My co-worker (I'll call her Miss A) and I been working in the same dept. for a long time. We get along OK all these years and I consider her a friend at work. We go out for our birthday lunch, have coffee together on our breaks occasionally etc.

Few months ago, she made a "very offensive" comment about me. I was very upset and offended by that. I was hurt because I felt that she has betrayed me. Few days later, she apologized to me and I accepted her apologies because we work in the same dept. and see each other everyday. I don't like to have conflict at work place.

Since the incident, I've been keeping a distant from her, I don't talk to her unless she initiates the conversation. Otherwise, I just talk to her relating to work only.

Anyway, make the long story short, her birthday is coming up soon. My other co-worker (whom I also friend with) asked me about taking "Miss A" out for her birthday lunch. I haven't answered her yet. But I don't feel like going, I feel that my friendship with "Miss A" have drifted apart since that time. I hate to say that but I don't think I like to be friend with her anymore. I now only consider her as another colleague at work.

I need some advice as to whether I should go to her birthday lunch. If I go, I would feel awkward and I don't want to be so fake. But if I don't go, what excuses can I use or say so that I will not upset anyone ? I know she will not be happy and will start talking to other people about it. She is a very sensitive person. Any advices I can get would be much appreciated. Thank you.

You accepted her apology. Not going will cause more stress and upset than going. While you are out for the party, remember all the good times and her sterling qualities, and have a good meal and a fun time trading stories with each other.

I wish I could put that behind me and forget about what had happened and go to the lunch. Unfortunately I still can't get over it. I accepted her apology because I don't want to have any more conflict and we work in same dept. I don't think I can party with her anymore... it's sad...

Well, then, you've made your decision. I wish it had been otherwise. She must have said some pretty mean things.

Can anyone give me some help or advice on what is the best way to say 'no' and that I don't want to go to her lunch?

Just a simple, "I'm sorry. I won't be there." No explanation, no apologies, no discussion needed.

Keep the status quo and go to the birthday lunch. After all, it is your job and you would lose face if you didn't go.

I would feel awkward and uncomfortable to have lunch with someone that has betrayed and offended me badly. I don't want to act so fake and pretend that I'm still her friend. I wish I could.