My wife met a co-worker two months after we got married that was totally unknown to me. There were secret meetings, gifts given by my wife, texts and Facebook messages all kept secret from me. When I accidentally discovered the relationship and was upset she described the guy as a gay friend.
She didn't want me reading the emails etc. but I did and was shocked by the language. Compliment after sweet compliment. We went to one marriage counseling session during which she promised to be open with the friendship and tone down the "language of love". When she broke her promise I was so angry I asked for a divorce. I love my wife but felt betrayed, like I was being played for the fool.
We stayed together after she stopped talking to him cold turkey. That never really happened. The latest message from her to him was about "how wise his eyes are, like he has a question, soulful".
To me that doesn't sound like something a friend says to a friend, it sounds like lovers.
Any advice? We have 2 sons we blended when we married and they are best friends now. A divorce would devastate them which is why I decided to stay in the first place, and I still love her.

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Originally Posted by robd62

My wife met a co-worker two months after we got married that was totally unknown to me. There were secret meetings, gifts given by my wife, texts and facebook messages all kept secret from me. When I accidentally discovered the relationship and was upset she described the guy as a gay friend.
She didn't want me reading the emails etc. but I did and was shocked by the language. Compliment after sweet compliment. We went to one marriage counseling session during which she promised to be open with the friendship and tone down the "language of love". When she broke her promise I was so angry I asked for a divorce. I love my wife but felt betrayed, like I was being played for the fool.
We stayed together after she stopped talking to him cold turkey. That never really happened. The latest message from her to him was about "how wise his eyes are, like he has a question, soulful".
To me that doesn't sound like something a friend says to a friend, it sounds like lovers.
Any advice? We have 2 sons we blended when we married and they are best friends now. A divorce would devastate them which is why I decided to stay in the first place, and I still love her.

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She's the only one who knows if it's an affair, if it's on or off, if it's platonic. She's the only one who can answer your questions.

I'd go back into counselling and see what it is that she finds in her relationship, whatever it is, with him, what she gets from the friendship/relationship.

Of course you probably know by now that he is not gay. That was a stupid lie. She is taking you for a fool.

A gay man does not have an affiar with her, perhaps with you.

She is lying, you can choose to have no self respect and stay or do what you know is right

I should elaborate, his responses to her are always filled with info on fashion, food, decorating, etc. He sends pics of his favorite décors and just lately sent a pic of how he arranged starfish he got from a wedding on his table. Once he complained about wearing white shoes on a rainy day and ruining them and how upset he was.
I think she is in love with him but the feeling isn't necessarily returned. He is 10 years younger, a part time model and came from a beauty salon background.
My problem is her infatuation,she's head over heels for this young, pretty gay guy and can't admit it to herself. It takes time away from us, the family and her job.
I read about an Emotional Affair, I think that's what it is now.

I think you are jealous. You need to find out why your wife enjoys talking to this person rather than spending time with you.
I doubt she is in love with him. Sounds to me like he is a friend she enjoys talking to.

... and why does she have to tell you when she gives a gift to someone. Sounds a bit controlling to me.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

...and why does she have to tell you when she gives a gift to someone. Sounds a bit controlling to me.

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Thank you for your input. I'm actually leaning in this direction now. My sister told me that therapy helped her get through some tough times and encouraged me to get some. She also thinks I'm drifting in to paranoia and controlling behaviour and I've never been this way before. I also need to respect that my wife has been hurt by my accusations but also wants to work on it.
Take care

I wish you well.