I know it sounds bad that I feel this way but I just can't help it. I have been in a relationship with a man for about 4 years now. He has a child who has just turned 8. We have all ways got along fine. Now I have had a baby and it feels like a lot has been taken away from me. The step child's mother has been making it really hard since my child was born and upsetting my partner. As a result I feel like my child and I are second best. It has gotten to a point where I despise the step child (that I hate myself for). On top of that I feel like my child is going to suffer in the future due to the messiness of the situation. Now all I wish is that I found someone without any baggage so that I could have at least had the chance of a picture perfict family. Why Do I feel like I stuffed it up of my child and I.

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Originally Posted by jackfifi

I know it sounds bad that I feel this way but I just can't help it. I have been in a relationship with a man for about 4 years now. He has a child who has just turned 8. We have all ways got along fine. Now I have had a baby and it feels like alot has been taken away from me. The step childs mother has been making it realy hard since my child was born and upsetting my partner. As a result I feel like my child and I are second best. It has gotten to a point where i despise the step child (that I hate my self for). On top of that I feel like my child is going to suffer in the future due to the messiness of the situation. Now all i wish is that I found someone without any baggage so that I could have at least had the chance of a picture perfict family. Why Do i feel like I stuffed it up of my child and I.

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There is no perfect family, hang in there. She is just doing that because she thinks your child will be the 1# kid. Talk to your man and you discuss how you truly feel. DO NOT HATE THAT KID, its not his fault. NONE of it is. If anything he may be feeling some of the attention loss and think that dad doesn't care anymore about him, that dad has a new family and kid. It may sound obsurd but its true, many kids feel like that. You and your man may be able to cut our all of the talking and discussing with the ex and that can lower the problems. You should embrace the child and make him feel welcome and apart of the family. Your man should understand how you and the baby feel about being second. In the end there shouldn't be a #1 and #2. He should have course be considerate with you and your feelings but he should love both children the same. And for this you should not be mad. Good luck sweetie and I hope it all works out.

Please see a doctor first and make sure there are no medical conditions, and then start talking to your man about your concerns as you both need to work together to solve your problems. And yes it is difficult when you have to deal with and ex and their child together. You must accept he has other responsibilities.

Picture perfect? Good luck with that.

A baby can be an incredible stress on a relationship. I think that's a huge part of this. The first 9 mo after mine was born was really tough. Yes, I loved being a father, but boy... there were a lot of things to deal with and it was HARD.

The stepchild deserves all the love you have. The ex has NOTHING to do with your feelings for him. The ex might be making noise through him or your partner, but the child is a child and deserves absolutely no anger.

I know. Its not like you are choosing how you feel. You feel it and are simply stating how you feel. Just make sure you are good to the child. Kids can sense things even when they are not said. You are with the man, you agree to respect and care for his child.

In the meantime, know it DOES get easier as your child grows. I think the first year is tough. The second is easier. Third is even easier. It takes time to find some balance. Give it some time. And try not to be hateful of your partner or his child. The actions of the ex are not their actions... even if its draining energy from your partner. He deserves your support as much as you deserve his.