that you went for help but in the end when he has learned how to cope with your mom's death then he will realise that it was the only thing you could do. You need to take care of yourself right now, sweetheart. If your mom's family won't take you in, then maybe they can help your dad get help. Some places also look into subsidies for family members that take in a child in your situation. You are nearly old enough to be self-sufficient so you should not be a burden to anyone taking you in. I know my suggestion about social services is scary. They are not there to break up what is left of your family. They can help keep your family together. The intervention of social services might be the shock that your dad needs to realise what he still has in you. They might take you from the home for a while until your dad complies with the orders to seek counselling or maybe even group counselling with you and your dad. They aren't your enemies. They might end up being your only means of helping your dad. If there is a youth organization in town, talk to them about the issue. They will know how to help. Your school counsellor is a valuable resource in your situation, use them. Hang in there and remember that we are always around if you need us.