My fiancé is very jealous, but before I go on he is a wonderful provider I am spoiled we have a blast together I've been with him 4 years and I love him more than anything, back to the jealousy part. I cheated (kissed) a guy while he was away at work well three years later he says he's let it go and forgave me. I am TRULY sorry about it it was a huge mistake but he still brings it up and when he does it breaks my heart BC I betray him. I can't take it back. :( now he is extremely jealous always looking through my phone if I even speak to a man (example) calling my sister and her boyfriend answers and we have a brief conversation) he gets so mad I am getting married in two months and I don't know what to do I feel like its my fault I wish he could move past this and our relationship would be amazing. He is a good man and this is my fault I have tried everything. I have no guy friends don't go to bars, clubs, anything he has 5 children which I love very much any advice on how we should handle this? How we can move past this.. we talk about it almost every day here lately we've talked about counseling but he's very busy( he owns a company) I also deal with his ex wife and baby mamas on a daily basis and am not jealous about this (seriously they live in my neighborhood they come over to eat use our internet hang out etc etc etc he pays their rent... they're always around, ANyWAY back to the point any advice on making him trust me, he says its not me its "other people" but I'm not sure HELP..

WHAT? Is this for real, his ex and mothers of other children walk into your home and hang out??
I have never heard of such an extreme double standard in the US of A... since you sound American... he's obviously using this past kiss to keep you trembling in guilt and fear so that you don't rebel against all these other women.
I hope you don't marry him. Move far, far, away.

Your title says husband, your post says fiancée. And this was posted in the Marriage forum. So which is it?

Love is always a give and take situation. If you are willing to accept his circumstances about his children and baby mamas, why can't he do the same? A relationship without trust is not a relationship... before you get married I think you should let him know that trust is a really important thing in a relationship. If he doesn't love you enough to trust you, then maybe you should have second thoughts

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Originally Posted by brittanyherndon

My fiance is very jealous, but before I go on he is a wonderful provider I am spoiled we have a blast together I've been with him 4 years and I love him more than anything, back to the jealousy part. I cheated (kissed) a guy while he was away at work well three years later he says he's let it go and forgave me. I am TRULY sorry about it it was a huge mistake but he still brings it up and when he does it breaks my heart BC I betray him. I can't take it back. :( now he is extremely jealous always looking through my phone if I even speak to a man (example) calling my sister and her boyfriend answers and we have a brief conversation) he gets so mad I am getting married in two months and I don't know what to do I feel like its my fault I wish he could move past this and our relationship would be amazing. He is a good man and this is my fault I have tried everything. I have no guy friends don't go to bars, clubs, anything he has 5 children which I love very much any advice on how we should handle this? How we can move past this..we talk about it almost every day here lately we've talked about counseling but he's very busy( he owns a company) I also deal with his ex wife and baby mamas on a daily basis and am not jealous about this (seriously they live in my neighborhood they come over to eat use our internet hang out etc etc etc he pays their rent...they're always around, ANyWAY back to the point any advice on making him trust me, he says its not me its "other people" but I'm not sure HELP...!

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I share Scott's observation - he's either your husband or your fiancé - ?

If he doesn't have the time to go to counselling, go alone.

I would be wary of anyone who had multiple children with multiple women, but that's probably just me. I'm also not much for other people "always" hanging around.

You say you've been together four years and you kissed another man three years later - three years after this relationship started? The wording confuses me.

I would not marry a man who has uncontrollable jealousy.

Yes its for real and so everyone knows I am getting married in a few months but have been with him a long time its habit calling him my husband.

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Originally Posted by brittanyherndon

Yes its for real and so everyone knows i am getting married in a few months but have been with him a long time its habit calling him my husband.

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It's important to the people trying to answer to know 100% if he's your husband or your boyfriend.

If he is your boyfriend, my advice stands.

EDIT: I notice you want this thread removed. Why? It seems rather straight forward.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

It's important to the people trying to answer to know 100% if he's your husband or your boyfriend.

If he is your boyfriend, my advice stands.

EDIT: I notice you want this thread removed. Why? It seems rather straight forward.

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Bc I need to edit some of it out your right it is straight forward I am not a straight forward person I wrote this last night needing advice on my fiancée and I had already took my Xanax it makes me blunt with things but if anyone of his family sees this they will tell him and it will only make the problem worse just please tell me how I can edit this I am on an iPhone

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Originally Posted by brittanyherndon

Bc I need to edit some of it out ur right it is straight forward I am not a straight forward person I wrote this last night needing advice on my fiancée and I had already took my Xanax it makes me blunt with things but if anyone of his family sees this they will tell him and it will only make the problem worse just please tell me how I can edit this I am on an iphone

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You may need to edit it on a PC.

Actually at this point with all of the answers, it will not be edited Along with that perhaps the truth needs to get out, hiding feelings and hiding facts only hurt a relatoinship.

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Originally Posted by brittanyherndon

Bc I need to edit some of it out ur right it is straight forward I am not a straight forward person I wrote this last night needing advice on my fiancée and I had already took my Xanax it makes me blunt with things but if anyone of his family sees this they will tell him and it will only make the problem worse just please tell me how I can edit this I am on an iphone

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And if someone said "I did this or that because I was drinking" or on illegal drugs, I'd tell them to stop drinking and using illegal drugs.

You left out "Xanax" when you posted about your problems with your fiancé - and I think it could very well be a factor.

I think I need some more background:
1) How old are you and is there a large age gap between you and him?
2) Why are you on Xanax? How long have you been on it? How long have you been dealing with the issues that cause you to need it?
3) Does he make threats? Has he ever gotten violent either verbally or physically? Does he treat you like an equal or a subordinate?

So, three years ago you kissed another man and since then he has been insecure and controlling? How was the first year of your relationship? Were there any signs of insecurity or controlling behavior before 'the kiss'? How did he find out about 'the kiss'?

Do you live with him? Do you have your own job that gets you out of the house or are you his glorified housekeeper and personal assistant taking care of his exes and children? Do you have any interests, friends or hobbies that give you time for yourself to unwind and re-energize?

Why are you with him? Why are you putting up with his behavior? Is it love? Is it punishing yourself for 'cheating'? Is it material security? Is it fear of what would happen to you if you left him?

If you think his behavior is bad now, it will only get worse after marriage. It will end up being your word against his for how he treats you. The argument will arise that his behavior couldn't be too bad because you married him knowing that he was a controlling, insecure person.

Frankly, I think you need counseling. I think you need to talk with someone face-to-face who can look you in the eye and tell you to stop accepting blame for his behavior. Stop allowing him to control you through emotional blackmail and guilt. Someone who can encourage you to listen to the strong woman inside you who is being muffled by fear and insecurity. I think you know deep down inside that you do deserve much better treatment from him. He may be great at providing material things, but he is making you pay an emotionally and mentally damaging price for what you receive.

I hope you stick around and keep talking to us. I get the impression you need people to communicate with who will encourage you to do what is best for you instead of what makes life easier for 'them'.

Cat1864 advice is excellent.
This man is using guilt over something you did three years ago to control you.
It will only get worse after you marry him because in his eyes he will own you.
I suggest you get a job if you don't already have one, move out, stand on your own two feet and for Pete's sake, don't marry this guy.