I've been dating my boyfriend for almost two years now. He recently turned 18 years old, and his uncles invited him to go to a strip club with them. I absolutely said no. Why would I want my boyfriend going to a strip club and being grinded on by naked women? If I'm doing my job right as his girlfriend, he shouldn't need a strip club. I hate to be controlling, but he's my boyfriend and what's mine is mine. I don't care that the women there are only doing this for money and don't have any sexual interest in my bofriend. The point is, he's MY boyfriend and not another women's t grind all over. He respected my opinion and my feelings and said he wouldn't go. And believe me, I appreciate it. But his uncles have told him to lie to me and go with them and tell me he's going somewhere else. I'm terrified of this happening. I have bad trust issues, I've been used and treated ty in a past relationship and it's ruined my trust with anyone. And my boyfriend won't tell me the truth about anything if he thinks he's going to get yelled at, so he'll lie to save himself from fights. Which makes me think that if I ever let him go to a strip club, he would lie to me about what happened there. I know many people who have gone to strip clubs and cheated on their girlfriends/wives with the strippers. Is it wrong of me to not let him go? Personally I believe I am making the right choice. But I would just like to know other peoples opinions.

"should i let my boyfriend go to stripclubs?"

You're not his mother; you're his girlfriend. Why push him into corner to guarantee he will lie to you?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

"should i let my boyfriend go to stripclubs?"

You're not his mother; you're his girlfriend. Why push him into corner to guarantee he will lie to you?

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You're right I'm not his mother. I am his girlfriend and my views should be considered and respected just like I would respect his.

Truth be told, I used to go to such places when I was younger. The majority of guys go there to have a few beers, blow off some steam, and act like "men"... most of us don't go to such places looking to get anything from a stripper.

So what it really comes down to is that you simply don't trust him. You will need to work on this or it will eventually come up in other places in your relationship.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

Truth be told, I used to go to such places when i was younger. The majority of guys go there to have a few beers, blow off some steam, and act like "men"....most of us don't go to such places looking to get anything from a stripper.

So what it really comes down to is that you simply don't trust him. You will need to work on this or it will eventually come up in other places in your relationship.

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We do have some trust issues and we are both trying to work on that, but it's more the fact I'm not thrilled with the idea of naked girls around my boyfriend.

He goes and you ask honest (not panicky) questions with a smile and great charm. Ask about the food and what the girls were wearing and what color hair they had and what style and were there any uglier ones or chubby ones. Ask about the music and how big the crowd was and even go with him now and then.

So then what are you hoping to get from posting here? I'm not picking on you but I'm not sure I understand at this point what you are looking for.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

So then what are you hoping to get from posting here? I'm not picking on you but I'm not sure I understand at this point what you are looking for.

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I'm just looking for others opinions on it. I'd like to know if people agree with me or if everyone thinks I'm crazy for not liking the idea of this.I don't mesn to sound rude, it's just something that's really been bothering me.

Well, I don't agree with you but at the same time, I don't think you're crazy for not liking the idea.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

Well, I don't agree with you but at the same time, i don't think you're crazy for not liking the idea.

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So you think I should let him go then?

It's not up to me. As I said, I used to go and I never hooked up with anyone. It's just something guys do.

Also, if you tell him he can't go and his uncles work on him long enough, he will wind up going anyway. Maybe it would be better if you allowed it rather than him lying about it.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

It's not up to me. As I said, I used to go and I never hooked up with anyone. It's just something guys do.

Also, if you tell him he can't go and his uncles work on him long enough, he will wind up going anyway. Maybe it would be better if you allowed it rather than him lying about it.

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That's a good point. I just hope he would value our relationship more than a night at a strip club.

My husband has gone to strip clubs a couple of times since we've been together, mostly as part of a guys night out with his friends, and usually it's part of a bachelor party night.

I have no problem with it at all, because I TRUST my husband.

YOUR problem isn't strip clubs. It's trust.

Get the trust thing figured out and the strip clubs become a non-issue.

You sound VERY young. I really think you need to either trust your boyfriend or break up with him and get counseling to work on your trust issues. Because yes--you ARE controlling him, and thinking that your control will make him trustworthy.

TRUST is when you KNOW you can't control a situation but you believe the best about the people in it anyway.

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Originally Posted by Emily121210

So you think I should let him go then?

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He doesn't need your permission to go... He is an adult. He can go if he wants to go.

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Originally Posted by Emily121210

So you think I should let him go then?

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LET him go? The vast majority of men, upon being told they needed permission to do anything that doesn't involve cheating, would go anyway and tell you they were going or end the relationship right then and there.

He can't go somewhere with family members, other adults, because you are going to forbid it?

Far too controlling for me! Let me tell you about the man I was dating who didn't "approve" of FB and "no one he dated" would go on FB because he "forbid it." Guess what? That was the final date. And I almost never go on FB! I thought if he controls where I go on the internet, what will happen if something important happens?

He will go to strip clubs. He will be using the family or friends as a reason why he went but the truth be told, he wouldn't be going if he didn't like it.

I'll let you in on a little secret. I used to work at a strip club (although I wasn't a dancer, I was a waitress). We, dancers and waitresses alike, aren't interested in the men who go there, we are interested in the money. In the 9 months I worked there part-time, I made enough money to travel by car to Alaska and live comfortably for 2 years without working a day.

Men go there so that they can have male bonding time. Time away from their women in a masculine situation. Very few men sat up at the dance floor and oogled the strippers, most of them played pool or darts and drank beer.

So, yes, you are being very controlling. You aren't his mother, you are his girlfriend and have no right to tell him what to do. The girls there don't "grind" on men unless the men pay for it. I don't know where you live, but in many places completely naked is illegal and physical touching of the dancer to the patron is illegal as well.

If you have trust issues, the best thing you can do to resolve this is to LET him go. Show him that you trust him so that he doesn't have to hide his actions from you. With actions like that he will be less willing to go to the strip clubs because it wouldn't be considered forbidden fruit.

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Originally Posted by J_9

I'll let you in on a little secret. I used to work at a strip club (although I wasn't a dancer, I was a waitress). We, dancers and waitresses alike, aren't interested in the men who go there, we are interested in the money. In the 9 months I worked there part-time, I made enough money to travel by car to Alaska and live comfortably for 2 years without working a day.

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I was a bikini witress in a club and heard all the time about women who wouldn't "allow" their husbands/boyfriends to go there. Had to laugh - I was also there for the money.

I think if women would go once they'd be bored to death.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I was a bikini witress in a club and heard all the time about women who wouldn't "allow" their husbands/boyfriends to go there. Had to laugh - I was also there for the money.

I think if women would go once they'd be bored to death.

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After I left that club, and I lived in Alaska, I took my current husband to one in AK frequently. It really spiced up our love life.

My boyfriend works with guys that go to strip clubs all the time and they always invite him, but he doesn't go. The first time they invited him he came home from work and asked me how I would feel about him going to a strip club with the guys. I told him if that was something he was interested in doing then to go, I didn't care I was completely fine with it. Yes he's going to see naked girls... he watches movies and porn right? Same thing, it's not like he's going home with a stripper. He's going to come home to you, going out to a strip club isn't going to make him love you any less or not find you just as attractive as he did before. But when he does get home don't drill him on it, don't be mad at him about it you'll just make him mad or feel guilty which could potentially harm your relationship. Besides he may even find out he's not really as interested in it as he thought he was. My boyfriend went and has never gone back, he said they're not all they're cracked up to be. And if you can't trust him going out with his uncles for a little while what can you trust him doing?