Ask Me Help Desk - Abortion coercion

Please help!

I just recently started taking birth control pills a couple months ago. We didn't use a back-up birth control and now I'm pregnant! I'm happy to be pregnant, though it wasn't planned, I'm 30 and my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and a half. We also have been living together for the past 9 months. We have been really happy and doing great. He took a job out of state 6 months ago so we have only been seeing each other every other week, but that's all be fine. The job was a significant pay raise, he is making well over $500k. He is obviously very financially stable. I, on the other hand, just found out I'm losing my job in the next week.

When I told him I was pregnant I thought he would be a little freaked out, as was I, but I thought he would ultimately be happy. I couldn't be more wrong. He freaked out, that's for sure. He is threatening to kick me out of his house if I don't have an abortion. He hasn't budged for the past 3 weeks, he has been absolutely furious. He says I'm ruining his life and he's not ready, we can have a baby at anytime, I don't even have a job anymore... and so on.

I feel trapped, he knows I can't afford to get a place on my own. He knows I can't support myself without a job, and being pregnant, who will hire me? The question is, do I have any rights? I feel like my only choice is to have an abortion.

Quote:

Originally Posted by help_me12345

... The question is, do I have any rights? I feel like my only choice is to have an abortion.

Yes, you have rights. First, the decision to keep the baby is yours entirely. He has no say in the matter.

Second, if you do give birth to his child, you will have the right to have him pay you child support. If he is making $500k a year, that will be substantial.

Third, he cannot "kick you out" without going to court. If the court finds that you are pregnant with his baby, it may possibly take that into account somehow.

Stand your ground. Have the baby. It may be that when the father sees that you are resolute he will come to his senses. And one other thing: In about 5 or 6 years, please have the chld write us a note here on this thread. It would make my day. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

Yes, you have rights. First, the decision to keep the baby is yours entirely. He has no say in the matter.

Second, if you do give birth to his child, you will have the right to have him pay you child support. If he is making $500k a year, that will be substantial.

Third, he cannot "kick you out" without going to court. If the court finds that you are pregnant with his baby, it may possibly take that into account somehow.

Stand your ground. Have the baby. It may be that when the father sees that you are resolute he will come to his senses. And one other thing: In about 5 or 6 years, please have the chld write us a note here on this thread. It would make my day. :)

Best response of all time! Great!

There's also the right to tell him to shut up.

Do you have family or friends who will support you, emotionally, financially?

Agreed, can not kick you out, at best he can try to evict you, whose names is on the lease ( if you lease)

And for your future, think about this real closely, if he will threaten to kick you out any time he wants to have his way, what about next time, then the next.

He sounds like the jerk of the century, doesn't he?

But I have a funny feeling there is more to this, and that he feels tricked (I am NOT saying you tricked him) more than anything. But I do want to know what BC you used until 2 months ago? And why DIDN'T you use a back up BC, since you were warned to, I'm sure?
And are you being laid off or fired? You've been alone a lot for the last 6 months - has there been any doubt in his mind about who the father is?

Just askin' a bunch of questions I would ask if I were he...

No one can make the choice to have an abortion but YOU.

Do you have family you can go to? If not, there are shelters.

You cannot be discriminated against because you are pregnant in the hiring process. I'm sure you do not show yet--just DO NOT BRING IT UP at your interview. AFTER you have the job, you can give the information. It's unlikely you will qualify for more than FMLA for leave when your time comes. If nothing else, you can work temporary positions until after the baby is born. Being pregnant is not an excuse to not look for a job. Even if you were visibly pregnant, employers can NOT discriminate. PROVING that discrimination is tough, but if you are well qualified in your field, you should still have a decent chance of getting employed.

I'd be angry and feel tricked if I were your boyfriend too. Ultimately, though, if he didn't want kids, he should have been using a condom along with your birth control.

Sounds like your boyfriend is a real jerk, and I'd be glad I found out NOW if I were you, rather than down the line when you were more legally connected.

The baby makes you happy so keep the baby. Trust me you will never forgive yourself if you get an abortion. If he is acting like this then he isn't right for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JessicaW8

The baby makes you happy so keep the baby. Trust me you will never forgive yourself if you get an abortion. If he is acting like this then he isn't right for you.

Sorry, the "you will nver forgive yourself" part of this is YOUR opinion, not fact.

I am not saying in any fashion that this woman should have an abortion.