I just broke up with my boyfriend, we dated for over 4 years, the last year was long distance since he had to move away cos of work. I got bored one day and decided to make up a fake Facebook profile and invite him, he started to chat to this "girl" then "she" invited him on mxit, they chatted till 3am , that's when I could not take it anymore, I tried to remain calm although all I wanted to do was rip is head of. I called him that night and told him I was flying up to talk to him. I know it may seem abit dramatic but when you've been dating a guy for 4years these simple things can drive u crazy. Anyway the next morning I left, got their confronted him about it and he denied everything , thinking that I hacked onto his Facebook , I was hoping by that time he would come out and tell the truth but he stuck to his story. I eventually told him that the girl was me and he was in shock, then he started saying that I don't show him any attention and its MY fault.how is it my fault that he cheated?? I understand that a long distance relationship is dificult but that's no excuse . I could not stop crying, and I cried everyday day that week. But now after a 3week lol... I realise that I don't ever want to be in a relationship like that , I don't want to be insecure , I don't want to be checking up on him 24/7 , our relationship was never like that , and that's what I valued most about our relationship TRUST. And now that its broken I can't go back Why should I settle for someone that doesn't respect or love me enough to be faithfull. Life is too short and too precious for me to live like that.

Having that said , I do miss him , I mean we'v been together for a long time so that's normal. But now I don't know if I'll ever love like that again, my whole family knows him and they really like him , plus I'm 25 and not getting any younger .so this makes it so difficult. Is it posible for me to get over this and love him again?? HELP!!
And is what he did really considered cheating cos all my guy friends say its not.

Well you got what you deserved

I wouldn't consider it cheating except for his denial when you confronted him. It does make me wonder if there are other females he was contacting.

That said, there is a chance that what attracted him to your 'character' may be what he has been missing in your relationship. When you were pretending, did you feel more like you did in the beginning of the relationship? It doesn't excuse him from not communicating that things were bothering him. Chatting up another person is not how you fix issues in your relationship. Getting bored and creating a fake persona isn't much better. I think you may have had suspicions about his loyalty and faithfulness. I think some part of you expected to catch him. You should have talked to him instead of setting him up.

I think you need to take the lessons learned and move forward. I don't think you will ever fully trust him again. Without trust, most relationships are doomed.

Good luck.

This is entrapment

You basically trapped him, and he took the bait.
So in my opinion you both have reason not to trust the other to a certain extent.
Did you do this as a joke or did you have suspicions about something?
I'm curious as to why you thought to do this. You said you valued the trust, but only up to the very minute that you made the bogus account? Sorry I don't understand.
You either trusted him or you didn't.

Cat nailed everything, I would like to point one thing out though.

You asked

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Originally Posted by keru9R

how is it my fault that he cheated????

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Whether you believe it or not, you absolutely can be the reason. If your neglecting to give him "attention" to the point where he feels he has to get it from somewhere else, you're doing something wrong. Don't think for a second that he has no excuse, when you could be the one giving it to him.

It could have just been an excuse, don't get me wrong, but I'm just saying, cheaters are not always self motivated.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by keru9R

I just broke up with my boyfriend, we dated for over 4 years, the last year was long distance since he had to move away cos of work. i got bored one day and decided to make up a fake facebook profile and invite him, he started to chat to this "girl" then "she" invited him on mxit, they chatted till 3am , thats when i could not take it anymore, i tried to remain calm altho all i wanted to do was rip is head of. i called him that night and told him i was flying up to talk to him. i know it may seem abit dramatic but when youve been dating a guy for 4years these simple things can drive u crazy. anyway the next morning i left, got thier confronted him about it and he denied everyting , thinking that i jus hacked onto his facebook , i was hoping by that time he would jus come out and tell the truth but he jus stuck to his story. i eventually told him that the girl was me and he was in shock, then he started saying that i dont show him any attention and its MY fault.how is it my fault that he cheated???? I understand that a long distance relationship is dificult but that's no excuse . i could not stop crying, and i cried everyday day that week. but now after a 3week lol .....i realise that i dont ever wana be in a relationship like that , i dont wana be insecure , i dont wana be checking up on him 24/7 , our relationship was never like that , and thats wat i valued most about our relationship TRUST. and now that its broken i can't go back Why should i settle for someone that doesnt respect or love me enough to be faithfull. Life is too short and too precious for me to live like that.

Having that said , I do miss him , I mean we'v been together for a long time so that's normal. But now I don't know if I'll ever love like that again, my whole family knows him and they really like him , plus I'm 25 and not getting any younger .so this jus makes it so difficult. Is it posible for me to get over this and love him again ??? HELP!!!
And is what he did really considered cheating cos all my guy friends say its not.

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Wow - I'm an investigator by profession and these "do it yourself spy on the boyfriend/girlfriend" ideas always have the same result. You're worried if YOU can love HIM again? If I were him I'd be racing for the door. Goodness knows what you'll do the next time you have suspicions.

I would not trust anyone who invaded my personal space - that includes fake FB pages, fake names on chat sites, checking my phone and/or computer.

And to add insult to injury you're discussing your behavior/his behavior with friends? You set him up, now you're discussing your personal life together with other people?

Staying in a relationship because you're 25 and not getting any younger is very faulty logic.

No, don't risk him hurting you again.

You said:
"i realise that i dont ever wana be in a relationship like that , i dont wana be insecure , i dont wana be checking up on him 24/7 , our relationship was never like that , and thats wat i valued most about our relationship TRUST. and now that its broken i can't go back "

It seems like this is how you feel. So why take someone back who you know will disappoint you in the future? It is time to move on, go no contact.

Well it's a form or cheating. If he wasn't gettinf the attention that he needed then he should have talked to you about it instead of finding it from some other female. If he really loved u and after 4years he shoukdnt even be thinking about other women ; he should be talking to u trying to get this affection from

No, I wouldn't. You MADE him cheat on you. Plus, just because he was dating you doesn't mean he can't talk to other girls AS FRIENDS. Sorry to say this... but I think you set yourself up for this situation.