Hi I'm 24 yrs old been with my man for 7 yrs and married 4 yrs.. I try so hard not to be insecure but I have these awful feelings inside of me rise up when I feel like he is looking at other females like for example I saw he liked a page of Facebook about choppers and I looked at the wall and I saw half dressed women on it automatically my insecurities started up I tried to ignore it but the more I do the worse it gets I told him about it and he told me "I know I have to unlike it I just saw images like that this morning" so then I was like OK.. I went back and saw he liked the page four days ago and there had been many images of half dressed women on there not just that one. So I called him again and said you like the page the other day and there was more then that one.. he blew up at me cursing and saying that I'm just his wife andhe doesn't have to answer to me and I shouldn't be questioning him about . So then I started telling him that I've been insecure and that he married me like this if he doesn't.like it he can divorce me etc.. I know its natural for guys to look at bull like that but Ican not be in a relationship like that I love him soooo very much and he has never ever cheated on me or anything and I honestly don't know why I'm like this I have such a hard time trusting very hard time. Really want to get over it and have a healthly relationship but I fear this will kill it.. when I was 11 I had got molested by a friends dad then at 13 u got raped we were drinking at a park one night I remember him knocking me down next thing I remember I woke up naked.. then a yr later I got ganged raped by five guys my friend busted in the door and helped after 3 had gotten there way with me so I have been hurt emotionly and physically really bad I also have issues with my dad my parents got divorced when I was 13 and you was really close to him I've tired many times to get close to him after that and he always blows me off I've cried many times over that.. if anyone can help me with this issue I would love to hear your advice I really want my marriage to work I love my man deeply. Thank you.

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Originally Posted by shygigglez

Hi I'm 24 yrs old been with my man for 7 yrs and married 4 yrs.. I try so hard not to be insecure but I have these awful feelings inside of me rise up when I feel like he is looking at other females like for example I saw he liked a page of facebook about choppers and I looked at the wall and I saw half dressed women on it automatically my insecurities started up I tried to ignore it but the more I do the worse it gets I told him about it and he told me "I know I have to unlike it I just saw images like that this morning" so then I was like ok.. I went back and saw he liked the page four days ago and there had been many images of half dressed women on there not just that one. So I called him again and said you like the page the other day and there was more then that one.. he blew up at me cursing and saying that im just his wife andhe doesn't have to answer to me and I shouldn't be questioning him about . So then I started telling him that I've been insecure and that he married me like this if he doesn't.like it he can divorce me etc.. I know its natural for guys to look at bull like that but Ican not be in a relationship like that I love him soooo very much and he has never ever cheated on me or anything and I honestly don't know why I'm like this I have such a hard time trusting very hard time. Really wanna get over it and have a healthly relationship but I fear this will kill it.. when I was 11 I had got molested by a friends dad then at 13 u got raped we were drinking at a park one night I remember him knocking me down next thing I remember I woke up naked.. then a yr later I got ganged raped by five guys my friend busted in the door and helped after 3 had gotten there way with me so I have been hurt emotionly and physically really bad I also have issues with my dad my parents got divorced when I was 13 and u was really close to him I've tired many times to get close to him after that and he always blows me off I've cried many times over that.. if anyone can help me with this issue I would love to hear your advice I really want my marriage to work I love my man deeply. Thank you.

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In a nutshell - if you've never gone for therapy, go now. I was the adult victim of rape. It scars you. You may not know how deep the scars run - but rapes changes how you feel about yourself.

If you keep hounding your husband and offering/threatening to divorce him you are going to drive him away, but I think you already know that.

You need to find some peace, either by individual or marital counseling

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

In a nutshell - if you've never gone for therapy, go now. I was the adult victim of rape. It scars you. You may not know how deep the scars run - but rapes changes how you feel about yourself.

If you keep hounding your husband and offering/threatening to divorce him you are going to drive him away, but I think you already know that.

You need to find some peace, either by individual or marital counseling

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Thank you for your advice.. I really could use therapy but have no coverage for it.. I feel like that incidents that occurred to me in the past is an excuse for why I am now but when I think about it deeper I feel like that is the exact reason why I am insecure now if I tell my husband that that is still effective in the way my emotions play out he will think its bs.. am I wrong? Or is that the reason for my emotions to act how they do?

What a shame. You should take the advice from those who are trying to help you.

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Originally Posted by RickJ

What a shame.

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What is shameful can you be more specific?

I mean it is sorrowful. I know you are reaching out. Listen those who are helping you. That's all I was saying.

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Originally Posted by shygigglez

I really could use therapy but have no coverage for it..

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Many counselors have a sliding scale and work with your available finances. Also, if you are in the US, your township or county often has a human services department that provides counselors to low-income people or to those who have no insurance. You just have to start making some phone calls. If nothing else, call your public library's reference department. They should have a list of counselors who work with uninsured clients.

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Originally Posted by RickJ

I mean it is sorrowful. I know you are reaching out. Listen those who are helping you. That's all I was saying.

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Thanks for explaining it.. I am really hoping I can Change my behavior towards this type of situation for the sake of my wellbeing as well as my marriage.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Many counselors have a sliding scale and work with your available finances. Also, if you are in the US, your township or county often has a human services department that provides counselors to low-income people or to those who have no insurance. You just have to start making some phone calls. If nothing else, call your public library's reference department. They should have a list of counselors who work with uninsured clients.

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Thank you I will definitely be looking into that thanks for the advice.

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Originally Posted by shygigglez

Thanks for explaining it.. I am really hoping I can Change my behavior towards this type of situation for the sake of my wellbeing as well as my marriage.

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You are welcome, shygigglez. We are here for you to assist you in whatever way we can. What behavior is it that you wold like to change?

You have a few choices,

1. get professional counseling and get over YOUR issues.
2. keep your mouth shut and stop telling your husband what he can and can not look at on the internet, Heaven help that poor man if you see he has looked at PORN, if you make him unfriend some Facebook page.
3. just get a divorce, and let this poor man have a real life and get to act like a man and do some of the things he wants

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Originally Posted by RickJ

You are welcome, shygigglez. We are here for you to assist you in whatever way we can. What behavior is it that you wold like to change?

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My insecurities that lead to my reactions to certain situations.

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Originally Posted by shygigglez

I honestly don't know why I'm like this

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Read the last section of your first post. That's why. Please start calling to find a counselor. Wish I lived closer to you and would sign you up for myself!

Step out of that dark side and be ready to embrace a new life that awaits you.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

You have a few choices,

1. get professional counseling and get over YOUR issues.
2. keep your mouth shut and stop telling your husband what he can and can not look at on the internet, Heaven help that poor man if you see he has looked at PORN, if you make him unfriend some facebook page.
3. just get a divorce, and let this poor man have a real life and get to act like a man and do some of the things he wants

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Oh please don't come at me like that your advice is crappy you need to learn to shut your mouth. You're a typical male! This is supposed to be for help not to make someone feel worse about issues but I know there is always s like you in the world. I just ignore ignorant people like you.

Your and your husband should attend relationship counseling together. It takes two to make a good relationship.

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Originally Posted by RickJ

Your and your husband should attend relationship counseling together. It takes two to make a good relationship.

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My husband is a great guy I know its all me Im the one with the issues that needs to be resolved he deserves someone with all there together unlike me Im just dragging it our relationship to a low area.. but other then the insecurities we are very much happy with each other its these little conversations I get started with the insecure part of me that cause the infection of our marriage.

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Originally Posted by shygigglez

Oh please don't come at me like that your advice is crappy you need to learn to shut your mouth. Your a typical male!! This is supposed to be for help not to make someone feel worse about issues but I know there is always s like you in the world. I just ignore ignorant people like you.

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You are very much out of line. As it happens I thought I understood what you were saying.

Now you've posted this - if this is your attitude with your husband I well understand the problems in your marriage.

When you post on a Q and A board you get a variety of answers. If you only want to hear from people who 100% agree with you talk to your friends.

Your language is so offensive that it had to be edited out? Apparently so.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You are very much out of line. As it happens I thought I understood what you were saying.

Now you've posted this - if this is your attitude with your husband I well understand the problems in your marriage.

When you post on a Q and A board you get a variety of answers. If you only want to hear from people who 100% agree with you talk to your friends.

Your language is so offensive that it had to be edited out? Apparently so.

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I understand that ill get different answers and I have a right to reply as I wish thank you very much! :) and the only word I used with such offensive was a**hole for your obvious concern.. I appreciate all the adviece from anyone but I don't take kindly to rudeness as I'm a very outspoken person and tend to tell people my how I feel straight forward. As I know they are probably correct in what he advised I guess in a way truth does hurt and I get offended to quick instead of just ignoring it I joined to rudeness And made it worse which is one of the other issues I have.

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Originally Posted by shygigglez

I understand that ill get different answers and I have a right to reply as I wish thank you very much!! :) and the only word I used with such offensive was a**hole for your obvious concern.. I appreciate all the adviece from anyone but I don't take kindly to rudeness as I'm a very outspoken person and tend to tell ppl my how I feel straight forward. As I know they are probably correct in what he advised I guess in a way truth does hurt and I get offended to quick instead of just ignoring it I joined to rudeness And made it worse which is one of the other issues I have.

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You have no right to be insulting. You don't have a right to reply as you wish and you're welcome very much.

I guess you are outspoken. How's that working out in your life?

Apparently not too well.