Ive been with my partner for 13yrs we have 2 children and he often turns me down when I want sex. I used to get really upset but he reassured me that he loves me. He says things like its messy! It's yucky! Which again makes me feel like ! I would love sex at least once a week but it's more like once a month if I'm lucky. He is really aware of my sexual drive, I've been saying things like maybe I should get me a sex partner. He says fine just don't live here! Is this a common thing with men? He tells me some of his married friends feel the same way as him. Sex isn't everyhing, but I find myself pleassuring myself more then he does.

1 question of my own - Do you love him?

Messy and yucky? How so?

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Originally Posted by JessieDreamboat

1 question of my own - Do you love him?

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Yes I do love him. He's my best mate.

I don't think he's attracted to u anymore.

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Originally Posted by Jeanwilson

Ive been with my partner for 13yrs we have 2 children and he often turns me down when I want sex. I used to get really upset but he reassured me that he loves me. He says things like its messy! it's yucky! which again makes me feel like ! I would love sex at least once a week but it's more like once a month if I'm lucky. He is really aware of my sexual drive, I've been saying things like maybe I should get me a sex partner. He says fine just don't live here! Is this a common thing with men? He tells me some of his married friends feel the same way as him. Sex isn't everyhing, but I find myself pleassuring myself more then he does.

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You're in a relationship with him - presumably you talk about other issues. Talk to him. Does he find messy and yucky?

Is he under stress at work? Has he had a physical checkup?

Personally I find the "... maybe I should get me a sex partner" to be inappropriate. What response did you expect him to have.

I don't like game playing in a relationship.

Ask him.

Yeah instead of passive aggressive "Maybe I should find a sex partner"... it sounds like you two need to have a more healthy dialogue about exactly what's going on in your sex life as well as in other areas of your relationshi. Instead of demanding or sharing your (natural!) resentment and fear... try talking and finding out why his feelings have changed.

"Messy and yucky" is a really strange answer... are you both in good physical condition without infections? Do both of you have good hygiene?

Ask your hubby - if he's your best mate, he should be able to talk to you if you put aside need/judgement and are willing to listen. It sounds like he may have more going on than just the excuses he's making...
But yes, some men (and women!) do find a change in sexual desire after many years of marriage. If all else fails... see if you can find someone you can both talk to (therapist)

Good luck.