She is our only child. They were just "buddies" at first. So, my husband and I had no problem with their friendship. Fastforward... They started a relationship of bf/gf.. then he became possessive... called her horrible names. Next day everything was fine.. a rollercoaster relationship. One night, after him calling her "names", she felt like ending her life. I intervened. He was not allowed to be with her. Fastforward more... She loves him. He makes her feel so special. He encourages her creative side. He sings to her. As parents, we still forbid the relationship. They are sneaking. She still has 2 more yrs of high school. She is the top in her class. She plays 3 sports. Bottom line, she hates me. Says she cries herself to sleep every night. I want her to have relationships, but not with that age difference. Am I being out of touch? She has so much life to live yet. Just help me clear my thoughts.

You are kidding with this post, right?

Let her cry her self to sleep for the next two years and put a tracker on her phone so she is not sneakng. Take control

If he was a nice 19 year old, I may be OK with a 3 year difference if controlled ( but really borderline) but with his actions, would not let him near her, perhaps even a order of protection, which puts him in jail if he does see her.

You may seem like the mean mom now, but fast forward the relationship: you will be posting about your 16 or 17 year old pregnant daughter with an abusive boyfriend. There is no need for her to sneak. You take her everywhere and pick her up on time. Don't let him near her at all. He is capable of harming her more than emotionally.

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Originally Posted by ohiomama

She is our only child. They were just "buddies" at first. So, my husband and I had no problem with their friendship. Fastforward....They started a relationship of bf/gf..then he became possessive....called her horrible names. Next day everything was fine..a rollercoaster relationship. One night, after him calling her "names", she felt like ending her life. I intervened. He was not allowed to be with her. Fastforward more....She luvs him. He makes her feel so special. He encourages her creative side. He sings to her. As parents, we still forbid the relationship. They are sneaking. She still has 2 more yrs of high school. She is the top in her class. She plays 3 sports. Bottom line, she hates me. Says she cries herself to sleep everynight. I want her to have relationships, but not with that age difference. Am I being out of touch? She has so much life to live yet. Just help me clear my thoughts.

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Are you serious? You are not out of touch except by letting the relationship start to begin with.
Let her cry and be mad. She'll get over it. You guys are the parents.
How is she sneaking? She would be grounded from going anyplace until she proves she can be trusted.

I tried sneaking out once when I was 17, I didn't get far at all.
The next morning I realized why when I saw the distributer cap to my car on my dads' nightstand.
I'm just saying.

Due to her age, she is too young, too dramatic and too blind to see that this is not the guy for her. Whatever tricks he is using to manipulate her, are working to his advantage. Do you know if they got intimate with each other, if this is her first sex partner, that usually makes girls go blind quickly.

I would say, keep on eye on her as much as you can to prevent them from seeing each other. Go away for extended time if you can, and make sure, her cell phone is nowhere near her, so he won't bother her.

3 year difference is not much, but this guy has control issues and if this is what he does at 19, I am scared to imagine what it will look like later.

Minimize her contact with the guy, and if she cries, buy more kleenex. Be firm, it's your daughter- you have every right to do so if she is dating a jerk.

Thank you for all that responded. Along with reading some articles on other sites, I feel we are on the right track. I am not going to over-react. She is respecting our decision. She has weak moments. Understandable. I should count my blessings that that she doesn't drink/smoke/do drugs. She is a very nice and caring girl. I'm thinking my main uneasiness is that this dofuss is just not good enough for her. Thank you all again. Now I know where to come for advice.

Perhaps in her weak moment she gets pregnant, of course she is a good girl, grades and all of that. And only has "week moments"

You are the parent, what is so hard about being one and requiring obeying.

I had a relationship like this with the SAME age difference a few yrs back. I look back at it now and realise how stupid I was. Do everythig to protect your daughter because she is a teen and is inclined to BELIEVE EVERYTHING a guy teells her.

Hi! In my opinion, I think it's perfectly normal for a 16 year old girl to date a 19 year old boy. But if he starts to get possessive, it should ring some bells. It shows that he doesn't respect her enough to let her have her own space. And calling her names?? Its time to leave him.
I've been in a possessive relationship for a long time so I know how a guy can manipulate a girl's feelings. He'll make her feel special and loved just to keep her and not really because he actually loves her. He's probably insecure. If a guy can't get a grip of himself, he's not ready to love a girl. I hope this helps. Oh you, if she hates you, maybe you can get her best friend to convince her. Good luck!

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