I have been with my boyfriend for8 month and I want to marry him in a few years time. My parents are looking at other perposals at the moment. They don't know anything about my boyfreind. I'm still a virgin but have only kissed and hugged my boyfriend. My boyfriend wants time as he keeps saying he wants to be financially stable before he marries me and takes on responsibility. My parents want to get me marreid off in a years time. My boyfriend needs at least 2 to 3 years I'm so confused of what I should do. If I tell my parents about him then he can't marry me at the moment and if I hide it from them then I have no reason to reject other purposals. Can someone please guide me the right way... I don't want a boyfriend and not be able to marry him... Please help me :(

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Originally Posted by muslimahan

I have been with my bf for8 month and I want to marry him in a few years time. My parents are looking at other perposals at the moment. They don't know anything about my boyfreind. I'm still a virgin but have only kissed and hugged my bf. My bf wants time as he keeps saying he wants to be financially stable before he marries me and takes on responsibility. My parents want to get me marreid off in a years time. My bf needs atleast 2 to 3 years I'm so confused of what I should do. If I tell my parents about him then he can't marry me at the moment and if I hide it from them then I have no reason to reject other purposals. Can someone please guide me the right way...... I don't want a bf and not be able to marry him .......... Please help me :(

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This is an International site. You are not in the US?

I don't understand the two choices - tell your parents and what happens OR hide it from them and they will accept another proposal on your behalf?

What is you tell them but tell them a wedding is 2 years in the future? Is that not an option?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

This is an International site. You are not in the US?

I don't understand the two choices - tell your parents and what happens OR hide it from them and they will accept another proposal on your behalf?

What is you tell them but tell them a wedding is 2 years in the future? Is that not an option?

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Nope that's not an option they seriously want me out ASAP because islam says girls should be married ASAP

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Originally Posted by muslimahan

Nope that's not an option they seriously want me out ASAP because islam says girls should be married ASAP

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So your choices are defy your parents and refuse to marry the person they select OR give up your boyfriend and please your parents?

YIKES!

You want to be guided the right way in Islam?
You should not have been dating the first place. You should have told your parents about your interest in this boy, and his interest in you. And your parents could have set up chaperoned time together.

As it is right now, if you want to do the right thing, tell your parents, give dua, and ask your parents to consider the young man as a suitor.

Where do you live?

And no. Islam does not say girls must be married ASAP. A girl CAN be married when she reaches puberty. But that does not mean that it is required that a girl be married by puberty. In fact, many Muslim girls live with their families well into adult hood before marriage.

I really need to know where you live.

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Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

You want to be guided the right way in Islam?
You should not have been dating the first place. You should have told your parents about your interest in this boy, and his interest in you. And your parents could have set up chaperoned time together.

As it is right now, if you want to do the right thing, tell your parents, give dua, and ask your parents to consider the young man as a suitor.

Where do you live?

And no. Islam does not say girls must be married ASAP. A girl CAN be married when she reaches puberty. But that does not mean that it is required that a girl be married by puberty. In fact, many Muslim girls live with their families well into adult hood before marriage.

I really need to know where you live.

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Hi I live in london... My family are Cultural and they are typical pakistanis

Thank you.

Living in London, you do have the option of walking away from your parents. If you are a legal adult, just walk away. If you are not, go to a shelter and they can help you.

However, this also means going against Islam, turning your back on your parents.

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Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

You want to be guided the right way in Islam?
You should not have been dating the first place. You should have told your parents about your interest in this boy, and his interest in you. And your parents could have set up chaperoned time together.

As it is right now, if you want to do the right thing, tell your parents, give dua, and ask your parents to consider the young man as a suitor.

Where do you live?

And no. Islam does not say girls must be married ASAP. A girl CAN be married when she reaches puberty. But that does not mean that it is required that a girl be married by puberty. In fact, many Muslim girls live with their families well into adult hood before marriage.

I really need to know where you live.

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Jennie - I can't say it often enough. I learn SO MUCH from you! I'm always smiling when I see your name on a thread.

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Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

Thank you.

Living in London, you do have the option of walking away from your parents. if you are a legal adult, just walk away. if you are not, go to a shelter and they can help you.

However, this also means going against Islam, turning your back on your parents.

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I came here for advice thinking there. Are people out there who will guide me the right way, however I don't think I want your advice on leaving my parents annd walking away. Maybe I'll stay confused about what to do for a long tiMe but I won't follow on your suggestion on leaving parents.amywais thanxs for your opinion

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Originally Posted by muslimahan

I came here for advice thinking there. Are people out there who will guide me the right way, however I don't think I want your advice on leaving my parents annd walking away. Maybe I'll stay confused about what to do for a long tiMe but I won't follow on ur suggestion on leaving parents.amywais thanxs for ur opinion

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When you post on a Q and A site you should expect to get answers from knowledgeable people. What answer WERE you looking for if Jennie's what not what you want?

You can't tell your parents. If you tell your parents they will be disappointed.

If you don't tell your parents they are going to marry you off to the highest bidder.

So - what advice were you expecting? What do you see as the other options? You appear to be sneaking around now to be with your boyfriend. That betrayal of their trust doesn't seem to be a problem for you.

Sorry to be harsh but I grow weary of people who post questions and end up just wanting to hear their own voices.

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Originally Posted by muslimahan

I came here for advice thinking there. Are people out there who will guide me the right way, however I don't think I want your advice on leaving my parents annd walking away. Maybe I'll stay confused about what to do for a long tiMe but I won't follow on ur suggestion on leaving parents.amywais thanxs for ur opinion

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You asked for advice, and you got it. You don't have to take that advice, but Jennie did give a viable answer, one worth considering.

I don't understand what you wanted people to tell you. Either you tell your parents you're in love with this boy and hope they agree to wait for him to marry you, or you marry one of the boys your parents choose for you.

There really is no other option if you're not willing to be on your own and make your own decisions.

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Originally Posted by muslimahan

I came here for advice thinking there. Are people out there who will guide me the right way, however I don't think I want your advice on leaving my parents annd walking away. Maybe I'll stay confused about what to do for a long tiMe but I won't follow on ur suggestion on leaving parents.amywais thanxs for ur opinion

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Jennie was giving you options, choices -- telling you to look at each thing you could choose to do. She didn't tell you what to do. She didn't give you advice.

Now you have to decide what to do -- like Judy said, stay with the boyfriend and even leave home because of him or do what your parents want or finally tell them about the boyfriend and hope they will accept him.

We sit here patiently and await your decision.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Jennie was giving you options, choices -- telling you to look at each thing you could choose to do. She didn't tell you what to do. She didn't give you advice.

Now you have to decide what to do -- like Judy said, stay with the boyfriend and even leave home because of him or do what your parents want or finally tell them about the boyfriend and hope they will accept him.

We sit here patiently and await your decision.

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I wonder - if the parents are so controlling, how is the OP able to kiss and hug (and date!) the boyfriend without their knowledge?

Maybe the "I have a boyfriend" conversation will cause problems by virture of hiding the relationship - ?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I wonder - if the parents are so controlling, how is the OP able to kiss and hug (and date!) the boyfriend without their knowledge?

Maybe the "I have a boyfriend" conversation will cause problems by virtue of hiding the relationship - ?

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Having worked with and become friends with several Hindu women from India who were willing to discuss their arranged marriages, I learned that often the child's personal preference of a possible mate is okay and will be seriously considered, depending on caste and financial prospects. Muslim parents may have somewhat different standards.

First if the parents have made it clear she is to have a arranged marriage, and she is now disobeying her parents, This can be a serious issue in Islam. Disrespect to parents is a big issue.

If this man is not ready to marry, he should still go ( or if they follow the custom the senior member of his family goes) and they discuss marriage terms. These terms can be for two years if all agree.

If not, he can marry not as prepared will not be the first ones to do that.

If she does nothing, her parents will arrange a marriage and it will be over for her anyway

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

When you post on a Q and A site you should expect to get answers from knowledgeable people. What answer WERE you looking for if Jennie's what not what you want?

You can't tell your parents. If you tell your parents they will be disappointed.

If you don't tell your parents they are going to marry you off to the highest bidder.

So - what advice were you expecting? What do you see as the other options? You appear to be sneaking around now to be with your boyfriend. That betrayal of their trust doesn't seem to be a problem for you.

Sorry to be harsh but I grow weary of people who post questions and end up just wanting to hear their own voices.

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Hi... I'm jist a confused girl looking for a solution for this problem. I asked a Q so I can get others people s opinion as I have Kept my problem to myself and I cnant think properly. I don't want to be selfish so I wanted guidance in what I should do, I appreciate you guys taking time to help me and in this conversation I have realised my parents happiness is more then mine, and hopefully this will help me think more openly, thanxs to everyone for there opinions :)

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Originally Posted by muslimahan

Hi ..... I'm jist a confused girl looking for a solution for this problem. I asked a Q so I can get others people s opinion as I have Kept my problem to myself and I cnant think properly. I don't want to be selfish so I wanted guidance in what I should do, I appreciate you guys taking time to help me and in this conversation I have realised my parents happiness is more then mine, and hopefully this will help me think more openly, thanxs to everyone for there opinions :)

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- And so what is your decision?

That's why I don't understand why she's not willing to talk to her parents about this. They may agree. Many Islamic parents do, if the suitor is the same caste, and acceptable.

Sounds to me like the OP's parents just want her married and out of the house, and aren't willing to wait 2 years for this to happen. They want her out now!

Considering all of this, I still have to ask what advice the OP thought we could offer. There aren't many options here, and she's not willing to take any of the options available.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I wonder - if the parents are so controlling, how is the OP able to kiss and hug (and date!) the boyfriend without their knowledge?

Maybe the "I have a boyfriend" conversation will cause problems by virture of hiding the relationship - ?

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Hi... My boyfriend goes to the same college as me,us meeting up is very limited and when I meant kiss I meant kiss on the cheaks only... I only see him during college hoursam I don't get to visit him in holidays and other times

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Originally Posted by muslimahan

Hi .... My bf goes to the same college as me,us meeting up is very limited and when I meant kiss I meant kiss on the cheaks only...... I only see him during college hoursam I don't get to visit him in holidays and other times

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Is he the same caste as you? Would he be willing to talk to your parents, expressing his interest in marrying you?