I have been with my partner for 9 years now and we own a house together. We have been through a lot together such as buying a house and travelling the world for a year. We have had a difficult time really... in the past he has cheated (by kissing a couple of girls) and lied a lot. We have tried to get over this many times but I don't know what to do now.

Recently I have found that he has had inappropriate texts with a female member of staff that he manages (her: "ur just picturing me naked again aren't you") and has lied to me about buying stuff when we were supposed to be saving. I get incredibly angry and upset, shouting and swearing when my frustration boils over and am always ashamed of myself for being like this but I feel trapped, lonely, hurt and angry. He says some people would say I deserve this as I am being a in the way I react. He also says that it's a vicious circle... if I moved on and got over it, he wouldn't be angry and frustrated and wouldn't keep doing these things all the time. After about two days after I find out something bad it's then "it's in the past move on" and "I'm sick of hearing about it."

I am distancing myself physically because of the lack of trust and my hurt and he has a go at me for that. I know I am weak but I am lost... I am 32 and feel time is running out...

I don't know how to trust him but I don't feel I have the energy/strength to leave... which I know sounds stupid... I am so depressed!

You're kidding me, do you have no dignity or self respect? You should have dropped this idiot when he cheated on you and lied to you. You need to stand up for yourself, and no I don't mean yelling and screaming at him, I mean pack your sh!t and leave because this is never going to change, I don't know what made you think it would.

It's easy to let people you love make you feel guilty, and this guy knows it. Two days ago is not in the past. If you cheated on him two days ago would you be telling him today it's in the past? That's ridiculous. It sounds to me like he does have you trapped in love and in sharing the house. You should tell him that if his behavior doesn't change, you'll have no choice but to leave. Because he's gotten away with this bad behavior already, he might think that he's able to do it indefinitely. You need to show him that this is a big deal and while I hate for people to use such ultimatum's to cause change in relationships, I don't know that he would take you seriously otherwise.

Nine years might seem like a lot to give up if you leave, but it's not like they were wasted if you enjoyed your time with him. Your relationship has just gone downhill (not your fault) and it's time to make a change for the better by finding a man that won't cheat.

If he keeps cheating, and you keep telling him is OK by staying at his side, then who is to blame?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mmresd

If he keeps cheating, and you keep telling him is ok by staying at his side, then who is to blame?

---

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to mmresd again.

**Applauds**